# Please Review This Essay For Me?

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The two line graphs compares the numbers of overseas and local students enrolled into Australian universities between 2001 to 2010. The graphs gives information on students just commencing their studies and their sum total for both local and foreign students.
Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of local students were greater than that of the international students, throughout the ten year period by both measurements. However the number of overseas students increased steadily while the total number of local students reached its peak between 2001-2006 and remained constant.
Moving to a more detailed analysis, the total number of students stood at 20,000 and 400,000 for international and local students respectively. 180 thousand native Australians gained admissions into colleges and a percentage of 10 thousand foreign students were admitted.
However, international admissions rose significantly to 40,000 in the 2009 to 2010, while local admissions increased just a little above 200,000 and remained constant despite experiencing some fluctuations.
By 2010, the total number of overseas students enrolled into Australian universities had increased dramatically to an average of 80 thousand compared to local enrollment which rose to 600,000.

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The two line graphs compares (wrong form) the numbers of overseas and local students enrolled into Australian universities between 2001 to 2010. The graphs gives (wrong form) information on ("Give information on" is vague. It does not tell the reader what is plotted.) students just commencing their studies and their sum total for both local and foreign students. (It is impossible to determine from your description what is on each chart. You have jumbled them together.)

Overall, it can be seen that (Those are useless filler words. Delete.) the percentage ( I do not see any percentages on these graphs. Explain how you are calculating the percentage from the data. ) of local students were (wrong form) greater than that of the international students, throughout the ten year period by both measurements. (Which measurements are you referring to?) However the number of overseas students increased steadily while the total number of local students reached its peak (wrong word. That curve, total of local students, does not have a peak.) between 2001-2006 and remained constant.
Moving to a more detailed analysis, (Those are useless filler words. Delete.) the total number of students stood at 20,000 and 400,000 for international and local students respectively. 180 thousand (Never begin a sentence with a digit 0-9) native Australians gained admissions into colleges and a percentage (ten thousand percent???) of 10 thousand foreign students were admitted.
However, international admissions rose significantly to 40,000 in the 2009 to 2010, while local admissions increased just a little above 200,000 and remained constant despite experiencing (wrong word) some fluctuations.
(wrong word.) By 2010, the total number of overseas students enrolled into Australian universities had increased dramatically to an average (Over what period are you computing this average?) of 80 thousand compared to local enrollment which rose to 600,000.

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Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. It describes your vocabulary errors - peak, fluctuate and experience.

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Sample essay:
Paragraph #1 tells the reader what the information content is for the infographic. It gives the reader all aspects of the plots, including the time frame.

Paragraph #2 describes two or three of the most important features in the information content.

Paragraph #3 focuses on comparing some details. This is too long, a total of about 250 words, but will give you some ideas for vocabulary and combinations of categories.

In Task 1, you will not get a high mark if you only copy values from the graphs to your essay.

The two line graphs compare the numbers of local students versus international students in Australian universities between 2001 and 2010. The first graph is for the overseas students, one curve for those just starting their studies and another with the total student count, while the second graph has the same information for local students.

Overall, there were many more local students than international students throughout this period. But both the enrollments and population of overseas students increased substantially over the period. In contrast, the total number of local students went up in the first six years and then plateaued.

In detail, at the beginning of the period, there were 400 thousand local students and 20 thousand foreign students, a ratio of 20:1. Admissions also were biased toward Australian citizens; of 180 thousand local student admissions, there were only 10 thousand overseas students, a ratio of 18:1. However the situation changed quite a bit over the period as international admissions increased to 40 thousand, and the number of local students entering university barely changed, averaging around 200 thousand annually. In 2010, this ratio was 5:1 (200 thousand versus 40 thousand.) The total count of students reflected this increase in international admissions. By 2010, more than 80 thousand international students were enrolled, compared to 600 thousand local students. The total number of overseas students had quadrupled, but that of the local students had gone up by only 50%.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Pamela Adokibetween 2001 to 2010.

This is awkward. It would be more natural to write between 2001 and 2010, or, from 2001 to 2010. You can choose one of the underlined parts.