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Topic: Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have had a negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Introduction:

It is said that social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram have had many detrimentals on both every single person and society. In my opinion, these social networking sites play a crucial in human's life in the flat world now, however, they have some backwards.

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It is said that (Avoid these passive-it constructions) social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram have had many detrimentals (Detrimental is an adjective. It is not a noun.) on both every single person and society. In my opinion, these social networking sites play a crucial (Crucial is an adjective. It is not a noun.) in human's (Do not use "human" except in comparison with animals and in set phrases such as "human rights".) life in the flat (wrong word. The earth is not flat.) world now, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) however, they have some backwards. (wrong usage)

You did not answer the essay prompt: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You must use an adverb of extent. Do you know any of these adverbs?

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Example opening paragraph:

There is a widespread opinion that social media have had a net detrimental effect on communities as well as individuals. From personal experience, I can sympathize with this view; however I cannot wholeheartedly endorse it.

"wholeheartedly" is a good adverb of extent. It is not used very often, although all native speakers know it.

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Comments  

People think that social media such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram have had many detrimental effects on every single person as well as society. However, while I agree that such sites play a crucial role in people's life, they have had some drawbacks.

 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

There are people who think that social media such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram have had many detrimental effects on every single person as well as society. However, while I agree that such sites play a crucial role in people's lives, they have had some drawbacks.

The examiner is looking for an answer to this question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is good to know a good handful of adverbs of extent because this is a very common prompt in IELTS Task 2 essays.

Complete agreement / disagreement:
------------

completely
fully
totally
wholeheartedly
unreservedly
with no reservations
without reservation
unequivocally
unquestionably
with no hesitation
unconditionally

Partial agreement / disagreement:
----------------

somewhat
partially
partly
to some extent
with (some / certain / a few) reservations
conditionally


Slight agreement / disagreement:
----------------

a little (bit)
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There are people who think that social media such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram have had many detrimental effects on every single person as well as society. In my opinion, I agree with this view, however I cannot totally endorse it.

Is it good enough ?

Đức Trần In my opinion

This has the same meaning as "I agree" so it is redundant. "Agree" is an opinion.

You have not fixed the comma splice.

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There are people who think that social media such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram have had many detrimental effects on every single person as well as society. I agree with this view; however I cannot totally endorse it.

The semicolon is one way to fix a comma splice.

https://www.chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm

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