Hello teachers and friends! This is my latest attempt for Writing Task1, please review it and point out the mistakes. Thank you so much, hope you have a good day.

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Panama City from 2010 to 2019.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

TASK

The graph compares three kinds of crime in Panama City in terms of number of incidents caused between 2010 and 2019.

Overall, the greatest change occurred in the crime of burglary, which contributed to the decrease in the total number over the 9-year period.

In detail, in 2010, about 7000 cases of incidents were reported to happen on the whole, which dropped to about 5000 in 2019. In 2010, the majority, nearly 50% (almost 3500 cases) was due to burglary, and its peak year was one year later with about 3700 cases. However, the number of burglary began declining significantly and fall to its lowest point at 1000 cases in 2015. After a slight recovery in 2016, the figure hardly changed and stood at around 1400 till 2019. In 2010, car theft accounted for almost 2800 cases of incidents, which was 40% in total. It shared the same downtrend with burglary and reached its bottom which just over 2000 cases in 2013. Despite that, 2014 marked the years when car theft took the first place of burglary, since then it had increased substantially and regained the number of around 2800 in 2019. Over the period, the figure of robbery was flat, about 700 in both 2010 and 2019.

The graph compares three kinds of crime in Panama City in terms of the number of incidents caused between 2010 and 2019.

Overall, the greatest change occurred there was a marked decline in the crime number of burglaries, but not in the other two categories of crime. [ 1] which contributed to the decrease in the total number over the 9-year period.

[ 2] In detail, In 2010, about [ 3] 7,000 cases of [ 4] incidents were reported to happen on the whole, which dropped to about 5,000 in 2019. [ 5]

In 2010, [ 6] the majority, nearly 50% (almost 3,500 cases) of all crimes was were due to burglary,

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[ 1]: That is not given. We don’t know how many other crimes (e.g. rape, murder, etc) were committed.

[ 2]: Avoid fillers like “in detail”.

[ 3]: Use a comma as the thousands separator. It makes numbers easier to read.

[ 4]: cases = incidents. Use either one, but not both together like that.

[ 5]: There is actually no need for that line at all. I would omit it if I were you.

[ 6]: 50% is not a majority.

I think you should reorganize the rest of your text, and write three separate small paragraphs. You have good ideas there, but you just need to write them in sentences that are more concise and direct. Also, do not use “recovery” in this context, because “recovery” has positive connotations, so it is not suitable to describe the crime rate. Use “rise” instead. Revise and post below.

I have a question to ask you.

In IELTS Task 1, I can decide which structure is more suitable. I am hesitating between 3-paragraph essay ( with 1 body) and 4-paragraph essay ( with 2 bodies). And if I choose 4-paragraph essay, what should I write in each body paragraph?
Thank you!

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

Sorry, i mistyped I meant I can not decide which structure is more to be a good choice.

Quốc Nguyễn Tấn AnhSorry, I mistyped that. I meant I can not decide which structure is more to be a good the better choice.

You have three lines in that graph, so just write one small paragraph for each line. Post below.