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Hallo,

Please, help me correct my English mistakes in my text.

My text:


In France, in 2003, 2 370 000 workers were exposed to carcinogenic products. Those results, published in the “First Synthesizes” July issue, edited by the research department of the Employment ministry, come from the “Summer 2003” study.

In the study, 1800 investigating doctors looked for a possible exposition of a population of 50 000 to 83 chemical products. Among them, 13.5% were exposed to at least one or several carcinogenic products, a number that has increased by one point in the last 10 years.

The sector of automobile sell and repair, metallurgy and metal transformation (transformation of the metal), wood and paper industries, mines product industries and finally, construction have in common to have at least 35% of their workers exposed to carcinogens.

Thank you very much,
Spoonfedbay
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Comments  
In France, in 2003, 2,370,000 workers were exposed to carcinogenic products. Those results, published in the “First Synthesizes” July issue, edited by the research department of the Employment ministry, come from the “Summer 2003” study.

In the study, 1,800 investigating doctors looked for a possible exposure, in a population of 50,000, to 83 chemical products. Among them, 13.5% were exposed to at least one of several carcinogenic products; a number that has increased by one point in the last 10 years.

The sectors of automobile sales and repair, metallurgy and metal transformation, wood and paper industries, mining product industries and finally, construction, have in common the exposure of at least 35% of their workers to carcinogens.

(I'm not happy with "metallurgy and metal transformation" but I'm not sure what you are referring to; perhaps "metal foundries"?.)

foundries (as in "foundry") n. : factory where metal castings are produced.
'Those results' in the second sentence has an indefinite antecedent. Results of/from what? There is, in the only sentence that precedes this one, no reference to anything that would produce results. The paragraph need a little rearrangement of the material.
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Hello Eimai_Anglos,

Yes, I was looking for "foundry and metallurgy." Thank you very much.

Second version:

In France, in 2003, 2,370,000 workers were exposed to carcinogenic products. Those results, published in the “First Synthesizes” July issue, edited by the research department of the Employment ministry, come from the “Summer 2003” study.

In the study, 1,800 investigating doctors looked for a possible exposure, in a population of 50,000, to 83 chemical products. Among them, 13.5% were exposed to at least one of several carcinogenic products - a number that has increased by one point in the last 10 years.

The sectors of automobile sales and repair, foundry and metallurgy, wood and paper industries, mining product industries and finally, construction, have in common the exposure of at least 35% of their workers to carcinogens.

Spoonfedbaby
Thank you very, davkett

Third version:

In France, in 2003, 2,370,000 workers were exposed to carcinogenic products. The result published in the “First Synthesizes” July issue, edited by the research department of the Employment ministry, comes from the “Summer 2003” study.

In the study, 1,800 investigating doctors looked for a possible exposure, in a population of 50,000, to 83 chemical products. Among them, 13.5% were exposed to at least one of several carcinogenic products - a number that has increased by one point in the last 10 years.

The sectors of automobile sales and repair, foundry and metallurgy, wood and paper industries, mining product industries and finally, construction, have in common the exposure of at least 35% of their workers to carcinogens.

Spoonfedbaby
This was my point:

Your first sentence says nothing about a study, or series of studies, being conducted. It only states that workers were exposed to carcinogenic products. The second sentence refers to 'the result', but the reader doesn't know what is referred to by 'the result'. The third sentence talks about 'the study' involving 50,000 people. Is that one of several studies?

So I think you have to lay the groundwork better for the details that follow. It is not possible to know the larger context here. Was this a series of controlled experiments where workers were exposed to carcinogens in various workplaces, was this a study, or series of studies, of results of exposure, was it a study, or series of studies, about hazards in the workplace.

And, are you sure you copied the title, 'First Synthesizes" accurately?
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Hello davkett,

Thank you very much for helping me.

True. I don't talk about the procedure of the study.

I don't know how to rearrange the information so that readers will understand which study and which result I'm talking about.

Fourth version:

In France, in 2003, 2,370,000 workers were exposed to carcinogenic products. The result { the result= = 2,370,000 workers were exposed to carcinogenic products}was published in the “First Synthesizes” July issue, edited by the research department of the Employment ministry and comes from the “Summer 2003” study.

In the study {the study = = “Summer 2003” } , 1,800 investigating doctors looked for a possible exposure, in a population of 50,000, to (a list of) 83 chemical products { a sample of 50 000 people for the study} . Among the workers who have participated to the, 13.5% were exposed to at least one of several carcinogenic products - a number that has increased by one point in the last 10 years.

The sectors of automobile sales and repair, foundry and metallurgy, wood and paper industries, mining product industries and finally, construction, have in common the exposure of at least 35% of their workers to carcinogens.

Spoonfedbaby
Is it something like this:

In France, in 2003, 2,370,000 workers were exposed to carcinogenic products. The results of a study of 50,000 workers were published in the “First Synthesizes” July issue, edited by the research department of the Employment ministry.

In that study, titled, "Summer of 2003",1,800 investigating doctors looked for possible exposures to 83 different chemical products. Among the workers who participated in the study, 13.5% were exposed to at least one of several carcinogenic products - an increase of one percentage point in the last 10 years.

In each of the sectors of automobile sales and repair, foundry and metallurgy, wood and paper industries, mining product industries and finally, construction, 35% of their workers suffered carcinogenic exposure.
Thank you so much, davkett.

And yes, you were right about the newspaper title. I didn't translate it well. It should be "First Syntheses."

Spoonfedbaby
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