Please give me some feedback on this essay. Thank you in advance!
The two maps display how Stock village changed in two years: 1930 and 2010.
Overall, during the 80-year period, a number of changes took place in the town, the most important of which were the elimination of farmlands and the increase in accommodation.
In 1930, a river, named Stoke, ran from the southwest to the northeast of the village. It also had a road crossing in the center and passing through the river over a bridge. Alongside of it were some houses, two shops, a post office, a primary school and gardens containing some trees and large houses. There were also two farmlands, one located next to the river and one near the primary school.
By 2010, significant changes had occurred in the town. The two farmlands had been removed to accommodate the expansion of the road, allowing more houses to be built along it. This resulted in the reduction in the size of the gardens where the large house complex had been converted into retirement homes. However, no changes were made to the post office and the bridge, and two additional housing units were constructed next to the primary school.
The two maps display (wrong word) how Stock (Copy the name correctly! You lose a lot of points for incorrect reporting.) village changed in two years: (wrong expression It does not show changes between January and December 1930 and then another set of changes between January and December, 2010) 1930 and 2010.
Overall, during the 80-year period, a number of changes took place in the town, the most important of which were the elimination (wrong word) of farmlands and the increase in the number of houses . accommodation. (You completely missed the new retirement home! It is blaringly obvious.)
In 1930, a river, named Stoke, ran from the southwest to the northeast of the village. (Did the river change course ?) It also had an intersection a road crossing in the center and passing through (wrong word. If you go through the river, you are swimming!) the river over a bridge. Alongside of it were some houses, two shops, a post office, a primary school and gardens containing some trees and large houses. (wrong reporting. There is one large house, probably a manor house.) There were also two areas used for farmland, one located next to the river and one near the primary school.
By 2010, significant changes had occurred in the town. The two farmlands had been removed (wrong word. We do not remove land, except by shoveling it into trucks and dumping it somewhere else. Homes were built on the farmland.) to accommodate the expansion of the road, allowing more houses to be built along it. This resulted in the reduction in the size of the gardens where the large house complex had been converted into retirement homes. (wrong reporting. There is one retirement home. It has many rooms for the occupants.) However, no changes were made to the post office and the bridge, and two additional housing units were constructed next to the primary school.
Sample essay:
The two maps of the village of Stokeford, as it was in 1930 and in 2010, depict the many changes that occurred between these two years.
Overall, the village grew substantially in size and population and became more residential in character. The primary school was enlarged, its large country home with gardens was converted into a retirement home, and the shops were replaced by housing.
In 1930, Stokeford was a traditional small village surrounded by farmland, bounded on the west side by River Stoke. In the center was a post office, with shops and houses along the main road, which runs in the north - south direction parallel to the river. Between 1930 and 2010, the town expanded considerably. New residential streets were built connecting to the main road. Housing developments were built on the farmland to the east and south of the center and also along the shores of the river. Stokeford in 2010 has no shops in its center. The only feature that was unchanged was the post office on the west side of the main road.