Hi,
I worte an essay for my Toefl ibt prepartaion.
Could you pls check it for me.
I need your sugestion regarding grammar errors and ideas.
If there is anything need to be improved upon, pls tell me.
Thank you.

Here is the question
Question

Leaders like JFK and Martin Luther King have made important contributions to the people of the country-region w:st="on" style="">. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.

An Important Leader

From the history, the world has witnessed a lot of important leaders who contributed a lot to other people. From the ancient Greco-Roman to modern history, from Jesus to Bill Gate, the most important world leader, for me, is Gandhi. I think Gandhi is the most admirable leader who contributed a lot not only for country-region w:st="on" style="">India but also for the rest of the world because of his principle of Satayagraha and his contribution to the independence of country-region w:st="on" style="">.

Firstly, Gandhi had suggested important principle called Satayagraha. For me, it is the principle of thought which is the most powerful and admirable. The principle aims to achieve political change by using no force. To attain the goal, ones have to change the opponent’s mind by pursuing, showing evidence of rationalities that ones’ idea is good-to-follow. The principle was adopted by many countries later on such as country-region w:st="on" style="">. Also, it changed political history.

Secondly, Gandhi frees country-region w:st="on" style=""> from slavery of British colonies. country-region w:st="on" style=""> had been under British colonies for so many years and Indian people were treated with double standard compared to British people. There were numbers of law that exploited Indian people. For example, British prohibited Indian people to produce salt. Gandhi could not stand this and encourage Indian to free country-region w:st="on" style="">. He introduced Satayagraha and stated that Indian would use no force.When British soldiers used their arm force, Indian did not use the force back. Reporters at the time captured the moment when Indian people were hit by British soldiers but they just stood still. The picture was published throughout the world. Something like this happened on and on and eventually, British have to leave .

In conclusion, I think Gandhi is the most important world leader because he introduce powerful principle of thought that can brought about political change by using no force and he contributed a lot to free country-region w:st="on" style="">. Nowadays, there are many political wars both internal and aboard. Many people have hurt and died to scarify the wars. I think, we better use Satayagraha to solve political conflicts instead of wars.
Question

Leaders like JFK and Martin Luther King have made important contributions to the people of the United States. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice.



An Important Leader

From the history, the world has witnessed a lot of important leaders who contributed a lot to other people. From the ancient Greco-Roman period to modern history, from Jesus to Bill Gate (spelling), (This goes better at the beginning of the paragraph) the most important world leader, for me, is Gandhi. I think Gandhi is the most admirable leader who contributed a lot not only to India but also to the rest of the world because of his principle of Satayagraha and his contribution to the independence of India.

Firstly, Gandhi had introduced (to whom) an important principle called Satayagraha. For me, it is the principle of thought which is the most powerful and admirable. The principle aims to achieve political change by using no force. To attain the goal, ones have (agreement) to change the opponent’s mind by pursuing, showing evidence of rationalities (wording) that ones’ idea is good-to-follow. The principle was adopted by many countries later on such as Burma. Also, it changed India political history.

Secondly, Gandhi frees India from British slavery of British colonies. India had been under British rule for so many years and Indian people were treated with double standard compared to British people. There were numbers of laws that exploited Indian people. For example, British prohibited Indian people from producing salt. Gandhi could not stand this and encourage (tense) Indian (one?) to free India. He introduced Satayagraha and stated that Indian would use no force.When British soldiers used their arm forces, Indian did not use the force back (awk). Reporters at the time captured the moment when Indian people were hit by British soldiers but they (who are they?) just stood still. The picture was published throughout the world. Something like this kept happending and eventually, British have (tense) to leave India.

In conclusion, I think Gandhi is the most important world leader because he introduce powerful principle of thought that can brought (verb tense) about political change by using no force and he contributed a lot to free India. Nowadays, there are many political wars both internally and aboard (spelling). Many people have hurt and died to scarify the wars. I think, we better use Satayagraha to solve political conflicts instead of wars. (not relevant)
julielai ....Thank you very much for your helpEmotion: smile