Topic: Sending criminals to prison is not the effective method to deal with them. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

It is true that the crime rate is increasing rapidly. Many people concede that a prison sentence might eliminate the problem of crime from its root, meanwhile, others hold the opinion that educating and retraining wrong-doers are the possible alternative approaches. In my opinion, I think both suggestions have own distinctive merits and should each play an integral role in tackling crime.

On the one hand, prison can help to reduce the current number of criminals and remain a stable peaceful society. For example, a dangerous law-breaker after being convicted will no longer be a social security risk. Furthermore, a prison term acts as a deterrent method for crimes. Knowing the risk of being condemned to jail, which also means losing the freedom, honour and living a miserable life in a cell, ones who have the attention of committing a crime would consider going down the path.

On the other hand, education might serve as a remedy for the origin of crime. If people having some knowledge of laws, they will have the ability to dispel any ideas of breaking the laws. In addition, educating about the laws also help to heighten people's intellect, especially the youngsters, then it might reduce the number of juvenile arrest rates, which grows violently in these days.

In conclusion, I believe that both imprison and education are essential weapons in the fight against crime.

Please work on fixing the mistakes in your previous essay. You will learn a lot from this exercise. Just posting another essay with the same kind of errors will not help you to learn from your mistakes.

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Topic: Sending criminals to prison is not the effective method to deal with them. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


My essay:

It is true that the crime rate is increasing rapidly. (That is not the question or the topic at hand. Focus your essay on answering the question and discussing your reasons for your answer. )

Many people concede that a prison sentence might eliminate the problem of crime at from its root, (comma splice error - http://www.cla.csulb.edu/departments/english/wrl/handouts/conjunctive-adverbs/ ) meanwhile, others hold the opinion that educating and retraining wrong-doers convicted criminals are the possible alternative approaches. In my opinion, I think (redundant) both suggestions have own distinctive merits and should each play an integral role in tackling crime. (Better: "I disagree with the statement because both approaches should be used, depending on the circumstances." - This is a direct answer to the question. You completely disagree that retraining is the only solution to punish criminal acts.)

On the one hand, prison can help to reduce the current number of criminals and remain (wrong word) a stable peaceful society in two different ways. For example, First, a dangerous law-breaker after being convicted will no longer be a social security (wrong word. Social security refers to pension program for old people.) risk. Furthermore, Second, a prison term acts as a deterrent method for crimes. Knowing the risk of being condemned to jail, which also means losing the one's freedom, honour and living a miserable life in a cell, ones people who have the attention (wrong word) of committing a crime would consider going down the path. (wrong meaning -- ... will think twice before choosing a path of crime.)

On the other hand, education might serve as a remedy for the origin of ( removing the causes of ) crime. If people having (wrong word) some knowledge of laws, they will have the ability to dispel any ideas of breaking the laws. In addition, educating about the laws also help to heighten people's intellect, especially the youngsters, then it might reduce the number of juvenile arrest rates., which grows violently in these days. (It's not just knowledge of the laws. People commit crimes because they are unemployable; they have no job skills. So they steal or sell drugs to get money for their family or their own living expenses. They know the law! That is not the problem.)

In conclusion, I believe that both imprison and education are essential weapons in the fight against crime.