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Hello, I have this profile due in three days and i need help making it sound rich and grammatically correct. You might recall this because i posted something similar earlier but this version if very different. This is the most important post in the world to me, please correct properly, thanks

Describe up to two qualities that you possess that you feel would make you a good candidate for engineering at U of T. Your answer should not exceed 150 words.
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As a committed member of the Western Association of Robotics Personnel for three years, I have developed outstanding leadership and teamwork skills that I use on a daily basis. Hectic days with sleepless night played off when our team defeated 80 others to win the Greater Toronto Regional and we went to compete for the national Championship in Atlanta, Georgia. Because of my hard work and dedication, I was promoted to head of the electrical team by my second year. When my teachers saw how interested I was in engineering, they recommended U of T Engineering Enrichment Program, which I entered with fascination and enthusiasm. DEEP has shown me just how exciting hands-on work can be, and Saturday Science Academy has inspired me once again and has given me a great insight of University education.
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DavefromthefreewayHello, I have this profile due in three days and i need help making it sound rich and grammatically correct. You might recall this because i posted something similar earlier but this version if very different. This is the most important post in the world to me, please correct properly, thanks

Describe up to two qualities that you possess that you feel would make you a good candidate for engineering at U of T. Your answer should not exceed 150 words.
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As a committed member of the Western Association of Robotics Personnel for three years, I have developed outstanding leadership and teamwork skills that I use on a daily basis. Hectic days with sleepless nights played off when our team defeated 80 others to win the Greater Toronto Regional and we went to compete for the National Championship in Atlanta, Georgia. Because of my hard work and dedication, I was promoted to head of the electrical team by my second year. When my teachers saw how interested I was in engineering, they recommended U of T Engineering Enrichment Program, which I entered with fascination and enthusiasm. DEEP has shown me just how exciting hands-on work can be, and Saturday Science Academy has inspired me once again and has given me a great insight into University education.
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Just a couple of other things:

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As a committed member of the Western Association of Robotics Personnel for three years, I have developed outstanding leadership and teamwork skills that I use on a daily basis. Hectic days with sleepless nights played paid off when our team defeated 80 others to win the Greater Toronto Regional and we went on to compete for the National Championship in Atlanta, Georgia. Because of my hard work and dedication, I was promoted to head of the electrical team by my second year. When my teachers saw how interested I was in engineering, they recommended the U of T Engineering Enrichment Program, which I entered with fascination and enthusiasm. DEEP has shown me just how exciting hands-on work can be, and Saturday Science Academy has inspired me once again and has given me a great insight into university education.
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(The underlined phrase sounds a little odd to me – though other ears may disagree.)

All the best,

MrP
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Comments  
Hi Dave,

Glad you got great and prompt help. Write again if you need anymore, OK?

Clive
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