Hi all,

I'm another person that needs help with a Letter of Motivation... It would be great if you had a look at it. I would be very thankful for any comment on the structure, grammar..., also I'm interested in the expression you would have of me after reading the lom.

The institution I apply at gave the following information for the lom: Please write (on a separate sheet of paper) a statement explaining your current goals, career plans and reasons for being interested in a doctoral program at the University of . Discuss your study plans and your intended fields of interest. Your statement should be in English and not exceed two pages (not more than 700 words). (Btw, this lom is not meant as a cover letter.)

OK, here's the first version of me lom (I x marked the local information to avoid that the selection panel could find it in the www, I know, it's a little paranoid... ;-))

cheers, jorgy

Dear Prof. Dr. X,

I am a 25 year old German Sociologist currently working at the X at X. I am writing to you to apply for the Doctoral Program in Sociology at the for X at the University X starting in December 2007.

To attend your Doctoral Program (both in capital letters?) on empirical and quantitative methods is of high interest for me because during my studies of Sociology and Political Sciences at the from 2001 till 2006 I have developed a great interest in empirical social research. While I gained work experience as a student assistant at X from 2001 to 2005 I became awake that I want to start a career as a researcher in the field of empirical social sciences. A first important step towards that goal was obtaining an award from the “X” in November 2005. They funded me for 13 month to work on an expertise about the “Efficiency of the Measurement of Further Education” wherein I compared and evaluated the measurement of further education in four different German surveys. Since this was a part time project I was able to spend three month (May to July 2006) at the Marketing Department at , working as a research assistant on the X Survey Programme. This gave me the opportunity to gather more work experience with a large data set and to improve my English as well in written and spoken in an international environment. Throughout my task on the funded project and on the X data I recognised once more that methodology and quantitative methods are substantial for any social research.

Since January 2007 I am now working as a researcher at X on a project which aims to enhance the quality of the X Survey. Within that project it comes apparent to me again that the use of appropriate methods is crucial to get reliable and valid results exceedingly in the cross-national comparison. Therefore I intend to do my doctoral studies on empirical and quantitative methods whereas my main interest lies in survey methodology for cross-national studies. Thus the topic of my doctoral thesis should be related to a topic dealing with establishment of comparability of data in cross-national surveys. Hence I need a solid education in the fields of empirical and quantitative methods which I expect to obtain in your Doctoral Program.

Additionally I want to mention two more reasons why I have a great interest to gain a doctor’s degree in your program. The first is that the training in empirical and quantitative methods at your is combined with their application to business, economics, and the social sciences. Moreover, notwithstanding the decision for one study field, in my case i.e. Sociology, the exchange across the different disciplines is fostered amongst other things through attending to a seminar in a neighbouring field and through the contact to other students who specialise in these other disciplines. A second reason why I appreciate your is the excellent and international orientated research environment. Both the Social Sciences faculty and the cooperating centres are internationally well renowned and house experts in their fields. This and to study in an English speaking environment would provide me with skills which are necessary to compete internationally successful as a researcher.

I honestly feel confident that the Doctor in Sociology with a focus on empirical and quantitative methods would be the best choice for me. Furthermore it would be an honor for me to be a doctoral student at the funded under the “X” as the first of its kind in . Therefore I would be glad of receiving the opportunity to attend the Graduate School of X.

Thank you very much for considering my application. I’m looking forward hearing from you.

Sincerely yours
1 2
Hi,

please, please help me, I'm afraid to write things which could be missunderstood. I have no other native speaker to read the letter. I don't expect a fully corrected letter, but one of the 22 people who already have read my letter could perhaps write me their expression.

yours

jorgy
Hi Jorgy,

Here is a brief overall comment on structure.

The instructions are to write a statement explaining your current goals, career plans and reasons for being interested in a doctoral program at the University of X. Discuss your study plans and your intended fields of interest.

I would write one paragraph on each of these topics, and start each paragraph with a sentence that explains what the paragraph is about. eg

My current goals are . . .

My long-term career plans include . . .

Your program at X interests me greatly because . .

While at X, I would like to . . .

I think this organization would give your writing more 'focus' and show more that you have an organized mind.

It might also make it easier for people here to review what you write.Emotion: smile

Best wishes, Clive
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Hi Clive,

thank you so much Emotion: big smile! I wrote another version along your proposal but I still left inside the information on my experience cause this is the only way to show what I have done. They don't want to have a CV. I marked the word in orange which express what I want to say in the paragraph. I hope you could have a look on it again.

Best, Jorgy

Dear Dr. X,

I am a 25 year old German Sociologist currently working at the X at Y. I am writing to you to apply for the Doctoral Program in Sociology at the Center X at the for X at the University X starting in September 2007.

My interest in the empirical social sciences was well founded during my studies of Sociology and Political Sciences at the from 2001 till 2006. While working as a student assistant at X (2004-2006) on an empirical test of the X Theory I enjoyed the challenge to work with empirical data for theory testing. At this time I became awake that my long term career plan is to become a scientist in the field of X research. A first important step towards that goal was obtaining an award from the “X” in December 2005. They funded me for 13 month to work on an expertise about the “X” wherein I compared and evaluated the measurement of further education in four different German surveys. Since this was a part time project I was able to spend three month (May to July 2006) at the Marketing Department at X working as a research assistant on the X Programme. This gave me the opportunity to gather more work experience with large data sets and to improve my English as well in written and spoken in an international environment.

Since January 2007 I am now working as a researcher at X in the X Centre on a project which aims to enhance the quality of the X. Within that project it comes apparent to me that the use of appropriate methods for the development of a survey instrument is crucial to get reliable and valid data, exceedingly in the cross-national comparison. Therefore my current goal is to start the conferral of a doctorate on survey methodology for cross-national studies whereas my doctoral thesis should be related to a topic dealing with establishment of comparability of data in cross-national surveys.

Your Doctoral Program at the University of X interests me greatly because I expect to obtain the solid education in the fields of empirical and quantitative methods which I need to be successful in obtaining a Doctor’s degree on a methodological topic of cross-national survey research. Furthermore I appreciate that the training in empirical and quantitative methods at your is combined with their application to business, economics, and the social sciences. Moreover, notwithstanding the decision for one study field, in my case i.e. Sociology, the exchange across the different disciplines is fostered amongst other things through attending to a seminar in a neighbouring field and through the contact to other students who specialise in these other disciplines. Another reason why I’m interested in becoming one of your students is the excellent and international orientated research environment. Both, the Social Sciences faculty and the cooperating centres are internationally well renowned and house experts in their fields. This and to study in an English speaking environment would give me great support while working on my doctoral thesis and provide me with skills which are necessary to compete internationally successful as a survey researcher.

So, if I’m successful in applying for a place at your Program at the , I would like to deepen my knowledge especially of survey methodology and quantitative methods. Also I’m greatly interested in X as electives because in my opinion an additional knowledge within these research areas would be very beneficial for my doctoral thesis in the field of X research.

I honestly feel confident that your Doctoral Program in Sociology at the for X with a focus on empirical and quantitative methods would be the best choice for me. Furthermore it would be an honor for me to be a doctoral student at the funded under the “X” . Therefore I would be glad of receiving the opportunity to attend the Graduate School of X at the .

Thank you very much for considering my application. I’m looking forward hearing from you.

Sincerely yours
Hi Jorgy,

I still feel your organization could be 'tighter', more focused, in the way that I suggested. Remember that you can highlight words in orange for me, but you can't do that when you mail this letter to the University.

Do you want to make any more changes to this, or do you just want us to look now at your grammar and English?

Best wishes, Clive
Hi Clive,

you are really fast-thanks! I try to get it tighter, and if I don't get it, It would be great if you could check grammar. But I post again at the end of the day.

Cheers, jorgy

PS: I cannot believe how nice and fast you gurus of this forum work-thanks alot!
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Hi Clive,

I made some changes but did not restructure the whole LoM. Could you now please have a look on the grammar (especially with the commas I'm really bad) and my English? I'm so glad that I found your forum-you are great!!!

Thanks so much! Emotion: paradise
Jorgy

Dear Dr. X, dear Prof. Dr. X,
I am a 25 year old German sociologist currently working at the Centre X at I am writing to apply for the Doctoral Program in X at the Center for X at the starting in December 2007.

My interest in the empirical social sciences has developed during my studies of Sociology and Political Sciences at the which I have finished after 9 semesters in summer 2006. While working as an assistant at X from 2004 till 2006 I was challenged with an empirical test of the X Theory. At that time I decided that my long term career plan is to become a scientist in the field of X research. In December 2005 I obtained an award from the “X" to work for 13 month on an expertise about the “X". In that project I compared and evaluated the measurement of X in four different German surveys. Since this was a part time project I could take the chance to spend three month (X-X) at the X Department at at X, Canada, working as a research assistant on the X Programme. There, I gathered more work experience with large data sets in an international environment. Since January 2007 I am working as a researcher at X in the X Centre for Xon a project which key aim is the quality enhancement of the X by bringing together X teams with survey practitioners with a view to harmonizing raised standards of academic practice within and beyond the X.

So far it became clear to me that the use of appropriate methods for the development of a survey instrument as well as for data analysis is crucial to get reliable and valid results, in particular in cross-national comparisons. Therefore my current goal is to specialize in survey methodology for cross-national studies whereas my doctoral thesis should be related to a topic dealing with establishing the comparability of the data in cross-national surveys. By attending to your Doctoral Program I would like to deepen my knowledge especially of survey methodology and quantitative methods. Also I’m greatly interested in social and cognitive psychology as electives because additional knowledge within these research areas would be very beneficial for my doctoral thesis in the field of cross-national survey research.

Your Doctoral Program at the meets my interests because I expect to receive the knowledge in the fields of X and X methods which helps me to be successful in obtaining a Doctor’s degree on a methodological topic of cross-national survey research. Furthermore I appreciate that the training in empirical and quantitative methods at your is combined with their application to X, X and the social sciences. Moreover, notwithstanding the decision for one study field the exchange across the different disciplines is fostered through attending a seminar in a neighboring field and through the exchange with students of other disciplines. This aspect is very important to me because I think, to study a social phenomenon different approaches and views always should be considered. Another reason why I’m interested in becoming admitted to your is the excellent and internationally orientated research environment. Both, the Social Sciences Faculty (all in capitals?) and the cooperating centres are internationally well renowned and house experts in their fields. All in all, to be taught by experts and to study in an English speaking, multidisciplinary environment would provide me with skills which are necessary to compete internationally as a survey researcher and would give me support while working on my doctoral thesis.

I honestly feel confident that your Doctoral Program in Sociology with a focus on empirical and quantitative methods would be the best choice for me. Furthermore it would be an honor for me to be a doctoral student at the funded under the “X". Therefore I would be glad for the opportunity to attend the Graduate School of X at the .
Thank you very much for considering my application. I’m looking forward hearing from you.

Sincerely Yours

Hi,

OK, I edited this.

Good luck, Clive

Dear Dr. X and Prof. Dr. X,

I am a 25 year old German sociologist currently working at the X Centre at X. I am writing to apply for the Doctoral Program in X at the Center for X at the University of X, starting in December 2007.

My interest in the empirical social sciences has developed during my studies of Sociology and Political Sciences at the University of X, which I finished in the summer of 2006 after 9 semesters. Did you get a degree? While working as an assistant at X from 2004 till 2006 I was challenged by an empirical test of the X Theory. At that time ,I decided that my long term career plan was to become a scientist in the field of X research. In December 2005, I obtained an award from the “X" to work for 13 months on an expertise <<< wrong word. study? treatise? about the “X". In that project, I compared and evaluated the measurement of X in four different German surveys. Since this was a part time project, I had an opportunity to spend three months (X-X) at the X Department of X University in X, Canada, working as a research assistant on the X Programme. There, I gained more work experience with large data sets in an international environment. Since January 2007 I have been working as a researcher at X in the X Centre for X on a project whose key aim is the quality enhancement of the X by bringing together X teams with survey practitioners, with a view to harmonizing and raising ??? standards of academic practice within and beyond the X.

It has become clear to me that the use of appropriate methods for the development of a survey instrument as well as for data analysis is crucial to obtain reliable and valid results, in particular in cross-national comparisons. Therefore my current goal is to specialize in the survey methodology for cross-national studies ,whereas my doctoral thesis should be related to a topic dealing with establishing the comparability of the data in cross-national surveys. By participating in your Doctoral Program, I would like to deepen my knowledge, especially of survey methodology and quantitative methods. In addition, I am greatly interested in social and cognitive psychology as electives, because additional knowledge within these research areas would be very beneficial for my doctoral thesis in the field of cross-national survey research.

Your Doctoral Program at the University of X matches my interests because I expect to improve my knowledge in the fields of X and X methods, which in turm will help me to be successful in obtaining a Doctoral degree on a methodological topic of cross-national survey research. Furthermore I appreciate that the training in empirical and quantitative methods at your Graduate School is combined with their application to X, X and the social sciences. Moreover, notwithstanding the decision for one study field the exchange of knowledge across the different disciplines is fostered through attending seminars in neighboring fields and through interaction with students of other disciplines. This aspect is very important to me because I think that, to study a social phenomenon, different approaches and views should always be considered. Another reason for my interest in admission to your Graduate School is the excellent and internationally oriented research environment. Both the Social Sciences Faculty (all in capitals? OK) and the co-operating centres are internationally well renowned and house experts in their fields. All in all, to be taught by experts and to study in an English speaking, multidisciplinary environment would provide me with skills which are necessary to compete internationally as a survey researcher and would give me support while working on my doctoral thesis.

I honestly feel confident that your Doctoral Program in Sociology with a focus on empirical and quantitative methods would be the best choice for me. Furthermore it would be an honor for me to be a doctoral student at the Graduate School funded under the “X". Therefore I would be grateful for the opportunity to attend the University of X.

Thank you very much for considering my application. I am looking forward hearing from you.

Sincerely Yours
Thanks a lot Clive!!! (Sorry for the late reply, but I was travelling for some weeks without internet access!)

And by the way, my application with the LoM has been successful!

Your forum is a great help for all of us english beginners :-) Thank you for taking the time!

Best, Jorgy
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