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Dear Sir and Madam:
I'm fourth year Architecture Student of Tishreen University of Syria. I would like to apply for undergraduate program scholarship of Cambridge University of Architecture Department for finishing my study there and graduate, with this step i believe only Cambridge will get me to a high level of knowledge and experience and will help me to give and show more abilities in developing my architectural skills.

I've always had passion in painting, designing and construction since childhood. I also earnestly yearn to create beautiful things on my own and architecture can satisfy my imagination in space, materials, and color. My born interest in this sector is also because of my Dad, who is structural engineer, influencing me gradually and unconsciously since I was a kid and giving me perceptual knowledge in the field. After my studying years in the Department of Architecture, what really makes me choose architecture is its intrinsic appeal, which is just like the maxim written inside the building of the Department of Architecture: “Architecture is the combination of art and technology.”

Perhaps when a person is engaged in what his keen interest blossoms, he will never feel tired, instead he would feel motivated and have an enriching experience. four years' academic study in the School of Architecture of Tishreen University transformed my instinctive excitement and imagination about architecture into systematic knowledge and comprehensive understanding. This transformation, first of all, lies in my skills in the fine arts. Differing from my previous mere interest in fine arts and street arts, the study of architecture makes me begin to ponder on how to draw using aesthetic elements from fine arts such as color, lighting and composition to apply to architecture.

As long as Arts meant to be a big part of me in my life since i was a kid, i grew up as a gifted talented person between colors, lines and imagination.
Through my life i used to develop my artistic skills by myself with no one help.
At age 15 was my start in Graffiti and Street Art, i learned how to use spray paint cans, and moved my art works from papers to walls, and canvases. Along the years of experience and practice i became a professional Artist who have a strong hand in drawing, painting and creating the perfect lines, and whose imagination is ready for designing and details.
When i entered the college I used my artistic skills into Architecture, the strong hand for sketching and designing, and the imagination for planning.
I didn't get enough, so besides to the college courses i’ve improved my abilities in computer architectural programs like AutoCad, 3D Max, and photoshop.

Because of my childhood architectural background, coupled with my passion in Arts and being a famous artists in my area, I gained excellent achievements in practical life, I did a lot of art, designing, and decorating projects. many people and companies asked me to paint for them big murals and decorating their areas.
In 2013 i designed 2 villas around my city, in 2014 i've involved in planning and designing the Orange mall in my city . beside my big art murals that i've did all around my country, and having my own exhibitions. These experiences gave me insights into the relationship between a building's space and its functionality, as well as architectural design's feasibility.

Meanwhile, I learned new ideas in architecture from different views, and especially saw a lot of design drawings of overseas architectural masters. All these experiences have a great impact on me, sparking my intention of studying abroad to learn more in-depth contemporary international architectural conceptions. I especially aspire to get to know in more detail modern western architectural history in the hopes of forming my own architectural conceptions.
Thank you very much for considering my application. I look forward to your positive response.

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I have marked the grammatical issues. It is a good start, but like all well-designed things, it needs many more iterations.


Dear Sir or Madam:
I'm a fourth year architecture student at Tishreen University of Syria. I would like to apply for an undergraduate program and scholarship at Cambridge University of Architecture Department to finish my study there and graduate, with this step i believe only Cambridge will get me to a high level of knowledge and experience and will help me to give and show more abilities in developing my architectural skills.

I've always had passion in painting, designing and construction since childhood. I also earnestly yearn to create beautiful things on my own and architecture can satisfy my imagination in space, materials, and color. My born interest in this sector is also because of my dad, who is a structural engineer, who influenced me gradually and unconsciously since I was a kid, and giving me perceptual knowledge in the field. After my studying years in the Department of Architecture, what really makes me choose architecture is its intrinsic appeal, which is just like the maxim written inside the building of the Department of Architecture: “Architecture is the combination of art and technology.”

Perhaps when a person is engaged in what his keen interest blossoms, he will never feel tired, instead he would feel motivated and have an enriching experience. four years' academic study in the School of Architecture of Tishreen University transformed my instinctive excitement and imagination about architecture into systematic knowledge and comprehensive understanding. This transformation, first of all, lies in my skills in the fine arts. Differing from my previous mere interest in fine arts and street arts, the study of architecture makes me begin to ponder on how to draw using aesthetic elements from fine arts such as color, lighting and composition to apply to architecture.

As long as Arts meant to be a big part of me in my life since i was a kid, i grew up as a gifted talented person between colors, lines and imagination.
Through my life i used to develop my artistic skills by myself with no one help.
At age 15 was my start in Graffiti and Street Art, i learned how to use spray paint cans, and moved my art works from papers to walls, and canvases. Along the years of experience and practice i became a professional Artist who have a strong hand in drawing, painting and creating the perfect lines, and whose imagination is ready for designing and details.
When i entered the college I used my artistic skills into Architecture, the strong hand for sketching and designing, and the imagination for planning.
I didn't get enough, so besides to the college courses i’ve improved my abilities in computer architectural programs like AutoCad, 3D Max, and photoshop.

Because of my childhood architectural background, coupled with my passion in Arts and being a famous artists in my area, I gained excellent achievements in practical life, I did a lot of art, designing, and decorating projects. many people and companies asked me to paint for them big murals and decorating their areas.
In 2013 i designed 2 villas around my city, in 2014 i've (missing word) involved in planning and designing the Orange mall in my city . beside my big art murals that i've did all around my country, and having my own exhibitions. (fragment) These experiences gave me insights into the relationship between a building's space and its functionality, as well as architectural design's feasibility.

Meanwhile, I learned new ideas in architecture from different views, and especially saw a lot of design drawings of overseas architectural masters. All these experiences have a great impact on me, sparking my intention of studying abroad to learn more in-depth contemporary international architectural conceptions. I especially aspire to get to know in more detail modern western architectural history in the hopes of forming my own architectural conceptions.
Thank you very much for considering my application. I look forward to your positive response.

Comments  
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Dear Sir / Madam,
Allow me to introduce myself, my name is ......................... I'm studying Architecture at Tishreen University in Syria. And I am pleased to apply for undergraduate program scholarship of Cambridge University of Architecture Department to complete my study there.
I didn’t put much effort in searching for another university since your great reputation is ahead of all other universities, your study program, excellent learning environment and the highly qualified staff will offer me all promising career opportunities and pushing me to make my dreams come true and become a great talented architect.
Well, "The mother art is architecture,Without­ architecture of our own we have no soul of our own civilization" this quote of the great architect Frank Lloyd Wright is really describing my belief in architecture.
So I put an eye on an aim for being a part of the world improvement processes.

It is my dream to make my marks and leave my own fingerprints to this great world of architecture. That is why I chose architecture as my path. It will fulfill my passion and improve my creativity and logical skills.
So i finished my baccalaureate with high degrees which allowed me to enter the Architecture college that I've ever wanted.

I like art, I have always been into it. I was raised in a home full of inspiration and creativity and involved myself in the artwork since my childhood; I have always liked drawing, creating things, making unique accessories, furniture, and even clothes. At the same time, I have always engaged mathematics and geometry developing not only artistic skills and the vivid imagination but also the strong controlled analytical thinking and logical mind.

I am a quick learner, hardworking and ambitious person motivated by goal achievement, So along with four years studying, I improved my skills, when my passion for designs and details and architecture had increased year by year. In addition to the college courses I've improved my abilities in architectural designing programs like AutoCAD, 3D Max, and Photoshop, and I have done some studio and design works during my studies.

One of my other interests besides architecture is photography, I love focusing more on minute details of life, human nature and architecture It's like a music consists of flow, rhythm, harmony, repetition.
I've always impressed by the details, views, colors around me I couldn't walk without carrying my camera and taking nice shots of it.

I believe this scholarship will open my path to do better in architecture engineering.I plan to continue studying and find a good university for Master degree if I can get this opportunity. I sincerely hope that my qualifications and educational experiences will meet your high requirements.


I thank you for your consideration, and I am looking forward to your reply.

You did not incorporate some of my previous comments. You need to change your casual use of language to something more professional.



Dear Sir / Madam,
Allow me to introduce myself, my name is ......................... I'm studying Architecture at Tishreen University in Syria. And I am pleased to apply for undergraduate program scholarship of Cambridge University of Architecture Department to complete my study there.
I didn’t put much effort in searching for another university since your great reputation is ahead of all other universities, your (comma splice error) study program, excellent learning environment and the highly qualified staff will offer me all promising career opportunities and pushing me to make my dreams come true and become a great talented architect.
Well, "The mother art is architecture,Without­ architecture of our own we have no soul of our own civilization" this quote of the great architect Frank Lloyd Wright is really describing my belief in architecture.
So I put an eye on an aim for being a part of the world improvement processes.

It is my dream to make my marks and leave my own fingerprints to this great world of architecture. That is why I chose architecture as my path. It will fulfill my passion and improve my creativity and logical skills.
So i finished my baccalaureate with high degrees (A high degree is a PhD or post-doctorate) which allowed me to enter the Architecture college that I've ever wanted.

I like art, I have always been into it. I was raised in a home full of inspiration and creativity and involved myself in the artwork since my childhood; I have always liked drawing, creating things, making unique accessories, furniture, and even clothes. At the same time, I have always engaged mathematics and geometry developing not only artistic skills and the vivid imagination but also the strong controlled analytical thinking and (missing word) logical mind.

I am a quick learner, (missing word) hardworking and ambitious person motivated by goal achievement, So along with four years studying, I improved my skills, when my passion for designs and details and architecture had increased year by year. In addition to the college courses (missing punctuation)I've improved my abilities in architectural designing programs like AutoCAD, 3D Max, and Photoshop, and I have done some studio and design works during my studies.

One of my other interests besides architecture is photography, I love focusing more on minute details of life, human nature and architecture It's like a music(missing word) consists of flow, rhythm, harmony, repetition.
I've always (missing word) impressed by the details, views, colors around me I couldn't walk (??) without carrying my camera and taking nice shots of it.

I believe this scholarship will open my path to do better in architecture engineering.I plan to continue studying and find a good university for (missing word) Master degree if I can get this opportunity. I sincerely hope that my qualifications and educational experiences will meet your high requirements.