Topic: Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on other important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
My essay:
Since people are living in the knowledge-based society, they concern that students should focus on the science of food and the method of preparation it or giving attention to other crucial subjects such as Maths or English. I strongly belive that the science of food and cooking is an important part of our course of life so students need to spend time on it.
On the one hand, the science of food and cooking plays an essential role in our life. There are many cases that students are overweigh and suffered many diseases as consumtion lots of unhealthy foods. Students concentrating on studying the science of food and cooking can have an insightful knowledge into food making can exert many benefits in terms of improved well-being. Take, for instance, Quang Hai, a Vietnamese famous football player, spended his free time in highschool to research about the benefits of the food which he ate to have well-physical body to play football although at first, he was not strong enough to play this sport. Thus, studying the science of food and cook not only help students avoid overweigh and suffering diseases but also help students to overcome many difficulties in life to become succeed.
On the other hand, it is also crucial to focus on other important subjects. The school curricula are already notoriously hectic. It would take students a lots of time to finish all of the homeworks so students do not have enough time to study other fields of our course of life such as Food Science or Art. But nowadays, students do not only depend on the GPA at school to but also our extracurriculum activities to get a great job. This means they can spend more time to develope themselves instead of spending time doing such homework. One of the most essential things needed to improve is the nutrian that we consume everyday. As a result, Food Science need to get attention from many students especially who need to be fit and healthy.
Because of various benefits of studying Food Science and Cooking, I think Food Science need to be added into our school curricula, helping numerous students easily control their time spending on these such subjects.
You wrote over 360 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.
First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.
Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.
Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.
Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.
Fifth, pity the examiners who have to read all the IELTS essays individually. There are hundreds of them. If they read your long essay when they are tired at the end of the day, they will score extra hard and not be very generous when scoring.
Sixth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.
Aim to write 270-300 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter:
https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/
Since people are living in the knowledge-based society, (I do not understand what this is.) they concern (wrong usage - concern is a noun, not a verb) that students should focus on the science of food and the method of preparation (wrong form - preparation is a noun) it or giving (wrong form ) attention to other crucial subjects such as Maths or English. I strongly belive that the science of food and cooking is an important part of our course of life so students need to spend time on it.
On the one hand, the science of food and cooking plays an essential role in our life. There are many cases that students are overweigh (wrong word ) and suffered many diseases as consumtion (wrong word) lots of unhealthy foods. Students concentrating on studying the science of food and cooking can have insights an insightful knowledge into food making can exert many benefits (ungrammatical sentence. You lost control of the structure) in terms of improved well-being. Take, for instance, Quang Hai, a Vietnamese famous football player, spended (wrong form ) his free time in highschool (wrong form ) to research about the benefits of the food which he ate to have well-physical (wrong word) body to play football although at first, he was not strong enough to play this sport. Thus, studying the science of food and cook (wrong form ) not only help (wrong form ) students avoid overweigh (wrong form ) and suffering diseases but also help (wrong form ) students to overcome many difficulties in life to become succeed. (wrong word)
On the other hand, it is also crucial to focus on other important subjects. The school curricula are already notoriously hectic. It would take students a lots (wrong form ) of time to finish all of the homeworks (wrong form ) so students do not have enough time to study other subjects fields of our course of life such as Food Science or Art. But nowadays, students do not only depend on the GPA at school to but also our extracurriculum (wrong spelling) activities to get a great job. This means they can spend more time to develope (wrong spelling) themselves instead of spending time doing such homework. One of the most essential things needed to improve is the nutrian (wrong word) that we consume everyday. As a result, Food Science need (wrong form) to get attention from many students especially those who need to be fit and healthy.
Because of various benefits of studying Food Science and Cooking, I think Food Science need (wrong form) to be added into our school curricula, helping numerous students easily control their time spending (wrong form) on these such (Use "these" or "such", not both) subjects.