Hi,

I must write a letter for a university and this is what I managed to make after research on your website. Could someone pls be so kind to take a look at it and point out the mistakes to me.
Thanks in advance!
Ash

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Dear Sir,

I am writing you this letter to apply for the Master's Degree program in ICT in Business at the .

Before I start I would like to begin with a brief introduction of myself. My name is XXXX XXXX, I’m 22 years old and currently live in XXXX. I was born in XXXX but I have been living in the for almost 16 years of my life now. I recently graduated in ICT in Business in September 2006 from the in .

During the last four years at INHolland my studies mainly focused on bridging a gap between the business and ICT. Successful ICT implementation is becoming more and more crucial for a companies performance. The role of the manager is changing. To implement a successful ICT solution a manager must not only have knowledge of the business side, but also be able to communicate the business needs to ICT language. Last year, while I was writing my thesis, I had the opportunity of being a researcher with the main focus on usability research. I got to explore first-hand experience of the usability issues of today’s Content Management Systems. I have developed a passion for research, especially in bridging the gaps between the business and ICT.

During this period I also got acquainted with several students from the who were also working on their thesis. Here I met with XXXX XXXX, a foreign student from who was finishing his Master’s Degree in ICT in Business. To assist my academic planning I seized the opportunity to speak with these student’s from Leiden University, and was able to get answers from a student’s point of view.

I have learned that is the oldest and one of the best universities, with students from different backgrounds, in the . Globalization is one of the most important issues of the day. The can provide me a good base to pursue an international career by working with students from different backgrounds.

I was the first student from in to graduate in ICT in Business. I always knew that my ambition was to continue my academic planning and finish my Master’s Degree. Having researched and spoken to students I’m very excited by my decision to continue my education. With a solid foundation in academic theory on ICT in Business through the Master’s Degree program in ICT in Business at , I am confident that I will have the skills and knowledge to pursue my career as a manager with both ICT and Business know how.

Yours Sincerely,

XXXX
Can Someone pls take a look at this motivational letter

kind regards

ash
I am writing you this letter to apply for the Master's Degree program in ICT in Business at the University of Leiden.

Before I start I would like to begin with a brief introduction of myself. My name is *** ***, I’m 22 years old and currently live in ***. I was born in *** but I have been living in the Netherlands for almost 16 years of my life now. I recently graduated in ICT in Business in September 2006 from the University of INHolland in The Hague.

During the last four years at INHolland my studies mainly focused on bridging the gap between business and ICT. Successful ICT implementation is becoming more and more crucial for a company's performance. The role of the manager is changing. To implement a successful ICT solution a manager must not only have knowledge of the business side, but also be able to communicate the business needs to the ICT department. Last year, while I was writing my thesis, I had the opportunity of being a researcher with a main focus on usability research. I got first-hand experience of the usability issues of today’s Content Management Systems. (I have developed a passion for research, especially in bridging the gaps between business and ICT - this is repetitious. Rephrase or delete)

During this period I also got acquainted with several students from the University of Leiden who were also working on their thesis. Here I met with *** ***, a foreign student from China who was finishing his Master’s Degree in ICT in Business. To assist my academic planning I seized the opportunity to speak with these students from Leiden University, and was able to get answers from a student’s point of view.

I have learned that the University of Leiden is the oldest and one of the best universities, with students from different backgrounds, in the Netherlands. Globalization is one of the most important issues of the day. The Leiden University can provide me with a good base to pursue an international career by working with students from different backgrounds.

I was the first student from INHolland University in The Hague to graduate in ICT in Business. I always knew that my ambition was to continue my academic planning and finish my Master’s Degree. Having researched and spoken to students I’m very excited by my decision to continue my education. With a solid foundation in academic theory on ICT in Business through the Master’s Degree program in ICT in Business at University of Leiden, I am confident that I will have the skills and knowledge to pursue my career as a manager with both ICT and Business know-how.
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Dear Nona

I would like to thank you very much for your help.

Kind regards

Ash