Is this a forum where you can post your work and people will critique it, or is this a forum for people who are learning english as a second language to find help on their work?well, I will post my story, just in case you will critique it even though I am a native english speaker.Emotion: wink

Hallowmas, All Hallows’ Eve, Samhain, Halloween. Whatever you decide to call it, this tradition believed to have originated in the Middle Ages as a time of dressing as evil and good falls in modern times on October 31st. It has come to have a totally different meaning from its ancient roots. Very few still honor it as a gathering time of the Church for acting out the victory of good over evil. The holiday has now become worldly and commercialized, and has been adopted by those who delight in causing harm to others during the night. But this story does not focus on these issues. This is about the lighter side of things, the candy, the costumes, the family! So sit back and enjoy!

“Mom, I want to be Frodo for Halloween.”, said Mason, a nine year old boy. His sister, Karinne, then fifteen, thought that was fantastic. It would be a lot of fun helping find a costume for him. And maybe she could have one too, though she realized she might seem too old for it. But she could hope, couldn’t she?What she wanted to be was an elven character she had developed herself, though all her ideas were from the same story Frodo originated from, the wonderful story The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. This book, which to her seemed an epic, had become her most beloved story. She had heard of the movie, and once the family had seen it, she knew she needed to read the book. Mason enjoyed the tale as well, but Karinne suspected the reason was for the many skirmishes and battles. And while, yes, this was exciting, what really captured her heart and interests were the fascinating cultures and dwellings of the diverse assemblies of people in the story, their personalities, and the intriguing mystique behind the enchanting evil of the One Ring. But the courageous hobbit, Frodo, had obviously become one of Mason’s favorites, and was indeed hers.

The next few weeks were full of thrift store shopping and fabric buying. Their father asked a coworker to help make the “One Ring” from brass, and they used a silver colored chain to hang it around the “hobbit’s” neck. A white shirt that seemed homespun, knee length trousers, a rich brown coat, and a lucky find, an orange vest. Fleece made his elven cloak, and suddenly, a Fellowship pin and leather traveling sack were the only items needed!They found a leather book bag, and green maple leaf pin would substitute for a young leaf of the beech tree. But what would they use for his feet?Hobbits do not know what shoes are, let alone wear them, but they do have tough, hairy feet. The family improvised a sock with false hair glued on it to cover each foot, for not even hobbits are allowed to walk through the school Halloween parade barefooted!During “trick or treating” he would have the hair glued on his feet instead. Karinne did not get her costume, as she delayed in asking for help. But she did not mind too terribly much, for she knew there was still fun to be had.

At last, it was October 31st, and evening neared. As dusk settled, they were briefed on safety techniques, and equipped with a emergency beacon, what some call the “cellular phone”. Karinne would take Mason on a trek through the neighborhood, in their quest for the prized chocolate treasures of other villages. They decided that they would call this holiday “Candy Collecting Day”, for they did not agree with the celebration of demons and witches that was truly the meaning of this day named Halloween. As they set off into the darkness, Karinne was wary, but also excited to be out having fun. But what surprises lurked around the blustery street corner?Household after household gave sustenance to weary travelers, sending them on their way. Karinne eyed a group of older trick or treaters, and tried to avoid any strange looking people. As one can imagine, this proved difficult on Halloween.

Continuing around the streets, their journey’s end was nigh. Approaching one house in particular, she saw people scurry inside, but soon forgot as the pair were busy collecting treats from the preceding abode. As they came to the next yard, they noticed a person wilting upon a chair, or was it just a stuffed prop? Suddenly, the “dummy” glanced at them, causing them to jump back in fright. But there was no danger, it was simply a trick, and everyone shared in the laugh. Karinne now realized the connection of the jest with the previous scene of people racing into the house. She complimented the pranksters, including those who now returned from their hiding place to reveal themselves, and the Fellowship of two proceeded to finish their voyage. Once home, they gathered in their parents’ room and watched Halloween programs on the television. The evening was spent savoring their sugar feast, and attempting to keep their favorites away from Mom, the official goodie snatcher.

KH

Credit Where Credit is Due

The Lord of the Rings , by J.R.R. Tolkien

Although allusions were made in the text towards several themes and items in the Lord of the Rings and were not then credited, the author did not forget them. She chooses to honor, for her own personal wishes, J.R.R. Tolkien’s work by listing them.

Frodo, hobbit burdened with the quest of destroying the One Ring.

One Ring, evil magical ring that would give its sinister creator all power if he obtained it again.

Hobbit, race of quiet farming folk, small of stature but stout of body and heart, residing in the Shire of Eriador

Fellowship of the Ring, the Nine chosen to take the Ring to its final destruction, Frodo, the ring-bearer, was first of the nine.

elven-being of the Elves, whether an item or a person

well, tell me what you think!is it good for a short halloween story? KH
Hi KH,

I encourage you to [url="http://www.EnglishForward.com/User/CreateUser.aspx"]register[/url]: http://www.EnglishForward.com/User/CreateUser.aspx.

I am not well versed with JRR Tolkien, so I hope someone else drops by and comments. If I don't see any comments soon, I will draw attention to your post and have other look at it.

MountainHiker
I do not see why one would need to know anything about Professor Tolkien to give their opinion of my story..I just wonder if it is boring, stupid, etc. that's all.Thank you to any one who helps, I am very grateful.
Also, on the subject of registering, I am hesitant to join a forum, because they ask for addresses and names and emails.Even though they "promise" not to use this info against me, once they have my info, they can do whatever they please with it, can't they?
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Eeep!I left my full name in there!Could any of the moderators take it out of my message? I am thinking about registering, it seems like a respectable forum.This message doesn't need to be posted.
I think you can stop worrying about registering, I was visiting here as a guest for about two months before finally registering a couple of weeks ago, and I've had no problems.

I thought your story was quite good but I would make a few suggestions:

You need more paragraphs. At the moment there are large blocks of text that make reading your story more difficult. Each distinct 'idea' should have its own paragraph and you should vary their length to add interest to your story. Paragraphs can be any length in theory, but in practise don't make them too long.

I liked all the Tolkien references in your story.

It might liven things up a bit to bring in a bit of dialogue and remember than good fiction writers learn how to 'show' rather than 'tell'.
Thank you for the advice, nona the brit, or perhaps just 'nona'!I joined the forum, as you can see.If I posted a revised version, would you give me your opinion? And did you enjoy the story itself, or think it was too childish? *pokes her *** doing that! I have an iMac, and as all iMac users probably know, if you keep pressing shift, some weird Capitals Lock comes on.StOp!
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Hi tinuviel,

Yes post the next draft and I will read it.

It does read a bit like a story for children, perhaps as you don't get a lot of stories for adults with children as the main characters.