I feel that my SoP is too wordy and lengthy. But I have no idea how can I trim it. Please advise me. Above all, I am not native speaker. So, I am afraid that I made a lot of grammar and linguistic(style) mistakes.

Here is my SoP.

Since I read the book titled “Wonderful world of plants” when I was in secondary school, I have been interested in biology. From that time, I have changed my mind many times, from interest in plant to interest in genetic, evolution, and ecology, but in general my interest was always tied with biology. My fascination with relationship between living things, and how they and their relationships are evolved is the main reason to choose my career as a researcher.

My interest in the plant biology and evolution gained fresh impetus during my high school years and undergraduate studies at National University. When I was in high school, I enrolled field lessons every summer organized by my high school biology teacher. She was plant biologist, so we spent most of time to collect plants, make herbarium and identify them. She was one of the best high school biology teachers and she influenced me and made I decide to apply ecology department. During the field lessons, the most interesting thing for me was association of vegetation and relationship between plant and insects. The question, which aroused in my mind, was why in one place Carex dominate, and other place Stipeae dominate and I observed vague pattern of association. Although by reading more and more I got answers to my questions, answer for one question always brings forth another one.

After entered university, I learned more about plant biology and their ecology, biotic and abiotic factors and their relationship. Especially plant-plant, plant-insect relationships were far more interesting to me, therefore I decided to do my course research work on plant-insect interactions. My work was on change of vegetation association influenced by pollinators. In my first glimpse, while they gain benefit from forming association, and facilitate each other, in certain density they cannot gain any more benefit because of competition. Also I observed that native insect species prefers native plant species, and exotic ones more likely to tend forage on exotic plants. From my work, I got new questions about history of how plant association formed. Since then, I have more interested in evolution issue, especially evolution of species relationship; how their interactions formed, whether interactions are more likely to be arm-races etc. However, still now some of my questions not answered yet and someday I hope that I will look more depth. I soon learned from my course work how important it was to get research experience, so I searched an internship.

Next year I couldn’t find any project focused on plants. The reason is most researchers and studies are funded by government and their budget is not enough. Therefore there are a few studies are conducted and it is hard to find a position. Even so, as our economy is getting better, more studies are conducted in nowadays. Nevertheless, since I strongly devoted to enhance my experience, I have managed to find position as a field research assistant at a joint project, which studied boreal ecosystems from various perspectives including bird, mammalian studies, soil-vegetation relationship study etc, after my first year as an undergraduate student. I was an assistant of Entomology team and studied moth community. I gained great experience in working with international projects and remote field areas, and developed background and interest in ecology and environment-related research through this study.

Always I am trying to find a way to increase my background and experience. For me gaining knowledge is like building tower. As a tower that has shallow or narrow base is more rickety, so knowledge, without enough background, will be more flimsy. So I found opportunity, as a trainee in England, to increase my background. In September 2004, I have completed 2.5 month training at the Institute of Grassland and Environmental Research, North Wyke Research Station, Devon, UK, with international research team. I participated in two projects, named Potential for Enhancing Biodiversity on Intensive Livestock Farms (PEBIL) and Grazing for Biodiversity Benefits (FORBIOBEN) aimed to study biodiversity in relation to changes in grassland structure that are created by different grazing managements. These projects enhanced my knowledge and it was beneficial since I had planned to work in community ecology and biodiversity research.

Besides my study, when I was a student, I was a member of “Eco-XXI” club member. Some of the club members, including me, initiated a “Globe” project. In the framework of the project, we gave talks about environmental problems and carried out small research works, collaborated with Education Center of Ecology. Meanwhile I worked as an assistant teacher at 68th high school. It taught me to apply the knowledge I had gained, to achieve particular aim. Moreover, I found that one of the best ways to learn is by sharing knowledge with someone else and thanks to the job I have gained new aspects of my subject. I think that once I earned Master’s degree or PhD degree, I will continue to my teaching activity. Because ecological issues have been studied in Mongolia since 10s years before, ecology is relatively new subject in Mongolia, which has begun studied recently and we are the third graduate students whose major are ecology at National University. Hence, sometimes universities lack ecologist professor, who can teach core ecology course.

Since I did my bachelor thesis work on moth community ecology, I have been interested in community ecology. Then I got position as a researcher with the LAKE Project (GEF/WB) at Geo-Ecology Institute. Overall objective of the “LAKE” project is to study climate warming influence and human impacts on the ecosystem and community of the Lake Ider. At that project, I am working with a permafrost team and my responsibility is to define relationship between permafrost and vegetation.

My interests are involved in plant-plant-herbivore interactions, their evolutions. Therefore, I would like to continue my career development in plant ecology field. Moreover, our country has traditional nomadic culture and arid grassland, prone to overgrazing. Once pasture is overgrazed, plant community changes and weed plants invade open space.

The position that you advertised would be an excellent place for me to continue my study and career because I have an interest in plant ecology, and I sense that I would have wonderful opportunity at University of Vermont. I think that the invasive species and its evolution study is very interesting issue. Besides, the possibility to study soil plant feedback and evolutionary genetic issues etc is fascinating me. Moreover, one of the studies, which is about species diversity and landscape, is interesting to me. I found this position is challenging, and the responsibilities and work tasks would provide me a positive push and present a great way to increase my practical and theoretical knowledge.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration and I am looking forward to your favorable reply.
I'm working on some of you grammar and usage problems. How soon do you need this, Garnet?

The SOP is good. To make it better, consider:
1. Re-write or organize the SOP so it has a true beginning and end.
2. Change the flow and tone a bit so it sounds less formal.
These are just personal opinions formed by limited information.
Oo thank you, that was kind of you. Maybe, keeping right tone is one of my problems, I think. Language is usage and I have not so much option to use English everyday. I realised that my dialogue sounds like more formal comparing to native speakers'.

That is not so much in hurry. I have changed it a little. Also, I realized that my SoP sounds like someone's bibliography rather than real SoP. So, I am thinking about change it's style 180 degrees. But I am not sure about it. My idea is that I will include more about my experience or goal than in what I am interested. I am post my new SoP soon.
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Oo thank you, that was kind of you. Maybe, keeping right tone is one of my problems, I think. Language is usage and I have not so much option to use English everyday. I realised that my dialogue sounds like more formal comparing to native speakers'.

That is not so much in hurry. I have changed it a little. Also, I realized that my SoP sounds like someone's bibliography rather than real SoP. So, I am thinking about change it's style 180 degrees. But I am not sure about it. My idea is that I will include more about my experience or goal than in what I am interested. I am post my new SoP soon.