I'm bored, this forum needs some jokes. So I picked some random ones from Youtube... I read them in the comments, LOL.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my Christmas tree?
My Christmas tree looks good with the lights on.

A blond girl is watching the news with her boyfriend. The newscaster says: "There was a plane crash today. Two brazilian man have been confirmed dead". The blonde turns to her boyfriend and says: "Oh my God! What a disaster! How many are in a brazilian?"

How do you keep an idiot waiting?
I'll tell you later.

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
So the other one could drive.


A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

A boy walks in to a bathroom to do his business. He lifts open the seat and finds a small Indian standing in the water. "WOAH! Jeez man, how long have you been in there?!", the boy exclaimed. The Indian replied, "For many moons." (It took me a while to figure this out, LOL)

Two bats go out for their midnight feed. One hour later the first bast comes back tired and sore from flying, and he didn't get any blood whatsoever. The second bat came back with blood dripping from his mouth and the first bat asked, " How did you get all that blood?"
"I'
ll show you", the second bat said. The second bat led the first bat to a cave, and said, "Do you see that wall?"
"Yes!", the first bat said excitedly.
"I didn't."

What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
(LOL, I had to look up "at large" in this one)

What starts with P and ends with E and Has Loads of letters in it?
Post Office!


An atom says to the other, "I've lost my electron"
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."


A chicken and an egg are lying in bed together. The chicken turns to the egg and says, "I guess that answers that question." (ROTFL, took me a few seconds to figure out)

A blonde, a brunette, a red-head, a priest, a nun, an irishman and a talking pig walk into bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?!"


What did one wave say to the other wave?
Nothing, they just waved.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Thats funny, I smell carrots too".

A trucker is sitting in a dinner eating his breakfast when a group of bikers walk in. They go up to the poor man and start eating off his plate. The man gets up and walks out of the dinner. The leader of the bikers walks up to the bartender and says, ''He wasn't much of a man...'' The bartender says, '' He's not much of a driver either, 'cause he just ran over 12 motorcycles"

What has four wheels, two doors, and flies?
A garbage truck!

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.

So this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender asks, "What's that?"
The pirate says, "Arrrrgh, I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts."

A man was drowning.
A ship came along.
They said, "We'll save you."
But the man replied,
"No, God will save me!"
Another ship came along.
They said, "We'll save you."
The man replied.
"No, God will save me!"
The man ended up drowning.
He asked God in heaven,
"Why didn't you save me?"
God replies,
"I sent you two ships, dumbass."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen!" The woman goes to sit down at the back of the bus, fuming.
"The driver just insulted me!" she tells the man next to her.
The man says: "Then go tell him off! I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Hi Kooyeen:
Do you get bored often? I hope so [6] I hope not. [K]
Thank you for posting them Kooyeen [Y] ...I like the bats Emotion: bat Emotion: bat ...Emotion: big smile
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.

As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common."
These are some funny quotes ...[H]

Writers Quotes
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Tom Clancy

I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.
William Faulkner

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.
Steve Martin

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.
Mel Brooks

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Robert Benchley

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.
William Faulkner

The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
Robert Benchley
An Englishman flies to Australia and arrives at the security desk.

"Do you have any alcohol, food or explosives in your bag, sir?" asks the guard.
"Absolutely not," responds the Englishman
"Are you a member of any political or terrorist organisations, sir," continues the guard
"Definitely not," retorts the Englishman
"Finally, sir. Do you have a criminal record?"
"By God, man. I didn't know you still needed one!" exclaimed the English gent.

Alternatively, when the great cricketer Donald Bradman was selected to sail to England to represent Australia, his family held a party for him. His elderly grandmother was there and, upon hearing that her grandson was coming to England, declared "What? Where all these awful criminals came from!"

(Hint. In the 18th & 19th centuries, criminals were deported from Britain to Australia)
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Hey Kooyeen, i couldn't get most of them Emotion: thinking
I love the brazilian one!

Soeleen, which ones do you not understand?
KooyeenTwo snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: "Thats funny, I smell carrots too".
KooyeenA blonde, a brunette, a red-head, a priest, a nun, an irishman and a talking pig walk into bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?!"


KooyeenA chicken and an egg are lying in bed together. The chicken turns to the egg and says, "I guess that answers that question.
KooyeenWhat do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison?
A small medium at larg
KooyeenA boy walks in to a bathroom to do his business. He lifts open the seat and finds a small Indian standing in the water. "WOAH! Jeez man, how long have you been in there?!", the boy exclaimed. The Indian replied, "For many moons."
KooyeenWhy did the Siamese twins move to England?
So the other one could drive.
KooyeenWhat's the difference between my girlfriend and my Christmas tree?
My Christmas tree looks good with the lights on.

A blond girl is watching the news with her boyfriend. The newscaster says: "There was a plane crash today. Two brazilian man have been confirmed dead". The blonde turns to her boyfriend and says: "Oh my God! What a disaster! How many are in a brazilian?"
All this !!
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
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