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Please help me correct my mistakes in this essay, i wanted to turn it into Microsoft Word, but my laptop is out of order now. I really need your help😢🙆‍♀️❤

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MynameisMariabut my laptop is out of order now. I really need your help😢🙆‍♀️

Sorry, I do not know how to fix your laptop.


This site cannot process " Microsoft Word" format. Just post plain text.
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I'm so sorry😢, I posted three pictures on this post, but I forgot to add it to the post 😅. I replied these pics here, please help me ❤

Sorry, but I am not going to type your essay in this text box in order to make comments.

My laptop is okay now, I can type the essay, I know that maybe this essay has a lot of mistakes, please help me<3, I will try to improve better ^^. Thank you in advance.

The line graphs show the average number of people who choose trains as a transportation and the comparison between the rates of punctual running trains and the standard ones from 2000 to 2009.

It is noticeable that the number of individuals moving by train seems to be unstable over the nine-year period. In terms of trains departing punctually, the percentage has the same trend as well compared with the goal number.

In 2000, the number of people transported by trains was approximately over 30 million. During the time scale, the figure reached a peak of 45 million passengers in 2005. At the end of this period, the average number had risen slightly to just under 40 million people.

Looking at the percentage of punctual trains, in 2008, there was 92 percent of the total number, while the goal was 95 percent. However, this figure had increased significantly to 96 percent in 2004. After that, the number of these trains had fluctuated, but fortunately, the figure reached the highest point of 97 percent in 2009.

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Your graphs are difficult to read. I think you are using the same practice test as this poster:

https://www.englishforums.com/English/WritingTask1LineGraph/bplwjv/post.htm

I will use those as a reference.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. You will find detailed information on vocabulary appropriate for graphs and charts.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post


The first line graph shows the average number of people who ride on a choose train each year between 2000 and 2009. The second line graph shows s as a transportation and the comparison between the rates (wrong word. Read my advice) the percentage of trains that were on schedule. of punctual running trains and the standard ones from 2000 to 2009.

(These tow graphs have different scales and different subjects. You need to write one sentence for each one. Do not try to mash the information into a single sentence. It does not work logically.)

It is noticeable that the number of individuals moving by train seems to be (Do not use "seem" in Task 1. Seem means a guess or speculation. But you are writing about actual data! These are facts, not guessing.) unstable (wrong word.) over the nine-year period. In terms of trains departing punctually, the percentage has the same trend (wrong expression. Read my advice about trend lines) as well compared with the goal number. (wrong expression)

In 2000, the number of people transported by trains was approximately over 30 million. (Bad expression. Read the values as accurately as possible.) just over 35 million. During the time scale, (Wrong expression. The time scale is the bar with tick marks on the X axis. The time period is the range from the start to the end of the X-axis) ) the figure (wrong word. Read my advice) reached a peak of 45 million passengers in 2005. At the end of this period, the average number had risen slightly to just under 40 million people.

Looking at the percentage of punctual trains, (read my advice - excess verbiage) in 2008, there was 92 percent of the total number, while the goal was 95 percent. However, this figure (wrong word. Read my advice) had increased significantly to 96 percent in 2004. After that, the number of these trains had fluctuated,(wrong word. Read my advice) but fortunately, (That is an opinion word. Just describe the information without your comments.) the figure reached the highest point of 97 percent in 2009.

Thank you very much^^. I really appreciate that ❤. It's helpful indeed❤

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
MynameisMariaTOPIC: The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Sample essay (~190 word)

Discussion and comments:

1. In the opening paragraph, I use the vague term "give information about" because I want to write about the aspects that are common to the two graphs, that is, the time period and the subject matter. This gives coherence and cohesion to the essay by relating the two graphs to each other.

2. In the "overall" paragraph, the most important features are the rather small variation in the annual passenger numbers, and the constant performance target, which was not always achieved.

3. In the "detail" paragraph, pay attention to comparisons. Hold the image a distance from your face and focus on the "big picture", not the trivial details. In this case, there is no correlation between the two graphs, and there is only one category, so you have to compare the values over time. Group the values into smaller time spans and note the peaks and lows.


The two line graphs give information about a certain railway between 2000 and 2009. The first one plots the number of passengers served each year, and the second compares the percentage of trains that were on time with the railway's target.

Overall, the target for the performance of the system (percent on schedule) was not changed during the period. In half of the years, the system met or exceeded that goal. The passenger load did not vary much compared to the average for the period.

In detail, this railway carries between 35 and 46 million passengers, with an average year being around 40 million. There was a peak in 2005 when there were 47 million, and slightly more at the end than the beginning, 41 versus 36 million. The management had set a fixed performance target of 95% of the trains being on schedule. They were able to achieve that target in two time spans, 2002-2004 and 2008-2009. In the latter, they showed the highest level of performance at 97%. But there were two years of significant underperformance, 2000 and 2006, when it was 3% below the goal.

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