The chart shows the unemployment rate and the number of people leaving Ireland from 1988 to 2008.


The line graph depicts the unemployment rate and the percentage of people who left Ireland between 1988 and 2008.

Overall, the unemployment rate decreased significantly throughout the period, whereas despite some changes before the number of people leaving Ireland increased steadily from 2002 to 2008.

The unemployment rate in 1988 was the highest, approximately (17%), which was relatively as high as the number of people leaving Ireland (nearly 65.000 people). Between 1988 and 1990 both the 2 percentage and number saw a decrease from nearly 17% to 14,5% for the unemployment rate and from 65.000 to 52.000 for people leaving Ireland.

From 1990 to 2004, both the two percentages generally declined steadily and finally reached their lowest points at 5% for the unemployment rate in 2004 and at 25.000 for people leaving Ireland in 2002.

Between 2004 and 2008, both the 2 percentage and figure increased. However, during this period of time, the increase in the number of people leaving Ireland was more considerable, rising from nearly 26.000 in 2004 to approximately 45.000 in 2008, while the unemployment rate grew slightly from 5% to 6%.

The line graph depicts the unemployment rate and the percentage of people who left Ireland between 1988 and 2008. (If 100% of the people in Ireland emigrated, the country would have no people at all and there would be nobody left to emigrate the next year. If 20,000% left, Ireland would have a negative population. I have never heard of a county with a negative population. )

Overall, the unemployment rate decreased significantly (It did not continuously "significantly" decrease. You should not use the preposition "throughout.") throughout the period, whereas despite some changes before the number of people leaving Ireland increased steadily from 2002 to 2008. (That sentence makes no sense. It is ungrammatical.)

The unemployment rate in 1988 was the highest, approximately (17%), which was relatively as high as (It makes no sense mathematically to compare these two quantities. It only makes sense if you also have the total population. For example, if the population is 3,000,000 and 10% are unemployed, then the number of unemployed is a three hundred thousand. You can compare that to an absolute number like 50,000. However, you do not know the changing population numbers for each year. ) the number of people leaving Ireland (nearly 65.000 people). Between 1988 and 1990 both the 2 percentage (Not a valid expression. What is a 2 percentage?) and number saw (wrong word. Numbers cannot see. They do not have eyes.) a decrease from nearly 17% to 14,5% for the unemployment rate and from 65.000 to 52.000 for people leaving Ireland.

From 1990 to 2004, both the two percentages (Not a valid expression. What is a 2 percentage? There are not two of them, either.) generally declined steadily and finally reached their lowest points at 5% for the unemployment rate in 2004 and at 25.000 for people leaving Ireland in 2002.

Between 2004 and 2008, both the 2 percentage and figure (wrong word.) increased. However, during this period of time, the increase in the number of people leaving Ireland was more considerable, (These cannot be mathematically compared.) rising from nearly 26.000 in 2004 to approximately 45.000 in 2008, while the unemployment rate grew slightly from 5% to 6%.


Also, your paragraph organization is not clear. You need to be very specific about the logic. You can begin the first of these paragraphs with your logical arrangement for the rest of the essay.

e.g.

First paragraph:

There are three distinct periods in the graph, 1988-1990, 1990-2004 and 2004-2008. In the first period, ...

Second:

In the second period, 1990-2004, ...

Third:

In the final period, 2004-2008, ...

thank you so much