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Topic: The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.

My essay:

The bar chart provided the proportion of European in one country who went to theater during a week in 2003, 2005 and 2007.

In general, it can be seen from the graph that, over the surveyed period, the number of populations visiting to cinemas showed a increasing trend. In addition, in Monday which keep the lowest percentage compared to day of week while percentage of people watching movie in Saturday was highest in three years.

The most people preferred seeing a film in Saturday which started at 40 percent in 2003 while went up to 45 percent in the year 2005. However, the proportion of resident in 2007 slightly felt around between 40 to 45 percent.

On the other hand, 10 percent of people went to cinema in Monday in the year 2003 then the trend slowly jumped to 14 percent after two year, but it dropped at 12 percent at 2007.

Moreover, the pictures visualized Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday had the same percentage around between 10 percent to 20 percent. In contrast, Friday, Saturday, Sunday was higher than the rest of day of week from 10 to 25 percent.

In conclusion, people was more enjoy watching a movie in the days of weekend than the day of beginning of week.

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Please attach an image of what you are writing about. We cannot help you if we can't see the figure.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Put the essay instructions here. Attach the image here.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Your essay is over 210 words. It is too long.
Your essay has a "conclusion" paragraph.
Do not write a conclusion in Task 1. You must write a conclusion in Task 2.

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The bar chart provided (Do not use past tense. The information may be in the past, but the chart is here today. This is not a good word choice.) the proportion percentage of European (wrong form and wrong usage) in one country who went to theater (Not a good word choice. Plays and other live performances are in theaters. There is no information about these kinds of events. ) during a (wrong usage. The data is not from one particular week) week in 2003, 2005 and 2007.

In general, it can be seen from the graph that, (Those are useless words with no information about the data. Delete. Do not use these empty words.) over the surveyed (wrong usage) four-year period, the number (wrong word. A number is 23,476 or 249 or 3,876,433. The units of measure are not numbers.) of populations (wrong word. Population is all the citizens in a particular area. e.g. The population of Ho Chi Minh City is about 12 million, much larger than Hanoi's population of 7 million.) visiting to cinemas showed a increasing trend. (That is not true. Study the chart. The trend was down on Wednesdays. There was no trend for Fridays None of the other days showed a definitive trend - either increasing or decreasing.) In addition, in Monday had which keep the lowest percentage compared to all the other days of the week day of week while the percentage of people watching movie in on Saturday was the highest in every one of the three years.

The most people preferred seeing a film in (wrong word) Saturday which started at 40 percent in 2003 while and went up to 45 percent in the year 2005. However, the proportion of resident (very poor English) in 2007 slightly felt (wrong word - felt is the past of feel. e.g. I feel good. ) around between (wrong usage - these two prepositions do not belong together) 40 to 45 percent.

On the other hand, 10 percent of people went to a cinema in Monday in the year 2003 then the trend slowly jumped (wrong usage. A trend is a measure that steadily increases or decreases. It is not an individual data value.) to 14 percent after two year, (wrong form - one year, two years, five years...) but it dropped at (wrong word) 12 percent at (wrong word) 2007.

Moreover, the pictures visualized (wrong. Pictures do not have eyes. They cannot see or visualize anything.) Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday had the same percentage (Same means equal. Same cannot be between two values) around between 10 percent to 20 percent. In contrast, Friday, Saturday, Sunday was higher than the rest of day of week (Poor English. You do not use plural forms correctly) from 10 to 25 percent.

Do not write any conclusion in Task 1. The yellow text is ungrammatical English. If you would like a sample essay for this bar chart, you may ask for one.

In conclusion, people was more enjoy watching a movie in the days of weekend than the day of beginning of week.

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Comments  
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I see your problem. You copied and pasted the image into the editing window.

That will not work.

You have to attach a separate picture from your computer.

I will fix this issue on this one post.

But next time attach a file using the buttons "Attach Images" and "Add to post"

 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

I extracted this image from your post. Next time, attach a file. Do not copy + paste.

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 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.