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Hi,
1. Would you say it is appropriate to use the present perfect "have loosened" here (sort of an amusement park report) in a subordinate clause?

With a small hiccup, the ride tilts to the side and xxx young ones who have loosened their grip are send sliding into the center of ....

2. Can you correct tenses here? Or for that matter, correct everything written if possible. Thanks.

I did great in my middle school. Few things I remember most about my days at school so far are my great teachers and the fun we had together. But now, I have to graduate. I have only a month before graduation. I remember Sue, who transferred to another school just two monthes before this graduation date. Had she stayed in our school, she would be expecting to graduate in a month like me. I miss her. She had great humor that could liven up the classroom atmosphere as quicky as a blink of an eye (with some exaggeration, ha, ha...). Anyway, after a month, I will be sitting in my house, sipping a cool lemondate, thinking of days I will be spending at XXX High School and students and teachers I will be meeting. Before then, I should be enjoying (I should enjoy??) this time of remembrance and expectations.
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.
This is OK:

With a small hiccup, the ride tilts to the side and young ones who have loosened their grip are sent sliding into the center of ..

And I'd do this:

I did great in my middle school. But now I have to graduate. I have only a month before graduation. A few things I remember most about my days at school so far are my great teachers and the fun we had together. I remember Sue, who transferred to another school just two months before this graduation date. Had she stayed in our school, she would have been expecting to graduate in a month like me. I miss her. She had a great sense of humor that could liven up the classroom atmosphere in the blink of an eye.

In a month
, I will be sitting in my house, sipping a cool lemonade and thinking of the days I will be spending at *** High School and the students and teachers I will be meeting. Before then, I should enjoy this time of remembrance and expectations.
Comments  
Hi,

After waiting so many days for a response, I realized that my post has been long, possibly too long to get a response, so I have decided to narrow it down to just one. Could you answer this one? Remind you that this is sort of a report on sort of an amusement park, I think.

1. Would you say it is appropriate to use the present perfect "have loosened" here (sort of an amusement park report) in a subordinate clause?

With a small hiccup, the ride tilts to the side and *** young ones who have loosened their grip are send sliding into the center of ..

 Mister Micawber's reply was promoted to an answer.