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Could you please rate my essay from 1-8. I am preparing for IELTS exam. Your comments are greatly appreciated! This is my first practice essay.

Subject: Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes or violence increase. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is common that many countries use severe punishment for controlling crimes and violence. Criminals will not fear of committing crimes, if there is no system to punish them. Whether they must be punished with death penalty or not depends on the degree of crime. I believe that capital punishment is necessary for certain criminals and it is better than life time imprisonment.

In prisons the prison authorities must try to inculcate good behavior into the prisoners. Ravages of punishment would only develop evil thoughts in the prisoners' minds. They must not be tortured physically. Instead, they could be supervised by behavioral experts. After a certain period of time, if there is no betterment seen in the prisoner's behavior, then it cannot be expected to be seen in future.

Prisons and Jails must be the places where bad people would transform into good people. If there is no fear of death, criminals would continue to attempt more illegal and inhuman activities. Our lives can only be safe and secure if capital punishment is enforced.

Thanks,

Yamini

Comments  
too short you need 250 words so you may be lucky to get a 5. Remember to always answer the question and not go off on a tangent and talk about prisons in general.
5?? Emotion: yawn . Thank you very much for the comments. It is very helpful. I will try one more and post it. Actually this time I tried for only 150 words. I will target 250 in my next one.

Thanks Again!