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Actually I think my personal statement is too wordy,please help me with this problem. Thank you for your time!

The first time I saw the “Chinese Bridge” competition on television, I thought it amazing that those people spoke Chinese so well. Since China is one of the most popular countries in the world, many people are showing unprecedented interest and enthusiasm in Chinese language and culture, so I choose teaching Chinese as my career.

At university, I have become better acquainted with language acquisition and education through classes such as Second Language Acquisition and Introduction of teaching Chinese as a second language. To me, learning a language is not just getting to know how to speak it, but also to learn about the country, its people, and its culture. It does not just simply help people communicate. It is a mean to bring people all over the world closer together no matter what skin color, what race, or what religion they are. Therefore, the language teachers do not just teach a language but also help break down boundaries between human beings around the world. Thus, I think teaching a language is a great honor.

It is my academic achievements that also make me more confident about this career path.With 31% excellent grades (90-100) and 53% good grades (80-90), I have no doubt that I will be capable of maintaining good academic records if I am granted a fellowship for your master's program.Outside the classroom, I have also expanded my basic knowledge of Literature and Psychology,reading extensively on ancient Chinese culture and writing a thesis on famous ancient poetry (“The Analysis of XXX.”). In receiving national psychology consultant certification, I have also acquired knowledge useful to language acquisition and education.I intend to integrate such knowledge throughout my career path in an effort to enlighten others.

As for the research practice, it has brought me knowledge and skills beyond the classroom.This year, I managed a university students' innovative project which analyzed overseas students’ classroom discourse.We analyzed the accuracy, fluency and complexity of the discourse by using language performance theory and the structure of conversation by using conversational structure analysis. Our results accurately reflected the characteristics of intermediate Chinese learners and we are now searching for suitable ways to help develop their speaking performance.Through this project,I developed relevant skills in analyzing problems found in class and applying principles of language acquisition.

I have also acquired practical experience in teaching.I first taught an American Chinese when I was a sophomore.I taught he daily dialogues and Chinese characteristics.Sometimes some Chinese said that he speaks Chinese well and he replied”Xiexie!This is because I have a good Chinese teacher!”.It gave me a sense of achievement because I made meaningful contributions to his Chinese. Over the past three years, I have worked with young people as a teacher and youth worker in summer vacation. My experience working in varied environments has enabled me to develop a range of practical skills. I am able to manage challenging behavior effectively, conduct activities safely and communicate with people from diverse backgrounds.

This semester I interned at the International Chinese language academy of XX University,and I faced more challenges than I had expected.I found that students could not remember much of the previous lesson and could not reproduce expressions in dialogue practice. I adjusted the teaching method, reduced the vocabulary they needed to learn, and increased the repetition rate.I also encouraged them to create new scenarios to vary language patterns.The students' interest and accuracy increased, and this experience made me realize the importance of teaching methodologies in teaching. I also helped organize activities such as “World Culture week” that engaged students in general awareness raising about cultural diversity.Chinese teachers do not just take the responsibility to provide students with a means for career strives, but actually aid in making people in different cultures closer together.

As a graduate of a Chinese department, I have a clear vision of the present state and the promising future of Chinese teaching. We are in want of not only solid principles of second language acquisition, but also effective teaching methodologies.For that reason,I am applying to your Master's Programme in Teaching Chinese As A Second Language. The program attracts me with its outstanding faculty and curriculum which provides knowledge about second language acquisition theories and methodologies about teaching Chinese in international curriculum such as IB, GCSE, AP.It also provides opportunity for students with experience in the real second language classroom and gave theory a chance to perfect itself in practice.In addition, Hong Kong is a vibrant world city where global cultures meet, mix, and mesh: this environment is very conducive to the study of language.

Undoubtedly the XX University leads the theoretical research and practice of TCSL, and I plan to learn first the theory on the English studying process of students of other languages and at the same time, English teaching methodology, i.e. how a teacher deals with the problems found in the students and helps them achieve good study results. Also, I will familiarize myself with Hong Kong culture and enhance my own comprehensive ability of the English and Cantonese. I believe outstanding research achievements will be obtained through my careful observation, mindful reflection plus my creativity and inspiration.

After graduation, I intend initially to teach Chinese in an international school, applying theoretical knowledge to teaching practice; then I would like to pursue a Ph.D in language education or applied linguistics,and research Chinese studying method appropriate to foreign learners.With all my heart and soul, I hope the programme will nominate me for the fellowship of master in TCSL.
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The first time I saw the “Chinese Bridge” competition on television, I thought it was amazing. How could these people speak Chinese so well! Since China is one of the most popular countries in the world, I realize that many people are showing unprecedented interest and enthusiasm in Chinese language and culture, so I choose teaching Chinese as my future career.

Over the past three years at university, I have learned a great deal about linguistics through classes such as Modern Chinese Language, Introduction to Linguistics and Second Language Acquisition. I have become better acquainted with the knowledge of Chinese linguistics and language education through these studies. To me, learning a language is not just getting to know how to speak it, but also to learn about the country, its people, and its culture. It does not just simply help people communicate. It is the very means to bring people all over the world closer together no matter what skin color, what race, or what religion they are. Therefore, the language teachers do not just teach a language but also help break down boundaries between human beings around the world. Thus, I think teaching a language is a great honor.

In terms of academic achievements and personal reflection, I come to be confident of this career path.My three years in university was marked by 31% excellent grades (90-100) and 53% good grades (80-90). I have no doubt that I will be capable of maintaining good academic records if I am granted a fellowship to join the master program.Outside the classroom, I have also expanded my basic knowledge of Literature and Psychology. I have read plenty of books of ancient Chinese culture and written a thesis about a famous ancient poetry (“The Analysis of XXX). In the process of getting the national psychology consultant certification, I have acquired useful knowledge related to language acquisition and education. I intend to integrate such knowledge throughout my career path in an effort to enlighten others.

As for the research practice, it has brought me a lot of knowledge and skills which I can’t acquire in the classroom. I hosted a university students' innovative and practical project this year, whose goal is to try to analyze overseas students’ classroom discourse with my classmates. We filmed their classroom performance and transcribed videos to text. One problem we have encountered in experiment is what kind of method we should use to analyze data. Fortunately I attended Professor XXX's lecture at theXXXForum, and the concept of the lecture is to focus on the pragmatic factors in language use, and to promote the cultivation of students' pragmatic competence in real context. Inspired by this, we analyzed the accuracy, fluency and complexity of the discourse by using CSL theory and the structure of conversation by using the method of conversational structure analysis. We got results that can reflect the characteristics of intermediate Chinese learners. Now based on the results, we are searching for suitable ways to help develop their speaking performance. Through this project, I have learned analysis methods of language acquisition and language use, such as corpus collecting, processing and analysis, which raised my ability to find and analyze problems. Meanwhile, the application and the planning of the entire project has also improved my organization and communication skills.

While the project experience demonstrated my ability in language analysis, educational practice allows me to acquire practical experience in teaching Chinese. This semester I conducted an internship at xxxUniversity, and I faced more challenges than I expected. One of the challenges is that I found students cannot remember the contents of the previous lesson and cannot say correct words and sentences in dialogue practice. I adjusted the teaching method, reduced the number of words and sentences they need to learn, and increased the repetition rate. I also encouraged them to create new condition to practice words and sentence patterns. After adjusting the method, the students' interest and accuracy were increased. This experience made me realize the importance of language knowledge in teaching.

As a graduate from Chinese department, I have a clear vision of the present state and the promising future of Chinese teaching. The enthusiasm and quantity of Chinese are not merited by quality, the lack of scientific guideline or the need of profound theory of linguistics as its support may be the answers. We are in want of not only effective teaching methodologies, but also the principles of second language acquisition. For that reason, I am applying to your school for the Master Program of Chinese linguistics and Language Acquisition. The program attracted me with its first class teachers and scientific curricula. which allows me acquire the systematic Chinese language structure and language acquisition training. In addition, The xxxJoint Center for Language, Mind and Brain provides students an international platform for advancing knowledge. Besides, Hong Kong is a vibrant world city where global cultures meet, mix, and mesh,this environment is more conducive to the study of language.

Undoubtedly the xxxUniversityleads the theoretical research and practice of CLLA, I plan to focus on the theory of the Chinese studying process of foreign students as well as language analysis methodology, i.e. how to analyze the corpus data collected in the natural environment. Also, I will familiarize myself with Hong Kong culture, and enhance my own comprehensive ability of the English and Cantonese. I believe outstanding research achievements will be obtained through my careful observation, mindful reflection plus my creativity and inspiration.

After graduate education, I intend to go in for Chinese teaching in an international school first, applying theoretical knowledge to teaching practice. Then I might study for a Ph.D in second language acquisition and work in a language research institute, where I will be actively engaged in searching for the Chinese studying method that suits the foreign people.
It is pretty good. It is, however, too wordy; have pity on those who must read hundreds of these letters each year. A few suggestions:

The first time I saw the “Chinese Bridge” competition on television, I thought it amazing that those people spoke Chinese so well. Since China is one of the most important countries in the world, many people are showing unprecedented interest in Chinese language and culture, so I choose teaching Chinese as my career.

At university, I have become better acquainted with Chinese linguistics and language education through classes such as Modern Chinese Language, Introduction to Linguistics and Second Language Acquisition. Learning a language is not just knowing how to speak it, but also learning about the country, its people, and its culture. It is a means to bring people all over the world closer together. Language teachers do not just teach a language but also help break down boundaries between peoples.

I am confident of my ability to follow this career path. With 31% excellent grades (90-100%) and 53% good grades (80-90%), I will be capable of maintaining good academic records if I am granted a fellowship for your master's program. Outside the classroom, I have also expanded my basic knowledge of literature and psychology, reading extensively on ancient Chinese culture and writing a thesis on famous ancient poetry (“The Analysis of XXX). In receiving national psychology consultant certification, I have also acquired knowledge useful to language acquisition and education.

Research has brought me knowledge and skills beyond the classroom. This year, I managed a university students' innovative and practical project which analyzed overseas students’ classroom discourse. We filmed their classroom performance and transcribed videos to text. One problem we encountered was the analytic method we should use. Fortunately, I had attended Professor XXX's lecture at theXXXForum. Its focus was the pragmatic factors in language use and the cultivation of students' pragmatic competence in real contexts. Inspired by this, we analyzed the accuracy, fluency and complexity of the discourse by using CSL theory and the structure of conversation by using conversational structure analysis. Our results accurately reflected the characteristics of intermediate Chinese learners. We are now searching for suitable ways to help develop their speaking performance. Through this project, I have learned analysis methods of language acquisition and language use, such as corpus collecting, processing and analysis, which has improved my ability to find and analyze problems. The planning and implementation of the project has also improved my organizational and communication skills.

I have also acquired practical experience in teaching Chinese. This semester I interned at xxx University, and I faced more challenges than I had expected. I found that students could not remember much of the previous lesson and could not reproduce expressions in dialogue practice. I adjusted the teaching method, reduced the vocabulary they needed to learn, and increased the repetition rate. I also encouraged them to create new scenarios to vary language patterns. The students' interest and accuracy increased, and this experience made me realize the importance of language knowledge in teaching.

As a graduate of a Chinese department, I have a clear vision of the present state and the promising future of Chinese teaching. We are in want of not only effective teaching methodologies, but also solid principles of second language acquisition. For that reason, I am applying to your Master's Program in Chinese Linguistics and Language Acquisition. The program attracts me with its outstanding faculty and curriculum, and the xxx Joint Center for Language, Mind and Brain provides us an international platform for advancing knowledge. In addition, Hong Kong is a vibrant world city where global cultures meet, mix, and mesh: this environment is very conducive to the study of language.

xxx University leads in theoretical research and practice of CLLA, and I plan to focus on the theory of the Chinese acquisition process by foreign learners as well as language analysis methodology. Also, I will familiarize myself with Hong Kong culture and enhance my own ability in English and Cantonese.

After graduation, I intend initially to teach Chinese in an international school, applying theoretical knowledge to teaching practice; then I would like to pursue a PhD in second language acquisition and work in a language research institute, where I can research Chinese acquisition methods appropriate to foreign learners
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Thank you for your advice! You did me a big favour,I really appreciate that!
You should post your revised version to the link below and highlight the new/modified bits to make it easier for us.
https://www.EnglishForward.com/English/PleasePersonalStatement/bjkrlk/post.htm
teechrYou should post your revised version to the link below
I merged the two threads together. As a courtesy to the teachers here, do not post the same essay (or modifications of it) in two or more different threads!
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Alicia ChowActually I think my personal statement is too wordy
Yes, it is. That is what Mister Micawber told you.

Solution: Delete some of the less important sentences, cut out repetitive ideas and inconsequential details.
I am sorry about this! I changed some paragraphs in this article in order to apply for another programme.I was afraid that just post several paragraphs will make it more difficlut to revise. I am so sorry!Please tell me what should I do,should I highlight sentencess needed revise or just post those paragraphs I need help?
What is your best revision? Did you incorporate Mister Micawber's suggestions?

As we suggested, make your personal statement shorter and more compact.
Each paragraph should make one main point. Make an outline of your points, for example:

1. Introduction
2. Education and interests
3. Highlights of my teaching experience
4. Ambition for my future career
5. Why this position interests me, and what I can contribute
6. Conclusion
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
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