+0
Dear all,
I'm writing a Motivation Letter for a Master degree and I would really like you to help me, I know this forum is very useful, even with not English native speakers.
Thank you in advance,

Dear Sir or Madam:
I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to the Master of Eng. In Automation & IT at the Cologne University of Applied Science for the 2011 winter term.

My name is Lina Marcela Tabares Herrera, and I am living in Colombia at the time. My graduation date in Electronic and Telecommunications Engineering from the Autonoma de Occidente University (Universidad Autonoma de Occidente - Cali, Colombia) is planned for May 7 of 2011. My college studies had duration of 5 years where I learned the fundamentals basis in design, programming, instrumentation, economics, management, control, automation, and finally telecommunications, which were the emphasis of my training.

Although my graduation is still a period ahead, I finished all my subjects last year in the first semester of 2010, with a GPA of 4.2 out of 5 (being 5 the highest grade), my grades allowed me to obtain university scholarships (3 semesters). I also was an active student during my period in college, being a board member of the student committee, president of the student body of my program, which I helped to found, and which helped me being involved in many events and organization. This kind of behavior on my part was not only in the college period, but also in my high school years, earning several honor mentions, and being chosen as the best in my class in my senior year.

My college thesis project "MONITORING SYSTEM FOR MOTOR VEHICLE FOR THE ACS GROUP COMPANY" was an internship in the ACS Group Company. The software developed was to provide a service through which could be obtain information about vehicles in a database. I developed the monitoring software, which involved both, desktop and a web application. The Desktop application was use to communicate a PC, with a GSM modem trough RS-232 serial interface. The web application was developed to obtain data anywhere (through internet), from the vehicles. The communication was: Vehicles-Modem GSM-PC, in both ways, and for that it was used SMS messaging. The web application development included, JSP, struts, hibernate, and MySQL, to obtain system based on the MVC model.

Since I finished my college, I've been working in a family business called BASEP LTDA. dedicated to offer maintenance service in electronic devices and also solutions in automation systems. Working during this last year has been a very important experience for me, because I have learned what it means to be in a workplace, meet with a work schedule, work under pressure, put into practice the theoretical concepts learned throughout my career, put into practice teamwork, and collaborate with others to integrate ideas and develop successful projects.
Another matter I think is important is the use of languages, and every since I was a little girl I liked English, and years later I realized it was a global language, and more than a hobby, it is a necessity today. That's why every day I practiced it, and I can say it's a language I learned on my own, having never attended to a institute of language to learn it. With the above, and the support of my family, now I have the opportunity to study abroad, and Germany seems to me the ideal place, a country with extensive experience in engineering, where in addition to learning about technical knowledge, I can have the opportunity to experience another culture and another language (The German), besides English, and Spanish (my native language).

My main motivation in choosing this Masters program is that combines two major industrial areas, so it suits the current technological changes and therefore is very innovative and interdisciplinary course. With my previous knowledge and experience, I am confident to have the necessary requirements to enter this program.

My goal in obtaining a Masters Degree is to help my family company to go on international levels, and be world leader in its area. This Degree will be very helpful, not only for being a Master Degree, but for being an international recognized program.
I hope this application will receive your favorable consideration and I will be happy to meet you at your convenience and provide additional information you may need. You can reach me by phone on [---------], cell phone (---------) or by e-mail on [-----------].
Expecting a positive response from you, and therefore to have the great opportunity to make my Master's degree in a prestigious university, such as Cologne University of Applied Science.
Thank you for your time and consideration,

Lina Marcela Tabares
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Lina,

Your letter is long, complicated and wordy. You need to see if you can shorten and focus it.

Take your time, read my comments, and then redo your letter.

MH

Admissions Office
Cologne University of Applied Sciences
Germany

Dear Sir or Madam:

I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to the Master of Engineering in Automation & IT for the 2011 winter term.

I would like to apply to your Master of Engineering in Automation & IT for the 2011 winter term.

I am an undergraduate student and I am living in Colombia at the time. My graduation date in Electronic and Telecommunications Engineering from the Autonoma de Occidente University (---) is planned for May 7 seven of 2011. My college studies had duration of 5 five years where I learned the fundamentals basis in electronics, with emphasis on and the emphases of my training were telecommunications and automation.

My main interest in choosing this master program is that I find it innovative and interdisciplinary, because it integrates two major areas in industry into a single program, which are automation and information technologies, making clear is a program in forefront of today’s needs and developments. With my previous knowledge and experience, I am confident to have the necessary requirements to enter this program.

Wordy and vague. I am still not sure why you are applying. Why not say precisely why you are applying. Something like, "I want to acquire x skills so that I can return to Colombia where I can help grow my family's business. At present, our Company XYZ does this and that. To be more effective and help grow the business, I want to do this and that."

I would also have this above you school stuff. Then you can have all your school paragraphs run contiguously.

Although my graduation is still a period ahead, I finished all my subjects last year in the first semester of 2010, with a GPA of 4.2 out of 5 (being 5 the highest grade), my grades allowed me to obtain university scholarships (three semesters). My good academic performance is due to the fact that I love the career I studied, especially the areas where more than technical, design was essential, such as design of automation systems using microcontrollers, or software design in programming.

You need to watch long and run-on sentences. Please use Microsoft Word with the spell and grammar checker turned on. Break long sentences down to bite-sized portions.

I also was an active student during my period in college, being a board member of the student committee, and president of the student body of my program, which I helped to found, and which helped me being involved in many events and organization. This kind of behavior on my part was not only in the college period, but also in my high school years, earning several honor mentions, and being chosen as the best in my class in my senior year.

How about something like... (this is rough below...try to improve it.)

I have always enjoyed being involved in leadership roles. In high school, I did this and that. And in university, I was a board member of the student committee and president of the student body of my program, which I helped create/found (choose one). Through these experiences, I learned to manage my time effectively and improved my leadership and decision making skills.

My college thesis project “MONITORING SYSTEM FOR MOTOR VEHICLE FOR THE ACS GROUP COMPANY” was an internship in the ACS Group Company. The software developed was to provide a service through which could be obtain information about vehicles stored in a database through SMS messaging. This internship allowed me to develop a more ambitious project than I did during my career, because it required more attention, development time and advanced knowledge that I had to learn through research. To develop it within a company I began to know what a work environment was.

You talk about your purpose, school academics (gpa and stuff), then extracurricular stuff, and now you are back into discussing coursework adn projects. Organize your stuff so that everything flows together. And, please, don't put everything in CAPS. It seems like you are shouting at your reader.

Since I finished my college, I’ve been working in a family business called BASEP LTDA. dedicated to offer maintenance service in electronic devices and also solutions in automation systems. Working during this last year has been a very important experience for me, because I have learned what it really means to be in a workplace, meet with a work schedule, work under pressure, put into practice the theoretical concepts learned throughout my career, put into practice teamwork, and collaborate with others to integrate ideas and develop successful projects.

On several occasions my immediate boss has left me in charge of the company, since she must go on errands frequently. For me, this is very important because at that time I had to make decisions, delegate tasks and to meet various needs that the company has at the same time. For example decide which way we proceed to perform a particular maintenance for a major client, while managing the receipt of imported merchandise. In these cases I had to decide which the most urgent task is and make quick decisions.

Another matter I think is important is the use of languages, and every since I was a little girl I liked English, and years later I realized that more than a hobby, it is a necessity today. That's why every day I practiced it, and I can say it's a language I learned on my own, having never attended to a institute of language to learn it.

With the above, and the support of my family, now I have the opportunity to study abroad, and Germany seems to me the ideal place, a country with extensive experience in engineering, where in addition to learning about technical knowledge, I can have the opportunity to experience another culture and another language (the German), besides English, and Spanish (my native language).

That is a long, complicated sentence. Please shorten.

Obtaining this master degree, along with cultural knowledge that leads study abroad; would allow me to strengthen my professional skills, which I would undertake to improve the activities of the company where I work. I think studying in Cologne University of Applied Sciences will be an excellent platform for my future career.

Please feel free to contact me regarding any questions or concerns you might have. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance, I will do my best to exceed your expectations.

Thank you for your time and consideration,


I stopped reviewing your letter much earlier. You need to do more work. I don't want to do everything for you. Please use Microsoft Word for spelling and grammar checking. Try to reduce the length of your letter by about one third. Break up long sentences. Try to focus on the key messages. Stay away from small petty stuff like your boss is away on too many errands. The reader doesn't need to know and doesn't care. Also, stay away from contractions. That is, please write "I am" rather than "I'm".
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Comments  
I am going to provide some quick comments. Overall, you have lots of content to work with and you have a strong background. However, you need to streamline your letter.

Dear Sir or Madam:

I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to the Master of Eng. In Automation & IT at the Cologne University of Applied Science for the 2011 winter term.

While polite, it is too long and wordy. Wherever possible, say as much as possible in as few words as possible.

My name is Lina Marcela Tabares Herrera, and I am living in Colombia at the time. My graduation date in Electronic and Telecommunications Engineering from the Autonoma de Occidente University (Universidad Autonoma de Occidente - Cali, Colombia) is planned for May 7 of 2011. My college studies had duration of 5 years where I learned the fundamentals basis in design, programming, instrumentation, economics, management, control, automation, and finally telecommunications, which were the emphasis of my training.

You don't need to provide your name. You will sign your name at the bottom of your letter. Also, all numbers less than ten should be written out. And, you need only provide your degree. There's no need to describe the "basic fundamentals" as they will know that. Because you want to use a few words as possible, don't state the obvious.

Although my graduation is still a period ahead, I finished all my subjects last year in the first semester of 2010, with a GPA of 4.2 out of 5 (being 5 the highest grade), my grades allowed me to obtain university scholarships (3 semesters). I also was an active student during my period in college, being a board member of the student committee, president of the student body of my program, which I helped to found, and which helped me being involved in many events and organization. This kind of behavior on my part was not only in the college period, but also in my high school years, earning several honor mentions, and being chosen as the best in my class in my senior year.

Same number comments. Here you mix academic performance with extracurricular stuff. Separate them. Discuss your peformance and favorite courses or passions. And then separately, discuss that you are a well rounded person.

My college thesis project "MONITORING SYSTEM FOR MOTOR VEHICLE FOR THE ACS GROUP COMPANY" was an internship in the ACS Group Company. The software developed was to provide a service through which could be obtain information about vehicles in a database. I developed the monitoring software, which involved both, desktop and a web application. The Desktop application was use to communicate a PC, with a GSM modem trough RS-232 serial interface. The web application was developed to obtain data anywhere (through internet), from the vehicles. The communication was: Vehicles-Modem GSM-PC, in both ways, and for that it was used SMS messaging. The web application development included, JSP, struts, hibernate, and MySQL, to obtain system based on the MVC model.

This letter is an executive summary of why they should admit you to the program. Thus, you need to eliminate the granular detail. Stay at a high level. In all honesty, they will assume you know this stuff or, if you don't know, you can pick it up quickly. What you want to impress upon them is your ability to learn and apply stuff.

Since I finished my college, I've been working in a family business called BASEP LTDA. dedicated to offer maintenance service in electronic devices and also solutions in automation systems. Working during this last year has been a very important experience for me, because I have learned what it means to be in a workplace, meet with a work schedule, work under pressure, put into practice the theoretical concepts learned throughout my career, put into practice teamwork, and collaborate with others to integrate ideas and develop successful projects.

Lots of general feel good comments, but they lack substance. If you say you can work under pressure, show me. Put theoretical concepts into reality, show me. Teamwork? Show me. Ideally, you can discuss a project a high level where you cover all the above topics. In other words, tell me an example of where you demonstrated grace under pressure while working with others to implement a novel solution. They say actions speak louder than words.

Another matter I think is important is the use of languages, and every since I was a little girl I liked English, and years later I realized it was a global language, and more than a hobby, it is a necessity today. That's why every day I practiced it, and I can say it's a language I learned on my own, having never attended to a institute of language to learn it. With the above, and the support of my family, now I have the opportunity to study abroad, and Germany seems to me the ideal place, a country with extensive experience in engineering, where in addition to learning about technical knowledge, I can have the opportunity to experience another culture and another language (The German), besides English, and Spanish (my native language).

You're mixing stuff here. You discuss your ability to learn languages, which is good. And then you veer off to Germany's extensive engineering prowess. Pick a topic and then stick with it. Also, I don't know if this program is in German, but if it is, then that's the language I would emphasize and I wouldn't highlight that English is the global language.

My main motivation in choosing this Masters program is that combines two major industrial areas, so it suits the current technological changes and therefore is very innovative and interdisciplinary course. With my previous knowledge and experience, I am confident to have the necessary requirements to enter this program.

I have no idea what that paragraph above means. And I am a mechanical engineer, among other things. If I gave that paragraph to others who do not know you, could they tell me in simple words what you mean? Your motivation should be near the top of the letter.

My goal in obtaining a Masters Degree is to help my family company to go on international levels, and be world leader in its area. This Degree will be very helpful, not only for being a Master Degree, but for being an international recognized program.

Again, I am confused. I am unable to link a degree from a recognized institution to helping a company become global. It isn't the degree or the institution. Instead, it's the knowledge. It's the know-how. You need to explain this stuff better.

I hope this application will receive your favorable consideration and I will be happy to meet you at your convenience and provide additional information you may need. You can reach me by phone on [--], cell phone (--) or by e-mail on [--].

Expecting a positive response from you, and therefore to have the great opportunity to make my Master's degree in a prestigious university, such as Cologne University of Applied Science.
Thank you for your time and consideration,

You can combine these two paragraphs as follows:

Please feel free to contact me regarding any questions or concerns you might have. Thank you for reviewing my application,and I look forward to your acceptance.

Lina Marcela Tabares

I am going to provide my standard response. What you should do is look at what a student began with and what the student finished with. Look at how the letters evolved over time and effort.

You've got lots of good material to work with. You just need some better organization.

Please ensure that you have spaces between your paragraphs. Otherwise it is too hard to read. My guess is that you pasted your letter into the text box. After you pasted your letter, the spaces were removed. To solve this issue, please do the following:

1) When you begin a new post, type "blah" into an open text box.

2) Then paste your letter.

3) Go back and delete "blah."

Here are some posts you should review. These posts will give you some ideas on the structure of your letter.

http://www.EnglishForward.com/content/lessons/motivation-letters-part-i.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/SampleLetterMotivationApplication-LetterUniversity/xpzpl/po...

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetterUniversityAbhinav-Gaur13/xqjzg/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/prrwb/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetter/xqdwq/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/ARevisedMotivationLetter/pzhgh/post.htm

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/MotivationLetterForAPhD/2/phqcm/Post.htm
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Hello...

Thank you so much for looking into my letter, it has been so good to know all of this thing. I am putting here again the letter, could you please look it again and tell me what you think?

April 11th, 2011

Admissions Office
Cologne University of Applied Sciences
Germany

Dear Sir or Madam:

I appreciate this opportunity to provide further background information in support of my application for entrance to the Master of Engineering in Automation & IT for the 2011 winter term.

I am an undergraduate student and I am living in Colombia at the time. My graduation date in Electronic and Telecommunications Engineering from the Autonoma de Occidente University (- ------) is planned for May seven of 2011. My college studies had duration of 5 years where I learned the fundamentals basis in electronics, and the emphases of my training were telecommunications and automation.

My main interest in choosing this master program is that I find it innovative and interdisciplinary, because it integrates two major areas in industry into a single program, which are automation and information technologies, making clear is a program in forefront of today’s needs and developments. With my previous knowledge and experience, I am confident to have the necessary requirements to enter this program.

Although my graduation is still a period ahead, I finished all my subjects last year in the first semester of 2010, with a GPA of 4.2 out of 5 (being 5 the highest grade), my grades allowed me to obtain university scholarships (three semesters). My good academic performance is due to the fact that I love the career I studied, especially the areas where more than technical, design was essential, such as design of automation systems using microcontrollers, or software design in programming.

I also was an active student during my period in college, being a board member of the student committee, and president of the student body of my program, which I helped to found, and which helped me being involved in many events and organization. This kind of behavior on my part was not only in the college period, but also in my high school years, earning several honor mentions, and being chosen as the best in my class in my senior year.

My college thesis project “MONITORING SYSTEM FOR MOTOR VEHICLE FOR THE ACS GROUP COMPANY” was an internship in the ACS Group Company. The software developed was to provide a service through which could be obtain information about vehicles stored in a database through SMS messaging. This internship allowed me to develop a more ambitious project than I did during my career, because it required more attention, development time and advanced knowledge that I had to learn through research. To develop it within a company I began to know what a work environment was.

Since I finished my college, I’ve been working in a family business called BASEP LTDA. dedicated to offer maintenance service in electronic devices and also solutions in automation systems. Working during this last year has been a very important experience for me, because I have learned what it really means to be in a workplace, meet with a work schedule, work under pressure, put into practice the theoretical concepts learned throughout my career, put into practice teamwork, and collaborate with others to integrate ideas and develop successful projects.

On several occasions my immediate boss has left me in charge of the company, since she must go on errands frequently. For me, this is very important because at that time I had to make decisions, delegate tasks and to meet various needs that the company has at the same time. For example decide which way we proceed to perform a particular maintenance for a major client, while managing the receipt of imported merchandise. In these cases I had to decide which the most urgent task is and make quick decisions.

Another matter I think is important is the use of languages, and every since I was a little girl I liked English, and years later I realized that more than a hobby, it is a necessity today. That's why every day I practiced it, and I can say it's a language I learned on my own, having never attended to a institute of language to learn it.

With the above, and the support of my family, now I have the opportunity to study abroad, and Germany seems to me the ideal place, a country with extensive experience in engineering, where in addition to learning about technical knowledge, I can have the opportunity to experience another culture and another language (the German), besides English, and Spanish (my native language).

Obtaining this master degree, along with cultural knowledge that leads study abroad; would allow me to strengthen my professional skills, which I would undertake to improve the activities of the company where I work. I think studying in Cologne University of Applied Sciences will be an excellent platform for my future career.

Please feel free to contact me regarding any questions or concerns you might have. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance, I will do my best to exceed your expectations.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Lina Marcela Tabares

address (-----------------)

Tel: (------------------)

Cell pone: (------------------)

Mail: Email Removed">-----------------------

Cali, Colombia
 MountainHiker's reply was promoted to an answer.
Hello...I feel terribly sorry, I guess I want to put more information that I have to, it is just sometimes I think it is not enough. I am very grateful for your help. Here I send you the letter again

April 11th, 2011

Admissions Office
Cologne University of Applied Sciences
Germany

Dear Sir or Madam:

I would like to apply to your Master of Engineering in Automation & IT for the 2011 winter term.

My main interest in choosing this master program is that I find it innovative and interdisciplinary and with my previous knowledge and experience, I am confident to have the necessary requirements to enter this program and add diversity to it. Obtaining this master degree, along with cultural knowledge that leads study abroad would allow me to strengthen my professional skills, which I would undertake to improve the activities of the company where I work.

I am an undergraduate student living in Colombia. My graduation date in Electronic and Telecommunications Engineering from the Autonoma de Occidente University (---------) is planned for May 7 of 2011. My college studies had duration of five years where I learned the fundamentals basis in electronics, with emphasis on telecommunications and automation.

My college thesis project “monitoring system for motor vehicle for the ACS group company” was an internship. The software developed was to provide a service through which could be obtain information about vehicles stored in a database through SMS messaging. This internship allowed me to develop a more ambitious project than I did during my career, because it required more attention, development time and advanced knowledge that I had to learn through research.

Although my graduation is still a period ahead, I finished all my subjects last year in the first semester of 2010, with a GPA of 4.2 out of 5, my grades allowed me to obtain university scholarships (three semesters). My good academic performance is due to the fact that I love the career I studied, and especially enjoyed subjects where design was more important than practical knowledge, such as design of automation systems using microcontrollers, or software design in programming.

I have always enjoyed being involved in leadership roles. In high school I got several honor mentions, and I was the best in my class in senior year. In university, I was a board member of the student committee and president of the student body of my program, which I helped found. Through these experiences, I learned to manage my time effectively and improved my leadership and decision making skills.

Since I finished my college, I have been working in a family business called BASEP LTDA. dedicated to offer maintenance service in electronic devices and also solutions in automation systems. Working during this last year has been a very important experience for me; on several occasions my immediate boss has left me in charge of the company, where I had to make decisions, delegate tasks and meet various needs that the company has at the same time. For example decide which way we proceed to perform a particular maintenance for a major client, while managing the receipt of imported merchandise. In these cases I had to decide which the most urgent task is and make quick decisions.

I think the use of languages is important, and every since I was a little girl I liked English, and that is why every day I practiced it, I can also say it is a language I learned on my own, having never attended to a institute of language to learn it.

With the above, and the support of my family, now I have the opportunity to study abroad, and Germany seems to me the ideal place, a country with extensive experience in engineering, where in addition to learning about technical knowledge, I can have the opportunity to experience another culture and another language, besides English and Spanish.

In conclusion, studying in Cologne University of Applied Sciences will be an excellent platform for my future career, and I will do my best to exceed your expectations.

Please feel free to contact me regarding any questions or concerns you might have. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance,

Lina Marcela Tabares

(---------)

Tel: (---------)

Cell phone: (---------)

Mail: (---------)

Cali, Colombia
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Lina, did you use Microsoft Word spelling and grammar checker?

My main interest in choosing this master program is that I find it innovative and interdisciplinary and with my previous knowledge and experience, I am confident to have the necessary requirements to enter this program and add diversity to it.

That's a run-on sentence?

Sentence 1: My main interest in choosing this master program is that I find it innovative and interdisciplinary and with my previous knowledge and experience.

Sentence 2: I am confident that I have the necessary requirements to enter this program and add diversity to it.

You can't join two sentences with just a comma.

Are you able to check your own document for spelling and grammar?
Yes I did and it did not showed me anything, I have just changed some options and run it again.
Well, there were a few things I changed, sorry to bother you, but you have help me so much this far. here goes again.

April 11th, 2011

Admissions Office
Cologne University of Applied Sciences
Germany

Dear Sir or Madam:

I would like to apply to your Master of Engineering in Automation & IT for the 2011 winter term.

My main interest in choosing this master program is that I find it innovative and interdisciplinary. With my previous knowledge and experience, I am confident to have the necessary requirements to enter this program and add diversity to it. Obtaining this master degree, along with cultural knowledge that leads study abroad, would allow me to strengthen my professional skills, which I would undertake to improve the activities of the company where I work.

I am an undergraduate student living in Colombia. The graduation date in Electronic and Telecommunications Engineering from the Autonoma de Occidente University (- --------) is planned for May 7 of 2011. My college studies had duration of five years, where I learned the fundamentals basis in electronics, with emphasis on telecommunications and automation.

My college thesis project “monitoring system for motor vehicle for the ACS group company” was an internship. I developed a software to provide a service, where information about vehicles stored in a database could be obtained through SMS messaging. This internship allowed me to develop a more ambitious project than I did during my career, because it required more attention, development time and advanced knowledge that I had to learn through research.

Although my graduation is, still a period ahead, I finished all my subjects last year in the first semester of 2010, with a GPA of 4.2 out of 5, my grades allowed me to obtain university scholarships (three semesters). My good academic performance is because I love the career I studied, and especially enjoyed subjects where design was more important than practical knowledge, such as design of automation systems using microcontrollers, or software design in programming.

I have always enjoyed being involved in leadership roles. In high school, I got several honor mentions, and I was the best in my class in senior year. In university, I was a board member of the student committee and president of the student body of my program, which I helped found. Through these experiences, I learned to manage my time effectively and improved my leadership and decision making skills.

Since I finished my college, I have been working in a family business called BASEP LTDA. dedicated to offer maintenance service in electronic devices and solutions in automation systems. Working during this last year has been a very important experience for me; on several occasions my immediate boss has left me in charge of the company, where I had to make decisions, delegate tasks and meet various needs that the company has at the same time. For example, decide which way we proceed to perform a particular maintenance for a major client, while managing the receipt of imported merchandise. In these cases, I had to decide which the most urgent task is and make quick decisions.

I think the use of languages is important, and every since I was a little girl I liked English, and that is why every day I practiced it, I can also say it is a language I learned on my own, having never attended to a institute of language to learn it.

With the above, and the support of my family, now I have the opportunity to study abroad, and Germany seems to me the ideal place, a country with extensive experience in engineering, where in addition to learning about technical knowledge, I can have the opportunity to experience another culture and another language, besides English and Spanish.

In conclusion, studying in Cologne University of Applied Sciences will be an excellent platform for my future career, and I will do my best to exceed your expectations.

Please feel free to contact me regarding any questions or concerns you might have. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance,

Lina Marcela Tabares
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Lina, no need to keep apologizing. I just want you to take your time and provide your best efforts.

Admissions Office
Cologne University of Applied Sciences
Germany

Dear Sir or Madam:

I would like to apply to your Master of Engineering in Automation & IT programEmotion: it wasnt me for the 2011 winter term.

My main interest in choosing this master program is that I find it innovative and interdisciplinary. (Obvious, no?) With my previous knowledge and experience, I am confident to have the necessary requirements to enter this program and add diversity to it. (If you weren't confident, you wouldn't apply?) Obtaining this master degree, along with cultural knowledge that leads study abroad, would allow me to strengthen my professional skills, which I would undertake to improve the activities of the company where I work. (What does this last sentence mean? What cultural knowledge? How will it help you in your job? Where do you work? What do you want to accomplish?)

Tell me in very simple words what you are hoping to accomplish by obtaining this degree? What do you want to do with your new knowledge at work that you can't do now?

I am an undergraduate student living in Colombia. The graduation date in Electronic and Telecommunications Engineering from the Autonoma de Occidente University (---) is planned for May 7 of 2011. My college studies had duration of five years, where I learned the fundamentals basis in electronics, with emphasis on telecommunications and automation.

My college thesis project “monitoring system for motor vehicle for the ACS group company” was an internship. I developed a software to provide a service, where information about vehicles stored in a database could be obtained through SMS messaging. This internship allowed me to develop a more ambitious project than I did during my career, because it required more attention, development time and advanced knowledge that I had to learn through research.

Although my graduation is, still a period ahead, I finished all my subjects last year in the first semester of 2010, with a GPA of 4.2 out of 5, my grades allowed me to obtain university scholarships (three semesters). My good academic performance is because I love the career I studied, and especially enjoyed subjects where design was more important than practical knowledge, such as design of automation systems using microcontrollers, or software design in programming.

I have always enjoyed being involved in leadership roles. In high school, I got several honor mentions, and I was the best in my class in senior year. In university, I was a board member of the student committee and president of the student body of my program, which I helped found. Through these experiences, I learned to manage my time effectively and improved my leadership and decision making skills.

Since I finished my college, I have been working in a family business called BASEP LTDA. dedicated to offer maintenance service in electronic devices and solutions in automation systems. Working during this last year has been a very important experience for me; on several occasions my immediate boss has left me in charge of the company, where I had to make decisions, delegate tasks and meet various needs that the company has at the same time. For example, decide which way we proceed to perform a particular maintenance for a major client, while managing the receipt of imported merchandise. In these cases, I had to decide which the most urgent task is and make quick decisions.

I think the use of languages is important, and every since I was a little girl I liked English, and that is why every day I practiced it, I can also say it is a language I learned on my own, having never attended to a institute of language to learn it.

With the above, and the support of my family, now I have the opportunity to study abroad, and Germany seems to me the ideal place, a country with extensive experience in engineering, where in addition to learning about technical knowledge, I can have the opportunity to experience another culture and another language, besides English and Spanish.

In conclusion, studying in Cologne University of Applied Sciences will be an excellent platform for my future career, and I will do my best to exceed your expectations.

Please feel free to contact me regarding any questions or concerns you might have. Thank you for reviewing my application, and I look forward to your acceptance,
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