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Children should always follow their parent's advice. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

This is my essay:

Nowadays, the traditional relationships between children and parents have changed a lot. Some old adults believe that children should always obey their parent's advice, while others say this is a negative thing. I feel it in my bones that children should not only always follow their parent's advice strictly. Children ought to have their own opinions and make their own decisions in their own life.
Children should build up their system of opinions on their own. When an adolescent has learned about how to make decisions, they become more confident. For example, children who always do exactly what their parents want them to do will find it complicated to choose every all-important milestone in their future life, such as which university they should enter. If children have their own opinions, they may be more active in every difficulty they may have someday. For instance, children with an independent mindset could be study actively in school, and then become impressive candidates in the future.
The relationship between parents and their children should be similar to a friendship. It means that children do not have to allow all advice of their parents, they may have their ideas which against their parent's advice. The process that occurs the exchange ideas between children and their parents can help the children how to express their opinion, and parent can also know how far their child's awareness is. For example, when children explain their perspective to their parents regularly, the relationship between them and their parents improves day by day, so, parents can give advice when children have bad thoughts or behaviors easily.
Each child is a unique individual, so they have a unique mindset. A child who always obeys their parents can lose their confidence and be anxious in society and may depend on their parents. Parents should not criticize their children for going against their advice, parents should encourage their children to raise their voice and help their children solve problems. This is incredibly beneficial for children because it helps them to be both confident and creative. Having their perspective makes them develop their debate skills and have a unique mindset.
In conclusion, children should have their own opinions but they still ought to listen to their parents carefully. Parents should have suitable solutions for sharing their ideas with their children regularly to instruct their children effectively.

Please check my essay (grammar, vocabulary, coherent,..). Thank you!!!

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Nowadays, th The traditional relationships between children and parents have changed a lot. Some older adults believe that children should always obey their parent's advice, while others say this is a negative thing. I feel it in my bones that children should not only always follow their parent's advice strictly. (The words "not only" need to be followed by another clause "but also".. For example, children should not only always follow their parent's advice, they should also seek their advice whenever they have a difficult decision to make. .) Children (You need to define what you mean by "children." A fifty-year old man is the son of 80-year old parents. He is their child.) ought to have their own opinions and make their own decisions in their own life.


(You did not answer the prompt: To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
You must answer with an adverb of degree. "Feel in my bones" is not an adverb of degree, nor is it an agreement or disagreement.)


Children should build up their a system of opinions on their own. When an adolescent has learned about how to make decisions, they become more confident. For example, children who always do exactly what their parents want them to do will find it complicated to choose make a choice at every all-important milestone in their future life, such as which university they should enter. If children have their own opinions, they may be more able to deal with active in every difficulty they may have someday. For instance, children with an independent mindset could be study (wrong verb form) actively in school, and then become impressive job candidates in the future.


The relationship between parents and their children should be similar to a friendship. It means that children do not have to allow (wrong word) all advice of their parents, (comma splice error) they may have their ideas which against (missing verb) their parent's advice. The process that occurs the exchange (Ungrammatical) of exchanging ideas between children and their parents can help the children (missing verb) how to express their opinion, and parent can also know how far their child's awareness is. (unnatural) For example, when children explain their perspective to their parents regularly, the relationship between them and their parents will improve, improves day by day, so, parents can give advice when children are troubled by something. have bad thoughts or behaviors easily.
Each child is a unique individual, so they have a unique mindset. A child who always obeys their parents can lose their confidence and be anxious in society and will always be dependent may depend on their parents. Parents should not criticize their children for going against their advice, (another comma splice error. You will lose points for these errors. Learn to avoid them.) parents should encourage their children to raise their voice (That means to yell and scream. Is that what parents should teach?) and help their children solve problems. This is incredibly beneficial for children because it helps them to be both confident and creative. Having their perspective makes them develop their debate skills and have a unique mindset.


In conclusion, children should have their own opinions but they still ought to listen to their parents carefully. Parents should have suitable solutions for sharing their ideas with their children regularly to instruct their children effectively.