Hi, this is my essay for IELTS Writing Task 1. I would be grateful if I could get some feedback from teachers here. Thank you very much for reading my essay.
Topic:
The diagram below shows how honey is made in small-scale commercial production. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
My essay:
The diagram illustrates the two main stages of making honey: by bees and by humans. That total is six steps to raw honey.
In the bee phase, bees collect nectar from flowers to their living place and honey is deposited in that. Then, they use their wings to dry honey and clean their cells where honey is contained. Next to the human phase, people take the honey that is seal cells with wax from the depositing place , then they use a simple machine to gather honey combs from the cells. The last step to natural honey is using a pressing machine to separate completely natural honey and scum from combs. After collecting natural honey, the collective honey is processed by heating honey at 45 to 50 Celsius; then, transfer to a sieve tank to extract dirt. After that, honey is contained in a settling tank for 2 to 4 days and wrapped in cans for sales production. Finally, the wrapped honey is transported to a consuming place.
Humans do not make honey. Humans do not collect nectar from flowers!
They collect honeycomb from beehives, process it, and put it in jars.
Where did you find this diagram? It is terrible English! It was written by a non-native speaker who does not know much English.
Most of your writing (highlighted in yellow) is very awkward and unnatural.
The diagram illustrates the two main stages of making honey: by bees and by humans. (Very poor English)
(Make a new paragraph to report the main features) That total is six steps to raw honey. (That does not make sense. Raw honey is the output of bees. The honeycombs contain the raw honey. Jars contain processed honey. )
In the bee phase, bees collect nectar from flowers to their living place and honey is deposited in that. Then, they use their wings to dry honey and clean their cells where honey is contained. Next to the human phase, people take the honey that is seal cells with wax from the depositing place , then they use a simple machine to gather honey combs from the cells. The last step to natural honey is using a pressing machine to separate completely natural honey and scum from combs. After collecting natural honey, the collective honey is processed by heating honey at 45 to 50 Celsius; then, transfer to a sieve tank to extract dirt. After that, honey is contained in a settling tank for 2 to 4 days and wrapped in cans for sales production. Finally, the wrapped honey is transported to a consuming place.
Here is a photo of bees on a honeycomb. The comb structure is little hexagons made of beeswax. 
