The tendency of human beings copying each other is shown in popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. To what extent do you agree?
Nowadays, many more people tend to look like the same with others due to their style of fashion and goods. I partly agree with this statement as there are some disagreements I want to talk about this trend. On the one hand, I agree that people are copying other people's fashion style and other things for several reasons. Firstly, with the spread of advertisements and social media, many celebrities appear in luxury clothes on the internet to advertise or to show off with their fan, which makes many people dress up like those celebrities so they will look fancy, just like their favourite star. For instance, a famous singer called Taylor Swift, she wore her Gucci skirt at the concert and perform in front of lots of people, then after the performance, her dress became common and popular, everyone dressed up like her and walked around the street. Secondly, having the same look or character with other people shows that that you are trying to be her or him, which will make you lose yourself, you will forget who you are. For example, my friend, he used to copy his idol as he has the same face which looks nearly like his idol. He became famous for a while and then he was bullied at school by the girls and other fan as he was rude to other people. On the other hand, some people look the same with other people do not mean that they want to look similar. The first thing is that they may be best friends or couple. They are likely to wear the same shirt or same outfit so they will become closer. As an example, my best friend and me, we usually wear our favourite shirt which we gave to each other on our birthday and they looks the same, we wear our favourite shirt whenever we hang out with our friends or go to the party,it shows that we are close friends. Another thing is that some people are forced to wear the same outfit like other people in some situation. For example, my whole class have to wear our class outfit whenever we join an event or take part in school activities since it is our symbol, it illustrates that we are in the same class, we are a family. In conclusion, being the same with other people is not weird or strange, it depends in the situation to display your relationship with other people or sometimes it is a coincidence.
desk cobra 513The tendency ofhuman beings copyingpeople to imitate / copy each other is shown in popularity of the latest fashionsclothesand consumer goods. To what extent do you agree?
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Thanks for your suggestion and here is my fixed essay.
Nowadays, many more people tend to look like the same with others due to their fashion style and goods. I partly agree with this statement as there are some disagreements I want to talk about this trend.
On the one hand, I agree that people are copying other people's fashion style and other things for several reasons. Firstly, with the spread of advertisements and social media, many celebrities appear in luxury clothes on the internet to advertise or to show off with their fan, which makes many people dress up like those celebrities so they will look fancy, just like their favourite star. For instance, a famous singer called Taylor Swift, she wore her Gucci skirt at the concert and perform in front of lots of people, then after the performance, her dress became common and popular, everyone dressed up like her and walked around the street. Secondly, having the same look or character with other people shows that that you are trying to be her or him, which will make you lose yourself, you will forget who you are. For example, my friend, he used to copy his idol as he has the same face which looks nearly like his idol. He became famous for a while and then he was bullied at school by the girls and other fan as he was rude to other people.
On the other hand, some people look the same with other people do not mean that they want to look similar. The first thing is that they may be best friends or couple. They are likely to wear the same shirt or same outfit so they will become closer. As an example, my best friend and me, we usually wear our favourite shirt which we gave to each other on our birthday and they looks the same, we wear our favourite shirt whenever we hang out with our friends or go to the party,it shows that we are close friends. Another thing is that some people are forced to wear the same outfit like other people in some situation. For example, my whole class have to wear our class outfit whenever we join an event or take part in school activities since it is our symbol, it illustrates that we are in the same class, we are a family.
In conclusion, being the same with other people is not weird or strange, it depends in the situation to display your relationship with other people.
You wrote over 400 words! The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.
First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors. (Since you make lots of mistakes, your score sill not be good.)
Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.
Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.
Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.
Fifth, pity the examiners who have to read all the IELTS essays individually. There are hundreds of them. If they read your long essay when they are tired at the end of the day, they will score extra hard and not be very generous when scoring.
Sixth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.
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Nowadays, many more people tend to look like the same
withas others due to their fashion style and goods.You did not understand the task.. You will get a low score for "task response."
I partly agree with this statement as there are some disagreements I want to talk about this trend. (You confused two words -- trend and tend.)
(Do NOT agree partly. Take one side or the other. You do not have the skills to write a "partly agree" essay. You have to be writing at level 8 or 9 to write an opinion essay where both sides are presented.)
This paragraph is all off-topic. It is not about fashion or the fashion industry. That is not the topic.
On the one hand
, I agree thatpeople are copying other people'sfashionstyle and other things for several reasons.Firstly, First, with the spread of advertisements and social media, many celebrities appear in luxury clothes on the internet to advertise or to show off with their fan, (This means that they dance or perform with a fan. See the picture below. That is not what you meant.) which makes many people dress up like those celebrities so they will look fancy, just like their favourite star. For instance, a famous singer called Taylor Swift, she (ungrammatical) wore her Gucci skirt at the concert and perform (wrong form) in front of lots of people, then after the performance, her dress became common (wrong word) and popular, (comma splice error - ungrammatical sentence) everyone dressed up like her and walked around the street.Secondly, Second, having the same look or character with other people shows that that you are trying to be her or him, which will make you lose yourself, (comma splice error - ungrammatical sentence) you will forget who you are. For example, my friend, he (repeat subject - ungrammatical sentence) used to copy his idol as he has the same face which looks nearly like his idol. He became famous for a while and then he was bullied at school by the girls and other fan as he was rude to other people.On the other hand, some people look the same with other people (improper subject - ungrammatical sentence) do (wrong form) not mean that they want to look similar. The first thing is that they may be best friends or couple. They are likely to wear the same shirt or same outfit so they will become closer. As an example, my best friend and me, (repeat subject - ungrammatical sentence) we usually wear our favourite shirt which we gave to each other on our birthday and they looks the same, (comma splice error - ungrammatical sentence) we wear our favourite shirt whenever we hang out with our friends or go to the party,it (comma splice error - ungrammatical sentence) shows that we are close friends. Another thing is that some people are forced to wear the same outfit like other people in some situation. For example, my whole class have to wear our class outfit whenever we join an event or take part in school activities since it is our symbol, (comma splice error - ungrammatical sentence) it illustrates that we are in the same class, we are a family.
In conclusion, being the same with other people is not weird or strange, it depends in the situation to display your relationship with other people. (You missed the point of this topic.)
Study this page:
https://chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htmThis is "perform with a fan."