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Please review my essay.


Growing up in Poverty

Poverty or a state where there is no money to possess basic necessities in life can affect people throughout their lifetime. Most serious effects of poverty are poor health, high risk of teen pregnancy, and lack of educational opportunities. According Catherine Cubbin, Associate Dean for Research, University of Texas, poor children when compared to those not growing up in poverty are more likely to have worse physical and mental health, to die earlier, to experience more disability and to be socially and economically disadvantaged in adulthood.

Children growing up in poverty do not have access to adequate medical coverage—they lack health insurance or money for proper immunizations and check-ups. The food they take is generally neither adequate nor nutritious. This seriously affects their physical and mental health in adulthood. Research demonstrates that poor nutrition can result in obesity and that there is two-way correlation between depression and obesity. Thus, as poor nutrition affects the overall health of the poverty-stricken children, they remain weak even as adults. This severely affects their employment opportunities and makes them susceptible to life-threatening diseases.

Children raised in poor families have low levels of educational attainment. The main reason for this is the parents’ earnings are barely enough to fulfil their basic needs such as food and housing. Lack of transport facilities to school is another problem these children face. Also, family’s frequent moves owing to unstable occupation result in children dropping out of school. Studies conducted by Katherine Magnuson and Elizabeth Votruba-Drzal demonstrated that poor children are one-third less likely to complete high school when compared to their peers from affluent families. Furthermore, frustration arising from inability to attend school coupled with desperation to support the family force some of them to thievery. Data on crime around the world demonstrate that most of the juveniles guilty of petty crimes lack formal education and are from poor families.

Poverty is one of the leading causes of teen pregnancy. To give themselves some relief from family responsibilities, parents give off their daughters in marriage early. In some cases, the teenage girls flee their families and marry. This, however, makes their plight even more difficult as they become pregnant soon. Researchers Diandra Prescol and Andrew Daire report that teenage girls growing up in poor conditions lack access to sex education classes and birth control measures. Thus, even before their peers from affluent families finish high school, these girls have babies to take care of. Additionally, without adequate education, they are not able to secure decent jobs. Thus, even as adults, they continue to live in poverty.

In conclusion, it is evident that the children growing up in poverty face severe hardships. The most unfortunate thing is some of them can continue and last till the end of their lives. Government and social welfare organisations can help them receive quality education. That will enable them to provide themselves and their families much better quality of life.

Growing up in Poverty

Poverty or a state where there is no money to purchase / buy / obtain the possess basic necessities of in life can will affect people throughout their lifetime. The most serious effects of poverty are poor health, high risk of teenage pregnancy, and dropping out of school early, and juvenile delinquency. lack of educational opportunities. According Catherine Cubbin, Associate Dean for Research, University of Texas, poor children when compared to those not growing up in poverty are more likely to have worse physical and mental health, to die earlier, to experience more disability and to be socially and economically disadvantaged in adulthood as compared to those who were raised in a middle-class family.

Children growing up in poverty do not have access to adequate medical coverage—they lack health insurance or money for proper recommended immunizations and check-ups. The food they have take is generally neither adequate nor nutritious. This seriously affects their physical and mental health in adulthood. Research has proven demonstrates that poor nutrition leads to can result in obesity and that there is two-way a positive correlation between depression and obesity. Thus, as poor nutrition affects the overall health of the poverty-stricken children, they remain unhealthy weak even as adults. This, combined with a lack of basic skills, severely affects their employment opportunities and makes them susceptible to life-threatening diseases.

Children raised in poor families have low levels of educational attainment. The main reason for this is the parents’ earnings are barely enough to fulfil their basic needs such as food and housing. Lack of transportation facilities to school is another problem these children face. Also, family’s frequent moves owing to unstable occupation result in children dropping out of school. Studies conducted by Katherine Magnuson and Elizabeth Votruba-Drzal demonstrated that poor children are one-third less likely to complete high school when compared to their peers from affluent families. Furthermore, frustration arising from inability to attend school coupled with desperation to support the family force some of them to crime. thievery. Data on crime around the world demonstrate that most of the juveniles guilty of petty theft and shoplifting crimes lack formal education and are from poor families.

Poverty is highly correlated with one of the leading causes of teen pregnancy. To give themselves some relief from family responsibilities, parents in developing or underdeveloped countries arrange marriages for give off their daughters right after puberty. in marriage early. In some cases, the teenage girls flee their families and marry. This, however, makes their plight even more difficult as they soon become pregnant soon. Researchers Diandra Prescol and Andrew Daire report that teenage girls growing up in poor conditions lack access to sex education classes and birth control measures. Thus, even before their peers from affluent families finish high school, these girls have babies to take care of. Additionally, without adequate education, they are not able to secure decent jobs. Thus, even as adults, they continue to live in poverty.

In conclusion, (Do not add any new points in the concluding paragraph. The last paragraph should restate the thesis and the main points in the body paragraphs.) it is evident that the children growing up in poverty face severe hardships. The most unfortunate thing is that this condition will persist some of them can continue and last till the end of their lives. Their children will also be brought up in poverty, creating an unbreakable cycle. Government and social welfare organisations can help them receive quality education. That will enable them to provide themselves and their families much better quality of life.

Thank you very much. AlpheccaStars.

I have gone through the corrections. I have understood the mistakes.

Suresh

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Please give your views.

AlpheccaStarsas compared to those who were raised in a middle-class family.

It is about "those" and "in a middle-class family"

I was thinking of the consistency—since it is "those" can we use middle-class families"?


2.

AlpheccaStarsit is evident that the children growing up in poverty face severe hardships.

Here, you have removed ""it is evident" as it is new information.

I used "evident" particularly based on the evidence from research the essay contains.

Could you help me on how it is perceived as new information?

vsureshIt is about "those" and "in a middle-class family"

"A middle-class family" is not a specific family. It is the general concept of being raised in the middle-class. The plural form is not wrong, but then it refers to specific families rather than the general idea.

vsureshHere, you have removed ""it is evident" as it is new information.

No. I removed it because it substantially weakens your statement.
"it is evident that" immediately evokes a question (Really?) in the skeptical reader's mind.

"Children growing up in poverty face severe hardships. " is a forceful, powerful and dynamic statement. It does not illicit a question.

vsuresh it is new information.

Here are the points in your three body paragraphs:

1. Children growing up in poverty grow up to be unhealthy adults.

2. Children raised in poor families have low levels of education.

3. Girls raised in poverty get pregnant as teenagers and have large families when they are young, perpetuating the cycle of poverty.

Here are the points in your conclusion:

1. Children growing up in poverty face severe hardships. (This is a good conclusion; it summarizes the three body paragraph points.)

2. Government and social welfare organisations can help them receive quality education. That will enable them to provide themselves and their families much better quality of life. (This idea appears nowhere in the body paragraphs.)

There are three remedies:

1. Delete this point from the conclusion.

2. Add another body paragraph with suggestions to break the cycle of poverty.

3. Change the main point of all the body paragraphs and leave the conclusion as it is.

a. Children growing up in poverty grow up to be unhealthy adults, but the government can invest in the public health sector.
b. Children raised in poor families have low levels of education, but the government can provide welfare programs to ensure that all children remain in school until age 18.
c. Girls raised in poverty get pregnant as teenagers and have large families when they are young, perpetuating the cycle of poverty. But the government can raise the age of consent, require sex education to be taught in schools and provide family planning services.

AlpheccaStars"A middle-class family" is not a specific family. It is the general concept of being raised in the middle-class. The plural form is not wrong, but then it refers to specific families rather than the general idea.

Very clear. Thank you

AlpheccaStarsI removed it because it substantially weakens your statement. "it is evident that" immediately evokes a question (Really?) in the skeptical reader's mind. "Children growing up in poverty face severe hardships. " is a forceful, powerful and dynamic statement. It does not illicit a question.

Got it. Thank you

AlpheccaStars2. Government and social welfare organisations can help them receive quality education. That will enable them to provide themselves and their families much better quality of life. (This idea appears nowhere in the body paragraphs.)
There are three remedies:
1. Delete this point from the conclusion.
2. Add another body paragraph with suggestions to break the cycle of poverty.
3. Change the main point of all the body paragraphs and leave the conclusion as it is.
a. Children growing up in poverty grow up to be unhealthy adults, but the government can invest in the public health sector.
b. Children raised in poor families have low levels of education, but the government can provide welfare programs to ensure that all children remain in school until age 18.
c. Girls raised in poverty get pregnant as teenagers and have large families when they are young, perpetuating the cycle of poverty. But the government can raise the age of consent, require sex education to be taught in schools and provide family planning services.

I understand. Thank you very much.

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