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My essay:

The pie charts present the proportion of water used in different objectives in six regions of the world.
Overall, the percentage of water used in industry made up the largest parts in North America and Europe, while significant proportions of water in Argicultural use was seen in South America, Africa, Central Asia, and Southeast Asia.
In North America, water used in the families accounted for just 13%, whereas the figure for that in Europe was 2% higher, despite these two countries have the biggest percentage of water belonging to industry. However, the proportion of water used in agriculture amounted to considerable numbers, at 39% and 32% respectively.
In both regions namely Central Asia and Southeast Asia, the percentage of domestic water used was at merely 7%, being the smallest part in the total number of the latter area. Meanwhile, the data on the proportion of water used in that purpose in South America made up nearly a fifth in the pie chart, which is 10% higher than that of Africa. In general, the percentage of industrial water use was witnessed as the least part in three regions South America, Africa, and Central Asia.

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MynameisMariaThe pie charts present the proportion of water used in different objectives in six regions of the world.

How many pie charts are there?

What are the different water uses? How many?

What are the six world regions?

Your first paragraph is very low in information content, so your essay's coherence and cohesion will not be very good.

Comments  

Thank you very much for your assessment.❣ Can you teach me how to group the information in this task, like in the first paragraph, which countries I should have,.....❤😘. I'm quite bad at conherence and cohesion😥.

And if possible, can you score this IELTS essay? I I really appreciate that🥰🤗