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Could someone please help me to refine the letter below in a better way or check if there's any gramatical error or structure error? make sure the points are still there and this letter is to forward to my ex-manager. Thanks!!

Hi Susan, Hi Thomas,

This message was written not for the purpose to bring up the past events but just for some understandings and the main purpose of this letter is to ask for a help from Susan if she could.

I’m going for an interview in Singapore on this coming Saturday [10 December 2005] and I wish you could kindly help me to print out a testimonial letter with Intel letter head which could give me a higher chance in succeeding in the interview - since Intel is a reputable company and known worldwide. You don’t need to write that I was an ex Intel employee, but you can just state in the letter that I was a Green Badge contractor that worked with you before.

I understand pretty well that you’re a very busy woman with less time, and if you could help with this, it is best to produce the letter on this coming Thursday. I should have approached you earlier but sorry to notice you in just a short period of time to prepare and to print out the letter because all of a sudden the interview date has changed and I have insufficient time to inform you. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

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Susan, on the "one on one session", I had maybe reacted in an impulsive way and one of the words I said was “you’re the most difficult person that I’d ever communicate with”. That was not quite true, and I hope you’ll forgive & forget what I had mentioned. – Hope you didn’t bury if any of those words in our conversation seem to upset you. I seldom react in such a way in my personal attitude and I'm sorry.

It was because of my acts that you had no choice but to bring up to the board of management about my misconducts. It was not your fault but mine even though you judged me according to my surface that you didn’t realize the things behind. I’ve bought a book called “the rules of work” and I can conclude myself in my past working experience with you was, I could not understand sufficiently about “the rules of work” in the workplace that had brought me into disastrous level. – shouldn’t blend in too much person information with team members, set boundaries within superior and etc…anyway I’ve learnt those mistakes.

Thomas I know you’ve made a mistake by repeating our conversation that was not suppose to be revealed by 3rd party as we’ve promised. Unfortunately it had brought me into a big trouble. But it was not all your wrong, it was part of mine too that I managed myself poorly by asking unnecessary help.

Take care Friends! and I still love both of you very much,

Vincent
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Hi,

This is very personal writing. I hope you don''t mind if I make some frank comments. In the letter, you note that you can get too personal instead of business-like, and that you have problems in setting boundaries. Well, you are doing the same things, and having the same problems, in this letter. It's not very appropriate, in my opinion.

Here's what I suggest. You should rewrite this as two letters, one to each person. Concentrate on telling each person what you are asking them to do. If you want to briefly apologize for inappropriate remarks in the past, theat's OK, but keep it short and don't start commenting on ther behaviour, just stick to yours. Keep it all short. Keep love out of a business letter, just finish with 'Yours sincerely'.

If you do that, and repost your revised letters here, I'd be happy to try to help you with the English.

Bets wishes, Clive
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Hi Clive, Thanks for you opinion. Okay I'll write this as a seperate letter but can you or someone else please amend my below message first?. Thanks

I’m going for an interview in Singapore on this coming Saturday [10 December 2005] and I wish you could kindly help to print out a testimonial letter with Intel letter head which could give me a higher chance of succeeding in the interview - since Intel is a reputable company and known worldwide. You don’t need to write that I was an ex Intel employee, but you can just state in the letter that I was a Green Badge contractor that worked with you before.

I understand that you're a busy person, and if you could help with this, it is best to produce the letter on this coming Thursday. I should have approached you earlier but sorry to notice you in just a short period of time to prepare and to print out the letter because all of a sudden the interview date has changed and I have insufficient time to inform you. Your help would be greatly appreciated.
Hi, I made some changes. Good luck. Clive

Dear Susan,

I am writing this to ask for your help. I would be extremely grateful if you could provide me with a reference letter stating that I was a Green Badge contractor who worked with you at Intel.

I understand that you are always very busy, but it would be very helpful if you could possibly let me have the letter by this coming Thursday, as I have an interview in Singapore on Saturday, 10 December. I intended to approach you with more time, but the interview date has suddenly been changed at the last minute.

Once again, Susan, I want to thank you for any help that you can provide to me.

Yours sincerely,

Vincent Tee
thanks for informing me, Clive, I'm a young graduate Emotion: big smile
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