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akb,

Please post your revised letter with MM suggestions. Please catch as many spelling and grammatical errors as possible.

MountainHiker
Hi MoutainHiker,

I am posting the revise letter with a request to review it and suggest changes.
Thanks you in advance
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the master’s programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, and experience that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance. With my personal traits and medical background, I know I can perform well in humanitarian medical aid work as well; I have found it fascinating since my teenage years. Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex issues of humanitarian work. Most of the international nonprofit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries.

My first degree is in medicine. I chose the health profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I worked as the person in charge of Basic Health Unit in the rural area of district X. The exciting thing of my job was not only working as medical doctor but also it involved supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of lady health workers. I gained more exposure to administration aspect of health. Later on, I decided to pursue my master in public health.

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I took my MPH course at X(city), X (country); I was not sure how interesting this post graduate work would be for me. However, as I proceeded with my master’s degree, it increased my level of confidence in my abilities of analysis of disease patterns and data bases, recognition of potential risk, planning and timely action. Furthermore I gained more exposure to research while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, provide medical care to out reach people and care for affected people of war and conflict. I think my medical and public health background is an excellent pathway into issues concerning the humanitarian medical aid work.

The experience of living in such sharp contrast to my life in X (city), X(country), has given me a broader view of the world and the ability to adapt to a different culture. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme.

Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International. Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations, e.g. eye camps, blood bank, fundraising for the cancer patient etc. I have always enjoyed my volunteer work. These volunteer works groomed my organization and management skills. I worked as a part of team during my community work and led a team of editorial board of student college magazine. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college. I feel that this programme will compliment my experience with non-governmental organizations.

Now I would like to focus on a Master programme in International Humanitarian Action. I believe that the aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background and aspirations. It will let me broaden my interests in International Humanitarian Work. I am confident that with the knowledge and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will gain necessary skills and experience that will help me to deal with the complex issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely,
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Dear Sir or Madam:

I am applying for the master’s programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, and experience that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

With my personal traits and medical background, I know I can perform well in humanitarian medical aid work as well. Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex issues of humanitarian work. Most of the international non-profit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries. Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance.

My first degree is in medicine. I chose the health profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I worked as the person in charge of Basic Health Unit in the rural area of district X. my responsibilities included supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of healthcare workers.[1] I gained more exposure to administration aspect of healthcare.

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I took my MPH course at X(city), X (country), I was unsure of the applicability of the degree towards my career aspirations. However, as I proceeded with my master’s degree, it increased my level of confidence in my abilities to analyze of disease patterns and data bases, to recognize of potential risks, and to plan and act in a timely action. Furthermore while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory I gained more exposure to research. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, [to provide medical care to out reach people—something seems wrong here] and to care for affected people from war and conflict.

The experience of living in such sharp contrast to my life in X (city), X(country), has given me a broader view of the world and the ability to adapt to different cultures. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme.

Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International [when, why?]. Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations such as eye camps, a blood bank, a non-profit fundraising institution for the cancer patient. [2] I have always enjoyed my volunteer work. More my volunteer work has strengthened my organization and management skills. For example, I worked as a part of team on the student newspaper editorial board during university where I learned to effectively manage people and their personalities as well as manage tight deadlines. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college.

Now I would like to focus on a Master programme in International Humanitarian Action. I believe that the aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background, experience, and future aspirations. [It will let me broaden my interests in International Humanitarian Work.—rather obvious, no?] I am confident that with the knowledge, experience, skills, and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will be well positioned to deal with complex medical aid issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,

[1] I wouldn’t mention the gender of the healthcare workers. It is irrelevant and only raises questions.

[2] I dislike seeing “etc.” “e.g.,” and other stuff like this in a formal letter. “Etc.,” says to me, “I don’t know any more.”

I chopped some stuff off. I found it repetitive at the end of every paragraph saying something to the effect that the education and your goals are aligned.

Have a look. See if this reflects your thoughts. You need to make some improvements in some areas. But it is starting to look pretty good.

Hope this helps.

MountainHiker
Hi Mountainhiker,

THANKS a lot for so thorough review of letter .I really appreciate it.

Here is I tried to make some improvement

Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International [when, why?].

I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International in 1990 to serve community by doing meaningful work and help destitute in one way or another as well as to learn leadership skills through handling projects, to be a more responsible and discipline person.

[to provide medical care to out reach people—something seems wrong here]

[to provide medical care to outreach people .
Those people who can not access to medical care either they live very far or health system is not operational. In other words health care is out of reach.

Once again Thanks for sparing time to read my letter throughly . In fact it was very good excercise for my brain muscles.
akb,

If you want, post your complete letter again. My brain is not as sharp as it once was. So you need to make things very simple for me. And then I'll have another look again tomorrow.

MountainHiker
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Hi MoutainHiker,

Thanks for your reply.As you suggested this is revise version for your review.Thank you indeed for your help.

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am applying for the master’s programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, and experience that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

With my personal traits and medical background, I know I can perform well in humanitarian medical aid work as well. Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex issues of humanitarian work. Most of the international non-profit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries. Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance.

My first degree is in medicine. I chose the health profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I worked as the person in charge of Basic Health Unit in the rural area of district X. my responsibilities included supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of healthcare workers.I gained more exposure to administration aspect of healthcare.

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I took my MPH course at X(city), X (country), I was unsure of the applicability of the degree towards my career aspirations. However, as I proceeded with my master’s degree, it increased my level of confidence in my abilities to analyze of disease patterns and data bases, to recognize of potential risks, and to plan and act in a timely action. Furthermore while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory I gained more exposure to research. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, to provide medical care to outreach people[1] and to care for affected people from war and conflict.

The experience of living in such sharp contrast to my life in X (city), X(country), has given me a broader view of the world and the ability to adapt to different cultures. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme.

Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International in 1990 to serve community by doing meaningful work and help destitute in one way or another as well as to learn leadership skills through handling projects, to be a more responsible and discipline person. Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations such as eye camps, a blood bank, a non-profit fundraising institution for the cancer patient.I have always enjoyed my volunteer work. More my volunteer work has strengthened my organization and management skills. For example, I worked as a part of team on the student newspaper editorial board during university where I learned to effectively manage people and their personalities as well as manage tight deadlines. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college.

Now I would like to focus on a Master programme in International Humanitarian Action. I believe that the aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background, experience, and future aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge, experience, skills, and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will be well positioned to deal with complex medical aid issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,

[1] Those people who can not access to medical care either they live very far or health system is not operational. In other words health care is out of reach.

Thanks a lot for your help.
Dear Sir or Madam:

I am applying for the master’s programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, and experience that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

With my personal traits and medical background, I know I can perform well and provide a meaningful contribution as a humanitarian medical aid worker. [1] Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex medical issues. Most of the international non-profit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries. Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance where I can use my dedication, skills, knowledge and enthusiasm to best advantage. [1]

My first degree is medicine [2]. I chose the health profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I worked as the person in charge of Basic Health Unit in the rural area of district X. My responsibilities included supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of healthcare workers. I gained more exposure to administration aspect of healthcare. Thus, I have a solid foundation of both the medical practice and administration. [1]

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I took (started?) my MPH course at X(city), X (country), I was unsure how my degree would further career aspirations. However, as I proceeded with my master’s degree, it increased my level of confidence in my abilities to analyze of disease patterns and data bases (one word?), to recognize of potential risks, and to plan and act in a timely action. Furthermore while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory, I gained more exposure to research. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, to provide medical care to outreach people and to care for those affected from war and conflict.

The experience of living in such sharp contrast to my life in X (city), X(country), has given me a broader view of the world and the ability to adapt to different cultures. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme.

Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International in 1990 to serve community by doing meaningful work and help those less fortunate as well as to learn leadership skills by leading projects. [1] Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations such as eye camps, a blood bank, and a non-profit fundraising institution for the cancer patient. I have always enjoyed my volunteer work. Moreover, my volunteer work has strengthened my organization and management skills. For example, I worked as a part of team on the student newspaper editorial board during university where I learned to effectively manage people and their personalities as well as manage tight deadlines. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college. [reading this paragraph now, you need to do more work. You start off talking about working for suffering people and then you close the paragraph by discussing how the volunteer work has strengthened your management abilities. I need to chose one theme and stick to it. This might be two paragraphs?]

Now I would like to focus on a Master programme in International Humanitarian Action. The aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background, experience, and future aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge, experience, skills, and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will be well positioned to deal with complex medical aid issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,

[1] Those people who can not access to medical care either they live very far or health system is not operational. In other words health care is out of reach.

[1] Revised, see if it reflects your thoughts.

[2] Your degree is “what exactly”?

Each iteration gets better. You’re almost there.

MountainHiker
Hi MoutainHiker,
Again thanks for sparing time. Now the word 'FOCUSSED’ you used in your first reply is very much clear after looking at my mistakes.
Here is the revise version.

Dear Sir or Madam, [since my university is in Europe so I have to use (,)]

I am applying for the master’s programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, and experience that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

With my personal traits and medical background, I know I can perform well and provide a meaningful contribution as a humanitarian medical aid worker. Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex medical issues. Most of the international non-profit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries. Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance where I can use my dedication, skills, knowledge and enthusiasm to best advantage.

I earned my medical graduation (M.B., B.S.) in 2000[1]. I chose the health profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I worked as the person in charge of Basic Health Unit in the rural area of district X. My responsibilities included supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of healthcare workers. I gained more exposure to administration aspect of healthcare. Thus, I have a solid foundation of both the medical practice and administration.

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I started my MPH course at X(city), X (country), I was unsure how my degree would further career aspirations. However, as I proceeded with my master’s degree, it increased my level of confidence in my abilities to analyze of disease patterns and databases, to recognize of potential risks, and to plan and act in a timely action. Furthermore while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory, I gained more exposure to research. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, to provide medical care to outreach people and to care for those affected from war and conflict.

The experience of living in such sharp contrast to my life in X (city), X(country), has given me a broader view of the world and the ability to adapt to different cultures. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme.

Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International in 1990 to serve community by doing meaningful work and help those less fortunate as well as to learn leadership skills by leading projects. Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations such as eye camps, a blood bank, and a non-profit fundraising institution for the cancer patient. I have always enjoyed my volunteer work. [2]

Moreover, my volunteer work has strengthened my organization and management skills. For example, I worked as a part of team on the student magazine[3] editorial board during university where I learned to effectively manage people and their personalities as well as manage tight deadlines. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college.

Now I would like to focus on a Master programme in International Humanitarian Action. The aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background, experience, and future aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge, experience, skills, and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will be well positioned to deal with complex medical aid issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,

[1]This is medical graduate degree . equivalent to MD
[2]I splited the paragraph in two.You are right.I was thinking of it.But now after editing now it can be splited
[3] It was magazine
sorry 'databases' is one word

THANKS for your patience with my mistake.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
akb,

I will have a look later today or tomorrow, most likely tomorrow.

See you then.

MountainHiker
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