This was an essay assinged to me by my Honors Brit Lit teacher. We had to write a rough college essay on the subject "tell me something about yourself"

This is about me. Please proof read for me and give feedback and any helpful advice you can provide would be very much appreciated. I know that there are run on sentences (or so i think) scattered throughout the paper, this is a rough draft and I just wanted to get the majority of my thoughts out.

Another starless night, another pointless fight, the never ending struggle to achieve that moment of peaceful tranquility continues. It’s the nights like these that I find myself, the frustration and anger teaming over, the rage surging through my veins, a venomous and intoxicating fury. No matter how hard I hit something, no matter how long I cry it will always be there with me, inside me, taunting me every second of my life. I look at my family and I see the pain and suffering that has been dealt to them. I witness the anguish of my two hard working parents, whose only crime is trying to provide a first-class life for their children. I feel their fatigue from the long hours they work, just to provide me with the “right” surroundings, the “right” education, and the “right” morals. To provide me with an arsenal to take on the unfeeling and cruel world on my own, in a hope that I won’t suffer the same fate as they did; that “I will make it”. Yet they have no comprehension of the heart ache, the detrimental toll, which this struggle has on me. The barrage of insults and the loud screaming matches, all a result of their insufferable stress. The feelings that whatever I do, will never be enough, haunt my waking moments.
Here is where the rage starts to mesh into one, the rage at myself, the rage at my family, and the rage at the world. The feelings of disgust for the history of my species, the cruel massacres and betrayals, the senseless wars, and futile deaths of innocent people, overcome me. These feelings make the shameful burden I bear on my back even greater. I turn on the news and hear more about the death and destruction of the world, the torment of so many people less fortunate than I. These stories stir within me a burning desire to help these people, to give them even a scrap of the luxury I enjoy. A desire that I’m sure every American deep down in their heart feels, but just like me, we sit thousands of miles away, turning a deaf ear to the raging wars that we have such an influence on, and continue our selfish materialistic lives.
I’ll take that late night drive to the beach, in a hope to free myself from the clutches of these merciless emotions. Its here, as I slip my shoes off and submerge them into the cold and soothing sand, that I find that moment of tranquility I have been waiting for. It’s when I look up and see the twinkling glow of the stars, it’s when I hear the gentle crashing of the waves, and look out and see the shimmering reflection of the moon on the water, its when I look into the vastness of the Pacific and gather my thoughts, these are the moments by which I define myself. The moments where for that fleeting instance I am able to cherish that flash of tranquility, the moments that give me the power to get back in my car, and head back to my house. It’s these peaceful instances that give me the strength to put up another fight, and endure another day. In a hope that maybe one day, maybe one day I’ll be able to live out my dream, to make my parents proud, but to also help the people who I hear screaming in my nightmares, whose sullen looks of misery and starvation haunt my sleep. Maybe one day, I’ll make a difference.
Hi guest,

I find your expressions a tad flowery. Or is it just me?
I really enjoyed reading your essay. I guess it is the one which stands out. But for my mind it doesn't have clearly - cut focus. Don't skip over different, absolutely polar points, just choose one focus and be consistent with it while writing. In this work you vented all your divergent ideas concerning so many points.

But in general it produces good impression. Continue to work on its enhancement.