My Japanese friend wrote this song (14 lines) in Japanese and translated in English as given below. She wants me to make changes in it. Please help me.

SUNNY

1 Lalalala lalalala...
2 I sing this song for you
3 Lalalala lalalaa...
4 So please take me to the hill.

5 I had sad things today so I want to see your smile
6 Because I'll be happy at once
7 I had bad things today so I want to hear your voice
8 Won't you listen to my selfishness. <-------/what should I write here instead of selfishness?/

9 Today is a very sunny day.
10 You should go out.
11 In the world always happen bad things <-------/suggest me something of same meaning as bad things?/
12 So shall we have a good time?
13 Let's go to the hill dear!
14 I want to ride behind you!!! <-------/ride on bike/

I think from line 9 to line line 14, it needs many changes. What do you suggest? Please make changes anywhere in this song to make it better. Personally I feel the song was very good in Japanese but it is not giving the same impression in English.
Thanks.
Please correct this poem.... I have posted it few days ago, no reply :-(
Please......
AnonymousMy Japanese friend wrote this song (14 lines) in Japanese and translated in English as given below. She wants me to make changes in it. Please help me.

SUNNY

1 Lalalala lalalala...
2 I sing this song for you
3 Lalalala lalalaa...
4 So please take me to the hill.

5 I had sad things today so I want to see your smile
6 Because I'll be happy at once
7 I had bad things today so I want to hear your voice
8 Won't you listen to my selfishness. <-------/what should I write here instead of selfishness?/

9 Today is a very sunny day.
10 You should go out.
11 In the world always happen bad things <-------/suggest me something of same meaning as bad things?/
12 So shall we have a good time?
13 Let's go to the hill dear!
14 I want to ride behind you!!! <-------/ride on bike/

I think from line 9 to line line 14, it needs many changes. What do you suggest? Please make changes anywhere in this song to make it better. Personally I feel the song was very good in Japanese but it is not giving the same impression in English.
Thanks.


5 "I felt sad things today"
7 "I felt bad things today"
8 If this were a '50s rock 'n roll song, it would use the word "plea" at the end. I think it works.
11 "The world can be dark and dreary"? This contradicts line #9, but it has a better effect than your current #11.
14 "I want to carry you there."

Lazarus
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Thank you Lazarus for your help.

Regards.