Please review my writing task 1. Thank you so much!!!

Topic: the bar graph below shows basic information about uses of leisure time among different age groups.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main information and making comparisons.


My essay:

The bar graph illustrates the amount of time spent on various types of leisure activities of three distinct age groups. There are intellectual activities (computer use and reading) and physical activities (sport and exercise). The measurement unit is minutes per weekend day.

Overall, people aged 20 to 65 years old allocate more time for leisure pursuits than the younger and the elder groups (13-19 and 20-65 years old respectively) and most of their free time is for playing sports and doing exercise. People at the age of 66 and more spend most of their leisure time reading while the youngest group uses computers for a large portion of their free time.

In terms of physical activities, adults aged between 20 and 65 years old spend exactly 120 minutes per weekend day on sport and exercise which is six times higher than that of the older group(20 minutes) and two times higher than teenagers (60 minutes).

In terms of cognitive leisure, Reading consumes more free time than computer usage (60 and 30 minutes respectively) in the eldest group (66+ years old) while the opposite happens in teenagers (13-19 years old), they spend 75 minutes using the computer and 5 minutes reading. Adults aged from 20 to 65 years old give equal time for both reading and computer usage (30 minutes).

Your essay is too long, nearly 225 words. Aim for 170-190 for Task 1.


The bar graph illustrates (wrong word - illustrate is for diagrams, pictures, maps, that is, those with a drawing or photograph. It is not for mathematical plots. ) the amount of time spent in minutes on Saturdays and Sundays on various types of leisure activities of by three distinct age groups. There are intellectual activities (computer use and reading) and physical activities (sport and exercise). The measurement unit is minutes per weekend day. The age groups are teenagers (13-19), adults (20-65) and seniors (over 66).

(Do you see how defining the age groups in the first paragraph reduces the verbosity of the essay?)

Overall, people aged 20 to 65 years old adults allocate more time for leisure pursuits than the other two groups younger and the elder groups (13-19 and 20-65 years old respectively) and most of their free time is for playing sports and doing exercise. People at the age of 66 and more Seniors spend most of their leisure time reading while the youngest group uses teenagers use computers for a large portion of their free time.

In terms of physical activities, adults aged between 20 and 65 years old spend exactly 120 minutes per weekend day on sport and exercise which is six times higher than that of the seniors older group(20 minutes) and two times higher than teenagers (60 minutes). (You do not need a new paragraph. THe third paragraph is detailed observations.)

In terms of cognitive leisure, (not a good English phrase) Reading consumes more free time than computer usage (60 and 30 minutes respectively) in the eldest group (66+ years old) in the senior group while the opposite happens in teenagers (13-19 years old), they who spend 75 minutes using the computer and 5 minutes reading. Adults aged from 20 to 65 years old give equal time for both reading and computer usage (30 minutes).


You will get more points by combining categories in logical ways. If you would like a sample essay, please ask.

Yes, please give me a sample. Thank you so much!!!

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Sample essay:


The clustered bar chart gives the number of minutes spent during the weekends on three types of activities divided into three age groups. The activities are reading, computer use, and sports and the age groups are teenagers (13-19) adults (20-65) and seniors (66+).

Overall, adults spent the largest amount of time on these activities, followed by teenagers and then seniors. Each group had a different preference, teenagers played on their computers, adults did exercise and seniors read.

In detail, adults were engaged for a total of three hours. Two of the three hours were doing sports and exercise, and the rest was equally divided between reading and using a computer. Teenagers had a total of 2 hours and 20 minutes, with one hour of sports. Nearly all the rest (all but 5 minutes) was spent on a computer. The favorite activity of seniors was reading, which they did for an hour. However, they did participate in sports or exercise for 20 minutes and were on the computer for a half hour.