Question: Many people choose to travel abroad to learn a foreign language instead of studying in their hometown.

Do the advantages of learning a new language this way outweigh the disavantages?


My essay:


Learning a new language is an upward trend nowadays. While some people would choose to study in their country, there is a large group of people that decides to study abroad. In my opinion, the benefits of learning a foreign language in another country can outweigh any drawback.


On the one hand, traveling abroad to study a new language may have some disavantages. Firstly, it is expensive because living in a foreign country might cost many fees like tuition, accommodation etc. What is more, studying languages takes a lot of time, so it is going to cost a lot of money. However, there are not many people that can afford this. Furthermore, living away from family, friends and being in a new culture could make learners feel lonely and isolated which impacts on their mental health. Thus, the cons may interfere with the learning.


On the other hand, I believe that the bad influcences of studying a foreign language in another country pale in comparison with the advantages of this experience. In terms of money, the learners can find a job in order to afford the living expenses. That is not only providing money, but also giving opportunities to make new friends to help them feel the sense of belonging to a new culture. Morever, being in alien cultures helps people enrich their experiences which can not happen if they stay in their own country. In addition, studying like this can help the learners achieve greater fluency and shorten the progress. As a result, there are a lot of profits from this experience.


In conclusion, while studying a new language abroad might have some challenges such as adapting to a new culture or financial problems, those who can overcome these will gain many advantages of acquiring new experiences and great fluency of the language. Therefore, I believe that the pros of the experience more than make up for any cons.


Please help me to correct this essay and mark it if you can! Thank you!

Learning a new language [ 1] is an upward trend more popular nowadays than ever before. While some people would choose to study do that in their country, there is a large group of people that decides to study others prefer to study a foreign language abroad. In my opinion, the benefits of learning a foreign language in another country can outweigh any drawbacks.

On the one hand, traveling abroad to study a new language may have some disadvantages. Firstly, it is expensive because living for some time in a foreign country might cost many fees like means having to pay for costly tuition, accommodation, and international flights. [ 2] etc. What is more, studying languages takes a lot of time, so it is going to cost a lot of money. [ 3] However, there are not many people that Thus, not everyone can afford this. Furthermore, living away from family, friends and being in a new one’s own culture could make learners feel lonely and isolated which [ 4] impacts on their mental health and impedes their Thus, the cons may interfere with the learning.

On the other hand, I believe that the bad influcences [ 5] any drawbacks of studying a foreign language in another country pale in comparison with the advantages of this such an experience. In terms of money, the learners can find a job in order to afford meet the living expenses. That is not only provides a source of income, ing money, but also giving opportunities to make new friends to help them feel at home. the sense of belonging to a new culture. Moreover, being in alien cultures living in another country helps people enrich their experience which can not happen if they stay in their own country. In addition, studying like this practising with native speakers can help the learners achieve greater fluency and shorten the time needed to learn the language. progress. As a result, there are a lot of profits from this experience.

In conclusion, while studying a new language abroad might have some challenges such as adapting to a new culture or financial problems, those who can overcome these will gain benefit from many advantages of including acquiring learning about new experiences cultures and great fluency firsthand experience of the language. Therefore, I believe that the pros of the experience more than make up for any cons.

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[ 1]: “upward trend” is used to describe a graph.

[ 2]: Do not use “etc” in your essays.

[ 3]: Note how I incorporated that point into the previous sentence. Always aim to express your ideas in as concise a manner as possible.

[ 4]: Note that “impact” as a verb is not followed by “on”, but as a noun, it can be.

Feeling lonely can impact a person’s health. [ No “on”]

Feeling lonely can have an impact on a person’s health. [ “on”]

[ 5]: Try to avoid general words like “bad” or “thing” in formal writing. Note also the correct spelling of “influences”.

Hi, Teechr!

Thanks a lot for your feedback! It’s really helpful and I really appreciate it. However, I have some question:


1. Firstly, it is expensive because living for some time in a foreign country might cost many fees like means having to pay for costlytuition, accommodation, and international flights: “Might cost many fees…” is inappropriate here or just because it’s repetitive?


2.

teechrThus, the cons may interfere with the learning.
teechrAs a result, there are a lot of profits from this experience.

I am following the PEEL structure in a body paragraph (Point – Explain – Expand – Link) so I used these sentences to link back to the point. Could I ask that they are unnecessary?


3.

teechrTherefore, I believe that the pros of the experience more than make up for any cons.

In the same IELTS book I'm studying, there is an advice to reply to a test question at the conclusion. So is this also not necessary?


4.

teechrIn conclusion, while studying a new language abroad might have some challenges such as adapting to a new culture or financial problems, those who can overcome these will gain benefit from many advantages of including acquiring learning about new experiences cultures and great fluency firsthand experience of the language.

I'm curious why “…those who can overcome these will gain many advantages of acquiring new experiences…” isn’t appropriate here? Because I believe “gain many advantages” and “acquire new experiences” are the right phrases.


5.

teechrOn the other hand, I believe that the bad influcences [ 5] any drawbacks of studying a foreign language in another country pale in comparison with the advantages of this such an experience.

Does “such an experience” just emphasize the experience or “this experience” is inappropriate here?


Thanks a lot for helping me! I'll try to not make those mistakes again.

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Sorry, I forgot one more thing. I hope you don't mind.

Also in the IELTS book I'm studying, the teacher wrote a sentence used "interfere with": "Such problems can even be severe enough to interfere with learning..." So, why is "interfere with" in my sentence below wrong? I tried to look up the meanings of "interfere" and "impede" but I don't really get it.

teechrFurthermore, living away from family, friends and being in a new one’s own culture could make learners feel lonely and isolated which [ 4] impacts on their mental health and impedes interfere with the learning.

Thank you a lot again!

Phương Linh 8534Is "Might cost many fees…” is inappropriate here or is it just because it’s repetitive?

It's not natural.

Phương Linh 8534 I am following the PEEL structure in a body paragraph (Point – Explain – Expand – Link) so I used these sentences to link back to the point. Could I ask that why they are unnecessary?

The phrasing is unnatural. And there's no need to keep repeating the point you're trying to prove. It's okay to do that sparingly, but don't overdo it.

Phương Linh 8534In the same IELTS book I'm studying, there is an advice to reply to a test question at the conclusion. So is this also not necessary?

The "while ...., ...." structure takes care of that. If you want to emphasize your position, then briefly say that at the very start of the conclusion:

"In conclusion, the advantages of learning a language overseas far outweigh any disadvantages. Although studying abroad may present some challenges such as ..."

Phương Linh 8534

Also in the IELTS book I'm studying, the teacher wrote a sentence which used "interfere with": "Such problems can even be severe enough to interfere with learning..." So, why is "interfere with" in my sentence below wrong? I tried to look up the meanings of "interfere" and "impede" but I don't really get it.

I crossed out that part because of "cons". That word is not very formal and is typically used with "pros".

Thank you teechr! It's very invaluable feedback!

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