Please review and feedback on my writing. I would appreciate if you can give me a band score as well.
Some think that politicians should always be honest while others feel that there are times when they must lie.
Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Controversy still surrounds whether politicians have to always strictly adhere to truthfulness or falsehood is sometimes acceptable. I am totally in agreement with the former notion as it is a prerequisite for becoming a politician.
On the one hand, some people argue that occasionally national leaders resort to lies to ease urgent situations. They claim these are white lies as politicians deliver speeches in the media evading the negative and unfavorable information to avoid disorder and chaos among the public. However, this idea may be counterproductive since the truth can never be concealed forever and tends to be exposed by many unofficial channels by virtue of the proliferation of social media. Take the Covid-19 pandemic as an example, many governments are accused of being dishonest about the death toll, which not only fails to settle down their people but also provokes public concern or even outcry. Therefore, mendacity can not be considered a sensible option when dealing with national issues.
On the other hand, politicians are required to be honest to the public as they are the representatives of the citizens and it is the optimum approach to the country’s issues. Politicians are elected by the citizens to represent and protect their rights and interests. Thus, it is these representatives’ duty to be honest with those who have voted for them. Lying proponents may contend that people should focus on the final outcomes of their leaders’ policies rather than on the truthfulness of their words. Nevertheless, once an politician eludes the truth, he tends to be reluctant to deal with complicated issues and leave it covered to safeguard his position. Only by being truthful and straightforward about the problems that a country is facing can they be comprehensively considered and tackled in the right way.
To conclude, as citizens’ delegates, national leaders should adhere to their honesty given the fact that they are entitled to ultimate decisions that affect the development and prosperity of a state.
Controversy still surrounds whether (That is not grammatical English. Ironically, it is also not a true statement. There is no controversy. Do not use memorized opening statements.) politicians have to always strictly adhere to truthfulness or falsehood (ungrammatical. You have to repeat "whether" or make the sentence correct.) is sometimes acceptable. I am totally in agreement with the former notion (Avoid former/latter. It is unnatural here.) as it is a prerequisite for becoming a politician.
In this day and age of "false news" there is a general suspicion about whether we can trust our leaders to always tell the truth. Some people believe that all politicians lie from time to time, and that is acceptable as part of the job. I do not agree with them because we have to trust what they tell us. Little lies can cause great harm.
On the one hand, some people argue that occasionally national leaders resort to lies to ease the people's fears urgent situations. They claim these are white lies as politicians deliver speeches in the media evading the negative and unfavorable information to avoid disorder and chaos among the public. However, this idea may be counterproductive since the truth can never be concealed forever and tends to be exposed by many unofficial channels by virtue of the proliferation of messages on of social media. Take the Covid-19 pandemic as an example, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) many governments are accused of being dishonest about the death toll, which not only fails to calm settle down their people but also provokes public concern or even outcry. Therefore, mendacity can not be considered a sensible option when dealing with national issues.
On the other hand, politicians are required to be honest to with the public as they are the representatives of the citizens and it is the optimum approach to the country’s issues. Politicians are elected by the citizens to represent and protect their rights and interests. Thus, it is these representatives’ duty to be honest with those who have voted for them. Lying Proponents (Lying proponents means that these proponents are not telling the truth.) of lying may contend that people should focus on the final outcomes of their leaders’ policies rather than on the truthfulness of their words. Nevertheless, once an politician eludes the truth, he tends to be reluctant to deal with complicated issues and leave it covered to safeguard his position. (I do not understand this point. The politician knows the truth, don't they? They are not being deceived. ) Only by being truthful and straightforward about the problems that a country is facing can (You have a dangling modifier here. The leaders are being truthful. The problems do not tell lies, do they? ) the leaders tackle them they be comprehensively considered and tackled in the right way.
To conclude, as citizens’ delegates, national leaders should adhere to their honesty given the fact that they are entitled to ultimate decisions that affect the development and prosperity of a state.
Thank you so much. What should I do to improve this essay? Can you give it a band score?
chanhleooWhat should I do to improve this essay?
Good points:
1. Good usage of vocabulary. A few relatively minor mistakes with usage as noted. High component score for Lexical Resource
2. Good coherence and cohesion. Also a high score.
3. Some issues with Grammatical Range and Accuracy, specifically the comma splice error, and a dangling modifier as noted. https://chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm
You will get some good scores for those components.
Things to improve:
The weakest score is "Task Response."
Do not use "memorized" responses. Your arguments are rather weak and not supported well. This is mainly a problem with the task. I have not seen a task with this kind of subject before. Are you using a legitimate source for your practice essays?
I found this task on an IELTS blog and I wanted to challenge myself with uncommon topics so I gave it a try.
I will try harder with my next writings according to your comments. Thanks again