+0
Dear all,

I have discussed with Aini on our proposal - sponsorship or contest marketing approach.

She is agreeable with the sponsorship items - pen and note book worth RM 5000 for both items. These two items will be distributed to all guest who will be attending the conference. She is also aware that part of having their showcase logo, we would like to have our company name printed on all the items.

However, Aini would like to have the previlage to coordinate the ordering of these two items with the cost of RM 5000 chargeble to VADS.
+0
Hi hasnita, welcome to the forums! I was a little unsure of your meaning in some paragraphs

Dear all,

I have discussed our proposal with Aini; the sponsorship or contest marketing approach.

She has agreed on the sponsorship terms, a pen and note book worth RM 5000. These two items will be distributed to all guests attending the conference. She is also aware that as part of having their showcase logo present; we would like to have our company name printed on all the items.

However, Aini would like to coordinate the ordering of these two items at the price of RM 5000 chargeable to VADS.
Comments  
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
The revised version is crisper and clearer, except for this sentence: "She has agreed on the sponsorship terms, a pen and note book worth RM 5000." Here it seems that she has agreed on three things instead of two.

The original dash was better instead of the comma. To be typogrphically correct, it should be a spaced en-dash or a tight em-dash. Alternatives are colon or "which are" or "which include".

NeoPrimitive
Tnx N, nicely noticed:

She has agreed on the sponsorship terms - a pen and note book worth RM 5000.
Also, isn't "notebook" usually one word?
I think the same reasoning could be applied to the first sentence. I like the original dash. A colon, I think, might be even better.
And I don't see why you choose to use a semicolon in the penultimate sentence. It seems to me that "as part of having their showcase logo present" should be set off by commas, no? "She is also aware that we would like..." except interrupted. Make sense?
Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.