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Alternation of popular hobbies is getting quicker and quicker result in some arguments that changing popular recreations tend to reflect trends and styles rather than true personal interests. I completely agree with this assertion.


On the one hand, many hobbies are simply faddish trends. I believed these trends deprived from peer group pressure among people, especially children and teenagers. When I was 13, for instance, I want to have long bangs by the reason this style is very much in vogue at that time, many surrounded friends possessed it, but this style only existed awhile. Another typical example is the phenomenon of admiring famous singers. Some new celebrities suddenly reputed, their career path was flying high and seem to reach a peak but for over a few months or so, they were faded into oblivion.


On the other hand, some changing hobbies help people find out what makes them interesting. Over recent years, there have been several different fitness trends for adults, from jogging to aerobics to yoga. Many fitness centers appeared, they also devised big and clever marketing strategies, finally, they succeeded in holding for lots of people. For the first time, everyone did exercises for pleasure or just followed the crowd, but after a short time, they recognized that they can get many benefits and relaxation from them and they make a habit of it. After all, they did for interests not only for temporary passion. I think that is a good example of popular interests that also reveal true enjoyment.


In some periods, people make choices based on their enjoyment but I believe that changing popular interests have more trendy factor than pure excitements

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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You are trying to use high-level words to impress the examiner. But you do not know them well enough to use them naturally. It is better to write sentences with simple words than poor sentences with misused vocabulary words. You make frequent comma splice errors. Learn to avoid this common error by reading this resource: https://www.chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm

It is very good to use personal experiences, but the first two are not hobbies or interests and are off-topic. Interests are art, music and travel. Hobbies are things you like to do such as playing games of skill like chess or tennis, creating art works by drawing or painting, or photography.



Alternation (wrong word) of popular hobbies is getting quicker and quicker result in some arguments (ungrammatical sentence) that changing popular recreations tend to reflect trends and styles rather than true personal interests. (Your first sentence is very poor and ungrammatical. Do not use words if you do not fully understand them.) I completely agree with this assertion.


On the one hand, many hobbies are simply faddish trends. I believed (wrong tense) these trends deprived (wrong word - deprive means to take something necessary or pleasant away from someone) from peer group pressure among people, especially children and teenagers. When I was 13, for instance, I want (wrong tense) to have long bangs by the reason (wrong phrase) because this style (A hair style is not a hobby.) is (wrong tense) very much in vogue at that time, (wrong punctuation, comma splice, run-on ungrammatical sentence) many surrounded (wrong usage) friends possessed (wrong word) it, but this style only existed awhile. Another typical example is the phenomenon of admiring famous singers. (That is not is not a hobby, either. Listening to music is a hobby or interest.) Some new celebrities suddenly reputed, (wrong word) their career path was flying high (wrong phrasing. Casual or informal expression) and seem (wrong tense) to reach a peak but for over a few months or so, they were faded (wrong verb form) into oblivion.


On the other hand, some (wrong word) changing hobbies help people find out what makes them interesting. (That does not mean what you want. What makes me interesting is my ability to discuss many topics.) Over recent years, there have been several different fitness trends for adults, from jogging to aerobics to yoga. Many fitness centers appeared, (wrong punctuation, comma splice, run-on ungrammatical sentence) they also devised big and clever marketing strategies, (wrong punctuation, comma splice, run-on ungrammatical sentence) finally, they succeeded in holding for (wrong words) lots of people. For the first time, everyone did exercises for pleasure or just followed the crowd, but after a short time, they recognized that they could can get many benefits and relaxation from them, including a way to relax, and they make (wrong tense) a habit of it. After all, they did for interests (wrong form) not only for temporary passion. I think that This is a good example of popular interests that also reveal true enjoyment.


In some periods, (wrong phrase) people make choices based on their enjoyment but I believe that changing popular interests have more trendy factor than pure excitements (wrong form, missing punctuation.)