Found on the New England Patriots newsgroup. When it's off season off topic reigns.
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
* When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

* If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.

* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two-tired.
* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

* A backward poet writes inverse.
* In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
* If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

* When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.
* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

* A calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted: 'taint yours and 'taint mine.

* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

* When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture: a jab well done.
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Found on the New England Patriots newsgroup. When it's off season off topic reigns. * I wondered why the baseball ... Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. * Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. * Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Not all of these are puns.
* Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Not all of these are puns.

pun: a humorous play on words
Which one(s) didn't you not find to be er, punny?
Another definition implies the use of words that sound alike, but some puns play on meaning and not similar sounds.
JOE
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Not all of these are puns.

pun: a humorous play on words Which one(s) didn't you not find to be er, punny? Another definition implies the use of words that sound alike, but some puns play on meaning and not similar sounds.

I'm not a native speaker, so some of this might be just bad, English, but two of the puns I find unphunny (no idea which ones contrex had in mind), are:
* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- I don't see any double meaning here. I see /why/ whoever penned it thought it might be funny - the small-medium-large gradation, but there is no double meaning (IMHO).
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Why would anyone think Linoleum and Napoleon sound similar? Or may be the "phun" is supposed to be the guessing of that reference?
pun: a humorous play on words Which one(s) didn't you ... but some puns play on meaning and not similar sounds.

I'm not a native speaker, so some of this might be just bad, English, but two of the puns I ... contrex had in mind), are: * The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

"Medium" has two meanings in that sentence:
1. a size intermediate between small and large,
2. someone who serves as an intermediary between theliving and the dead.
"Medium" is used as a loose synonym for "fortune teller".
- I don't see any double meaning here. I see /why/ whoever penned it thought it might be funny - ... think Linoleum and Napoleon sound similar? Or may be the "phun" is supposed to be the guessing of that reference?

The comparison in sound is between "Linoleum Blownapart" and "Napoleon Bonaparte".

Peter Duncanson, UK
(in alt.english.usage)
I'm not a native speaker, so some of this might ... who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

"Medium" has two meanings in that sentence: 1. a size intermediate between small and large,

Yes, exactly. In this sentence, I don't parse "medium" to mean size, however I read it. It only makes sense when read as "a small fortune-teller at large". It simply doesn't make sense when interpreted as "a small middle-size at large", therefore, no double meaning.
2. someone who serves as an intermediary between the living and the dead. "Medium" is used as a loose synonym for "fortune teller".

- I don't see any double meaning here. I see ... "phun" is supposed to be the guessing of that reference?

The comparison in sound is between "Linoleum Blownapart" and "Napoleon Bonaparte".

Yup, that's what I wrote. To me, they don't sound similar. Again, is that legitimately "punny"?
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(Email Removed) had it ...
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart. - Why would anyone think Linoleum and Napoleon sound similar? Or may be the "phun" is supposed to be the guessing of that reference?

That one is extremely funny. Just goes to show you what the English will laugh at.

David
==
"Medium" has two meanings in that sentence: 1. a size intermediate between small and large,

Yes, exactly. In this sentence, I don't parse "medium" to mean size, however I read it. It only makes sense when read as "a small fortune-teller at large". It simply doesn't make sense when interpreted as "a small middle-size at large", therefore, no double meaning.

The double meaning is indirect. The words "small medium at large" will remind the reader (or listener) of the more familiar "small, medium and large". "Medium" has different meanings in those two phrases. The word "and" in the familiar phrase has to be changed to "at" to make the phrase fit the sentence.

Peter Duncanson, UK
(in alt.english.usage)
The comparison in sound is between "Linoleum Blownapart" and "Napoleon Bonaparte".

Yup, that's what I wrote. To me, they don't sound similar. Again, is that legitimately "punny"?

There is a long convoluted story, which ends with; "He was a super-calloused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis"

this, meaning to sound like;
"Supercalafragilistic expialadocious" words made up for a song in Mary Poppins, a Disney movie. Anyone knowing the movie and song would make the connection. These types of puns are not "belly laughers", they are intended to result in a groan, or mild chuckle.
JOE
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