Please Review My IELTS Essay?

Topic: Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course in university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

My essay:

These days, there are more and more job opportunities for young people, leading to employers’ increasing demands. While individuals sometimes question whether they should complete a course in university, others are of the belief that it is better to start work after school and gain experience from work. I suppose that both sides have legitimate points.

Psychologically, both people finishing universities and people starting to work early feel confident, inspirational and sure about knowledge they have learnt from universities or work. While college students feel clear when they are guided by the curriculum, some people who are not suitable with studying college’s environment are comfortable when they follow their decision. Bill Gates is a surviving example. He dropped out of school and still built his own empire of technology.

When it comes to finance, starting to work early exerts positive impacts on people’s income. College students have to pay fees for learning facilities, documents and cost of living, which cost their parents hundred millions of Vietnam Dong each year. Meanwhile, people working early could be independent in finance with their own earnings. They have more options in spending from studying to entertaining than those who study college and have to rely on their parents’ budget.

In terms of education, both of these ideas help people learn a certain amount of knowledge. College students are equipped with core knowledge, which is studied and taught methodically before having a job. Meanwhile, not only could early-working people learn working skills from their predecessors but they could also practice intensively.

To summarize, both of these activities have positive effects on people’s psychology, education and even finance. Therefore, people could follow the most suitable way for themselves.