This letter is part of my application for a research master at a university. I have some problems with my English language skills, so please help me by correcting and commenting the letter below. Thank you in advance!

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Dear Sir / Madam,

With this letter, I would like to apply for the Research Master in ... for the academic year 2006 - 2007. Last March I had a meeting with some staff members of the ... department about the opportunities within regarding excellent students. The opportunity to enroll in the research master programme was one of the subjects I was very much interested in. Therefore, I arranged a meeting with Dr. ... to inquire after the research master programme, after which I was totally convinced to apply.

Previous academic year I completed the premaster organisation studies at . Preliminarily this year I studied for four years at the in . During the final phase of this study I got confronted with a lot of different aspects of doing social research, which I found very interesting. This interest was one of the main reasons to change the military for .

I experienced my first year at as inspiring. The combination of training in theory and methods of psychology and sociology, the study of coordination and organizing, and empirical research on organisational phenomena was challenging. My insight in how research is conducted in the social sciences has considerably grown and I am very motivated to expand my skills and insights within this field of science. By means of the research master it is possible for me to develop knowledge, ability and insight on state-of-the-art knowledge in the field of organisation studies and I am convinced that it can provide me an optimal preparation for a scientific career option in academic research. The cooperation with the faculty’s best researchers and research groups on answering the question how organizations cope with complexity and dynamics seems also very challenging to me.

Four years of working in the military give me experiences in working individually or in a team, adapting to a constantly changing work environment and maintaining good working relationships with individuals of different backgrounds. I am a highly-motivated individual, with a professional attitude and appearance. I work well under pressure and am able to work to strict deadlines. I understand that admission to the Research Master in ... is competitive, but I am also confident that I am qualified and eager, and prepared to meet all of its challenges. I know that the unique mix of previous work experience, education, and motivation to excel will make me a suitable applicant.

Please contact me if you require any further details or documents. I would be most grateful if you could give my application your most favorable consideration.

Yours faithfully,

Jaap
Anonymous
This letter is part of my application for a research master at a university. I have some problems with my English language skills, so please help me by correcting and commenting the letter below. Thank you in advance! Are you applying for a master's degree? Or is there a position called "research master"? This is not a term I am familiar with, so I don't know if my advice is useful.

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Dear Sir / Madam,

With this letter, I would like to apply for the Research Master in ... for the academic year 2006 - 2007. Last March, I had a meeting with some staff members of the ... department about the opportunities within Twente University for excellent students. The opportunity to enroll in the research master programme was one of the subjects I was very much interested in. Therefore, I arranged a meeting with Dr. ... to inquire about the [you don't need to repeat the name every time - just call it the programme] programme, after which I was [totally convinced to apply - this doesn't sound professional] very excited about the opportunity.

In the previous academic year, I completed the premaster organisation [is this the right term?] studies at Twente University. Prior to this year, I studied for four years at the Royal Netherlands Military Academy in Breda. During the final phase of this study I [got confronted with a lot of different aspects of doing - no] had the opportunity to perform social research, which I found very interesting. This interest was one of the main reasons to change the military [I'm not sure what you're saying here] for Twente University.

My first year at Twente University was inspiring. The combination of training in theory and methods of psychology and sociology, the study of coordination and organizing, and empirical research on organisational phenomena was challenging. My insight in how research is conducted in the social sciences has grown considerably, and I am very motivated to expand my skills and insights within this field of science. The research master will allow me to develop knowledge, ability and insight on state-of-the-art knowledge in the field of organisation studies, and I am convinced that it can provide me the optimal preparation for a scientific career option in academic research. The cooperation with the faculty’s best researchers and research groups to answer the questions about how organizations cope with complexity and dynamics also seems very challenging to me.

-- I'm sorry - I've run out of time - perhaps someone else can help with the rest. --

Four years of serving in the military give me experiences in working individually or in a team, adapting to a constantly changing work environment and maintaining good working relationships with individuals of different backgrounds. I am a highly-motivated individual, with a professional attitude and appearance. I work well under pressure and am able to work to strict deadlines. I understand that admission to the Research Master in ... is competitive, but I am also confident that I am qualified and eager, and prepared to meet all of its challenges. I know that the unique mix of previous work experience, education, and motivation to excel will make me a suitable applicant.

Please contact me if you require any further details or documents. I would be most grateful if you could give my application your most favorable consideration.

Yours faithfully,

Jaap

Thank you for your help. I am indeed applying for a Master’s degree program (MPHIL.) Could someone please check the final paragraph, to erase the errors?

Thanks
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The last paragraph needs very little correction, in my opinion, just change 'give' to 'has given' and that's it.