hi guys, i need your help.
please correct those errors (if there are)

My name is Jacob, but people like to call me Jake as it is much simpler than the real one. I am 16 years old and I have my own pent-up talent. The pent-up talent that I am trying to tell to you guys is about my passion in cooking. I am so keen in cooking ever since I was a kid. I wish I could be a chef when I grow up. My mother always teaches me how to cook and create new recipes. I am so glad to have a mother like her.

Though my mother and my family were supporting me in my 'future-career', my father had the opposite look about my passion. He said that being a chef was not a great career. Moreover, cooking was only for women, not for a man like me, he thought. He told me that I could be much better than a chef. He always wanted me to become an engineer, like him.

For me, being an engineer is a tough thing. Furthermore, I am no good in mathematics. I am still having troubles on solving those mathematical problems. Because I already had my own problems are still unsettled, I guessed.

Sometimes, I felt neglected by my own father. Every time I served him the food that I made myself and asking him to give some comment about my food, he always said "Just stop cooking and be more like a gentleman, Jake!". I felt sad when he said like that to me. I used to cry alone in my room and then pretended that I was fine and nothing was happened.

At one fine day, while I was watching the television and sitting an my couch, I saw an advertisement about a cooking contest entitled ' Masterchef Malaysia'. It was held near my hometown. I was so excited to tell about the contest to my mother and could not stop thinking and wondering what if my father did not allow me to enter the contest. I was in dilemma at that time.

During the night while my family were having dinner, I started a light conversation talking about the cooking contest that I saw in the television and when everything went just like what I wanted then I started to make it more deeper. I told them that I was very interested to enter the competition and I was hoping for them to let me in it. Everyone in my family except my father were too happy knowing that I am going to go for the audition on the next day. My father kept on eating and did not give any reactions.

Next morning, I got ready and heading to where the audition took place at. My family member were supporting me during the audition. When my turn came, I did some dessert and the juries seemed to love it. I passed the audition and I was selected to the' Masterchef Malaysia' contest. My family was so proud of me including my father.

That night my father came into my room. He hugged me and told me that he was very sorry for not supporting me on becoming a chef and always wanting me to become an engineer. He told me that he had been so firm to me all these while. He was really regretted of what he had done to me. He told me that he will help me to be the first 'Masterchef Malaysia' winner and make my dream came true if I accept his apology. I told him that he was the greatest father in the world and nobody can replace him. I accepted his apology and hugged him tightly. That was the best moment I ever had. I cried a lot that night.

A couple days before the cooking contest started, my father helped me to create some new recipes to make sure that i got the enough practice. My father shared his hereditary recipe from his late mother. I recreated the recipe to make it more modern and fresh. I just could not wait to start cooking.

On the day of the tournament, my family wished me a good luck. They told me to work hard to win this contest since it had been my dream since I was a little kid and to prove to my father that I am serious about my passion.

Thank goodness, I won the contest. I am the first 'Masterchef Malaysia' winner. Now, I am a chef in Food Network. I received a lot of invitations in cooking programs such as 30 Minute Meals with Jake, Jake's Big Bite and so much more!. I am really proud of who I am. I just want to say to my family especially my mother and father, thank you for supporting me and my career and thank you for having faith in me.
I only corrected the first part. It's just a suggestion how to write it. If you like your version better, don't use mine.

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My name is Jacob, (but people like to call me Jake as it is much simpler than the real one)
but people normally call me Jake.

I am 16 years old and I have my own pent-up(?) talent.
Ok.

The pent-up talent that I am trying to tell to you guys is about my passion in cooking.
You should use things like 'you guys' in essays.
And this sentence doesn't seem to make sense. You don't have to try to tell them about your passion- You just tell them what your passion is.
Just use something like: The talent I have is cooking. (I'm not satisfied with my own example) Try to search another one.

I am so keen in cooking ever since I was a kid.
It's: 'to be keen on something' not 'in'
and use the present perfect here:
I have been keen on cooking ever since I was a kid.

I wish I could be a chef when I grow up.
Ok. Or just: I wish I could become a chief cook.

My mother always teaches me how to cook and create new recipes
There is no thread... You first write about your talent and what you want to become.(Ok) And then you suddenly change the topic. There should be a connection like:
My mother has always taught (teaches) me how to cook and create new recipes. I am glad to have a mother like her, because I'm very interested in cooking. That's why I want to become a chief cook.

I am so glad to have a mother like her.
Ok

But as I've already said, if you don't like this, use yours! But correct at least the mistakes.
LS
What I forgot:
I took a look at your text and I really noticed a lot of mistakes in your text with prepositions
Take a better look at them!!!

Just the one I noticed without reading it exactly:

be keen on something/somebody
good at something
have troubles doing something
pretend to be
wish somebody good look
to be interested in
support somebody in doing something

LS
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
and I did a mistake in my corrections:
The pent-up talent that I am trying to tell to you guys is about my passion in cooking.
You should NOT use things like 'you guys' in essays.
i need more help. please help me correct the whole essay.
Though my mother and my family were supporting me in my 'future-career', my father had the opposite look about my passion. He said that being a chef was not a great career. Moreover, cooking was only for women, not for a man like me, he thought. He told me that I could be much better than a chef. He always wanted me to become an engineer, like him.

Even though my parents have been supporting me all days (if they still do support you), my father didn't always understood my passion. He thought you can't become successful in being a chief cook. Moreover, cooking was only for women.
He told me that I could be way better than a chef. He always wanted me to become an engineer like he was/had been. ('was' if he was still working on that point).

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For me, being an engineer is a tough thing. Furthermore, I am no good in mathematics. I am still having troubles on solving those mathematical problems. Because I already had my own problems are still unsettled, I guessed

For me being an engineer is tough. Furthermore I am not even good at mathematics. I am still having troubles solving ....
- sounds odd to me

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Sometimes, I felt neglected by my own father. Every time I served him the food that I made myself and asking him to give some comment about my food, he always said "Just stop cooking and be more like a gentleman, Jake!". I felt sad when he said like that to me. I used to cry alone in my room and then pretended that I was fine and nothing was happened.

First of all: I still don't know which kind of essay this should be. It just sounds weird to me!
Sometimes...... not made! done. made is in the sense of produce something. comment ON, not about
(If you served him food, it sounds odd getting told your not even a gentleman. A gentleman doesn't match well here!
When he said like that to me?? When he said things like this to me. Just read your essay a second time on your own...
...... and then pretended to be find as nothing had happened.

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At one fine day, while I was watching the television and sitting an my couch, I saw an advertisement about a cooking contest entitled ' Masterchef Malaysia'. It was held near my hometown. I was so excited to tell about the contest to my mother and could not stop thinking and wondering what if my father did not allow me to enter the contest. I was in dilemma at that time.

I once saw an advertisement about a cook contest named 'Masterchef Malaysia'. It was going to be held near my hometown.... I was so excited to tell my mother about this contest. But I kept thinking of my father's reaction and if he was going to let me go. DILEMMA? Is definitely something TOTALLY different than you are describing here. You weren't in a dilemma because you didn't have to do a decision.

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Look way better at the grammar and vocabulary you use. You're spelling is fine so far.
And another point: I said you're prepositions are totally wrong and gave you some examples. Why didn't you go through the text and correct them?
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
thanks very much louist.
I hope you know it's still not all corrected.
I'll be doing it tomorrow if there's any time left.