Please Review My IELTS Essay

Topic: Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now failing what could be the reason for this trend and what can be done to reserve it.

My essay:

In spite of big revolutions in healthcare, residents' physical health in developed countries is now decreasing. I would give the reasons why this trend happened and some possible solutions to solve it.

The first reason causing this phenomenon is the development of the fast-food industry. Numerous people love consuming a large amount of fast food, although it contains a lot of cholesterol and lipids, which affect our health badly. According to a recent survey conducted by American health experts, American people are now suffering from obesity ten times more than they did in the past decades. To tackle this problem, the government should encourage the fast food industry to change from fast food to healthy fast food. This means that instead of using meat as an ingredient, we should probably use vegetables, which still maintain a similar number of calories and nutrients. Therefore, people are no longer overweighed, and it boosts their physical health.

Another reason leading to bad physical health is that new technology such as smartphone causes us to be lazier doing exercise. Smartphones are extremely portable, easy to use, and cheap, so everyone can afford one; as a result, people overuse them because there are a lot of apps on these smartphones. They keep surfing the Internet, staying online all day while they are necessary to finish important tasks. When they finish these tasks, they no longer have enough time to relax let alone exercise time. A practical solution is that the government make campaigns that motivate people to both use their smartphones and work out in order to raise the public's awareness of physical health. Subsequently, participants not only can use a smartphone but are also rewarded a prize and enhance their physical health.

In conclusion, the average standard of physical health keeps decreasing, as the modern technology and the fast food industry have huge improvements, but with these solutions, this trend can be reserved.