Would somebody comments my formal letter.

Regards,

Dean

Dear Sir ,

My name is____ ______, a PhD candidate under the supervision of Dr. X and Associate Prof Y from the M Research Center. I am doing a study on the quality of information in pharmaceutical advertisements in medical journals as part of my PhD thesis. The study will be a comparative one between Canada and Australia. I was wondering if there might be an opportunity for me to get some information on the readership of your journal and the availability of pharmaceutical advertisements.

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,
Hi,

I've suggested some changes.

The sentence in italics needs more work. 1. It's not clear what specific information you are asking for. 2. You need to make clear that you are not asking for anything he considers confidential.

Best wishes, Clive

Dear Sir ,

I am a PhD candidate under the supervision of Dr. X and Associate Professor Y from the M Research Center. As part of my thesis, I am conducting a study on the quality of information in pharmaceutical advertisements in medical journals . The study will be a comparative one between Canada and Australia. I was wondering if there might be an opportunity for me to get some information on the readership of your journal and the availability of pharmaceutical advertisements.

Thank you.



Yours Sincerely,
Hi Clive,

How about this?

I was wondering if there might be an opportunity for me to get information on the readership and whether pharmaceutical advertisements are appeared in your journal?

Regards,

Dean
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Hi Dean,

I was wondering if there might be an opportunity for me to get information on the readership and whether pharmaceutical advertisements are appeared in your journal?

I was wondering if there might be an opportunity for me to obtain some iinformation about your readership and about the pharmaceutical advertisements which appear in your journal.

I assume you have seen the journal, so you know that such ads appear?

I still think you need to be a bit more specific about what kind of information you need. eg He might think you want a list of the readers' names.

Best wishes, Clive
Dear Clive,

I have not seen the journal yet. How about this?

I was wondering if there might be an opportunity for me to obtain information on the number of readership (circulation) and whether pharmaceutical advertisements are appeared in your journal?

Regards,

Dean
Hi Dean,

Better.

I was wondering if there might be an opportunity for me to obtain information about your circulation, and whether pharmaceutical advertisements appear in your journal?

For the second part about the ads, you might just get a yes/no answer. You might continue

If you feature ads, . . . and then ask your question(s) about this.

Best wishes again, Clive
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Thanks Clive!

Regards,
Dean