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Question: More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number…) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?


The dominance of technology in recent years leads to the tendency of many people to provide their personal detail online. In my opinion, it may contain the risks of cyber issues for the users whereas it has some noticeable convenience for the daily lives.


On the one hand, updating personal data online is beneficial for the online purchase process. By linking the user's information with their accounts, it will be more convenient for them to do online trading on E-commerce platforms. For example, many popular shopping websites, such as Shopee or Lazada, initially take the customer's identity because their data has been synchronized with their accounts. Therefore, it totally increases the comfort of the customer’s experiences.


On the other hand, publishing personal details on the Internet may put people into the exploitation of the hackers, which affects the safety mode of their data. Subsequently, this stolen information is potentially tapped by cybercrimes with illegal purposes, which assists financial fraud, blackmails, etc,...and so on. “The X account” story is the best example of the consequence of leaking information. By stealing personal data from the users on Facebook, this person exploited this information to oppress and blackmail the victims until they agreed to pay money for taking back this information. This leads to turbulence in society and online users for a long time.


Overall, despite some relatively minor advantages, personal details online are a negative development considering the risk of cyber issues. In my opinion, governments should enact additional privacy regulations for the IT laws to reduce the repercussions that occurred.

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The dominance of technology (wrong word) social media and online shopping in recent years leads to the tendency of many people to provide their personal detail (wrong form) online. In my opinion, it may contain the risks of cyber issues (Unnatural) for the users whereas it has some noticeable convenience for the daily lives.


You did not answer the essay prompt. The #1 mistake that students make is not answering the question. It results in a low score for "task achievement."

Here is the question: Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

What are some answers? Here are two examples. You must support your answer in the body paragraphs. Do NOT write an advantages/disadvantages essay. Your score will suffer.

1. I think it is mostly positive, although there are some precautions that users must take.

2. It is definitely a negative development because many people's lives have been destroyed when they become victims of cyber crime.


On the one hand, updating entering one's personal data online is beneficial for the online purchase process. By linking the user's information with their accounts, it will be more convenient for them to do online trading (wrong word) on E-commerce platforms. For example, many popular shopping websites, such as Shopee or Lazada, initially take the customer's identity because their data has been synchronized with their accounts. Therefore, it totally increases the comfort of the customer’s experiences.


On the other hand, publishing personal details on the Internet may put people into the exploitation of the hackers, which affects the safety mode (wrong phrase) of their data. Subsequently, this stolen information is potentially tapped by cybercrimes (wrong word) with (wrong word) illegal purposes, which assists financial fraud, blackmails, etc,...and so on. “The X account” story is the best example of the consequence of leaking information. By stealing personal data from the users on Facebook, this person exploited this information to oppress and blackmail the victims until they agreed to pay money for taking back this information. This leads to turbulence (wrong word) in society and online users for a long time.


Overall, despite some relatively minor advantages, personal details online are a negative development considering the risk of cyber issues. In my opinion, governments should enact additional privacy regulations for the IT laws to reduce the repercussions that occurred. (You did not follow the essay instructions. The instructions did not ask for a solution to the problem. This sentence is off-topic and you will lose points.)



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Comments  

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Thuy ChungWriting is still the hard skill for me.

Most students get their lowest score on the writing part of the IELTS exam.

It is very challenging.

Thuy ChungI think I need to practise writing much more.

I wholeheartedly agree with you.

.