hi, I'm taking the IELTS in 5 days, can you review my essay, grade it (IELTS ACADEMIC), and point out my mistakes or what I could have done better. I really appreciate your comments and grading. Thank you!


I attached a photo of the question in the post, if you can't see it, use this link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BQjyWpnEG5eR0yGcNQ0kW3fc7ftgkgy3/view?usp=sharing


ANSWER:

The pie charts below demonstrate the average household expenditures in 1950 and 2010 from a country. In general, there were significant changes in the percentage of each category in 2010 compared to 1950.


In 1950, the most significant expense of a household was housing, which accounted for over 70 percent. Food and education were the next two big categories that families spent on, respectively 11.2 percent and 6.6 percent. The rest of the expenditure was for education, transportation, and others, which accounted for only about 10 percent.


Surprisingly, in 2010, housing was not the leading factor for families to spend their money on. Food, which accounted for 34 percent of the expenditure, had the highest percentage in the average household expenditures. Transportation and expenses for other reasons also witnessed a rise of over 10 percent each. Meanwhile, health care and education expenditures' percentages had slight fluctuations.


Overall, how a family in this country uses their money for various reasons had changed over time.

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