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Hi again,

I request you if you can do it later today.I undertsand you are busy with things also.It would nice if you can do it.So I can finalise it.

Thanks
akb,

I think you need to tighten the integration between your opening paragraph and the rest of your essay. Knowledge corresponds to which paragraphs. Skills corresponds to which paragraphs. etc. You also want to make sure that you provide adequate disclosure on each adjective. Where you stuff is comingled, you need to tell the reader that. They won't assume it for you. Imagine you are taking a red pen and drawing arrows from "knowledge" "skills" "experience" and "dedication" to the relevant key words in your essay.

Good luck.

MountainHiker



Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the Master’s Degree (? better ?) programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, experience, [and dedication?] that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

I earned my medical degree in 2000. I chose the health (or healthcare?) profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I worked as the person in charge of Basic Health Unit in the rural area of district X. My responsibilities included supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of healthcare workers. I gained more exposure to administration aspect of healthcare. Thus, I have a solid foundation of both medical practice and administration.

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I started my MPH course at X(city), X (country), I was unsure how my degree would further career aspirations. However, as I proceeded with my Master’s Degree, I gained increased confidence in my abilities to analyze of disease patterns and databases, to recognize of potential risks, and to plan and act in a timely action. Furthermore while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory, I gained more valuable exposure to research. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

[The above deals with knowledge?]

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, to provide medical care to outreach people and to care for those affected from war and conflict.

The experience of living in such sharp contrast to my life in X (city), X(country), has given me a broader view of the world and the ability to adapt to different cultures. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme. [experience paragraph, no?] [ I would add something to the effect that your ALL your , volunteer work, to be mentioned shortly, education, and work has provided experience.]

[I introduced the word dedication above “relevant knowledge, skills, experience, [and dedication?]” because I need to see where you are going with this stuff. So if you like “dedication”, you need to use that word in the next paragraph or two to anchor this stuff back to your opening paragraph.]
Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International in 1990 to serve community by doing meaningful work and help those less fortunate as well as to learn leadership skills by leading projects. Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations such as eye camps, a blood bank, and a non-profit fundraising institution for the cancer patient. I have always enjoyed my volunteer work.

Moreover, my volunteer work has strengthened my organization and management skills. For example, I worked as a part of team on the student magazine’s editorial board during university where I learned to effectively manage people and their personalities as well as manage tight deadlines. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college.

With my personal traits and medical background, I am confident that I will perform well and provide a meaningful contribution as a humanitarian medical aid worker. Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex medical issues. Most of the international non-profit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries. Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance where I can use my dedication, skills, knowledge and enthusiasm to best advantage. [this paragraph seems to fit better here, no?]

The Master’s Degree programme in International Humanitarian Action is the next necessary step towards fulfillin my career ambition. Moreover, the aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background, experience, and future aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge, experience, skills, and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will be well positioned to deal with complex medical aid issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,

[1]This is medical graduate degree . equivalent to MD
It was the “graduation” that was bothering me. I think it is fixed now.
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Hi MountainHiker,
Thanks for your comprehensive review. Present review by you helps me to understand what is meant by STRUCTURE of letter.
Here is revise version.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the Master’s Degree programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, experience, dedication that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

I earned my medical degree in 2000. I chose the healthcare profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I worked as the person in charge of Basic Health Unit in the rural area of district X. My responsibilities included supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of healthcare workers. I gained more exposure to administration aspect of healthcare. Thus, I have a solid foundation of both medical practice and administration.

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I started my MPH course at X(city), X (country), I was unsure how my degree would further career aspirations. However, as I proceeded with my Master’s Degree, I gained increased confidence in my abilities to analyze of disease patterns and databases, to recognize of potential risks, and to plan and act in a timely action. Furthermore while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory, I gained more valuable exposure to research. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, to provide medical care to outreach people and to care for those affected from war and conflict.Apart from my professional qualifications; my working experience in developing country, ability to work in stressful and multicultural environment and fluency in more than one language qualify me for a specialized training programme in Humanitarian Action.

The experience of living in such sharp contrast to my life in X (city), X(country), has given me a broader view of the world and the ability to adapt to different cultures. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme. [1]

In spite of my demanding studies and later on, my profession, I have dedicated my spare time and efforts for meaningful social activities. This is my past experience and dedication with humanitarian works that I am going for a specialized programme.

Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International in 1990 to serve community by doing meaningful work and help those less fortunate as well as to learn leadership skills by leading projects. Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations such as eye camps, a blood bank, and a non-profit fundraising institution for the cancer patient. I have always enjoyed my volunteer work.

Moreover, my volunteer work has strengthened my organization and management skills. For example, I worked as a part of team on the student magazine’s editorial board during university where I learned to effectively manage people and their personalities as well as manage tight deadlines. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college.

With my personal traits and medical background, I am confident that I will perform well and provide a meaningful contribution as a humanitarian medical aid worker. Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex medical issues. Most of the international non-profit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries. Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance where I can use my dedication, skills, knowledge and enthusiasm to best advantage.

The Master’s Degree programme in International Humanitarian Action is the next necessary step towards fulfillin my career ambition. Moreover, the aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background, experience, and future aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge, experience, skills, and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will be well positioned to deal with complex medical aid issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,

[1]as you suggested [ I would add something to the effect that your ALL your , volunteer work, to be mentioned shortly, education, and work has provided experience.]
When I tried to add something it seems that there is repetition. So I couldn’t do much here.

Thanks again for reading my letter.You help me a lot.
akb
Akb,

We’re getting close to the end I think. Every time I read your letter, I find small improvements here and there. That is partially the reason why I like looking at the entire letter.

Back to you Sir.

MountainHiker



Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the Master’s Degree programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, experience, and dedication that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

I earned my medical degree in 2000. I chose the healthcare profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I was responsible for the Basic Health Unit in a rural area of district X. My responsibilities included supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of healthcare workers. I gained more exposure to administration aspect of healthcare. Thus, I have a solid foundation of both medical practice and administration.

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I started my MPH course at X(city), X (country), I was unsure how my degree would further career aspirations. However, as I proceeded with my Master’s Degree, I gained increased confidence in my abilities to analyze of disease patterns and databases, to recognize of potential risks, and to plan and act in a timely action. Furthermore while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory, I gained more valuable exposure to research. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, to provide medical care to outreach people, and to care for those affected from war and conflict. In addition to my strong medical and administration skills, I also have the skills and temperament to work in a developing country under stressful condition. Learning how to work in a developing country is something that must be experienced and cannot be taught from textbooks. I have a strong set of skills that are ideally suited toward my future aspirations.

All my experiences have helped shape my knowledge, skills, and character. Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International in 1990 to serve community by doing meaningful work and help those less fortunate as well as to learn leadership skills by leading projects. Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations such as eye camps, a blood bank, and a non-profit fundraising institution for the cancer patient. I have always enjoyed my volunteer work.

Moreover, my volunteer work has strengthened my organization and management skills. For example, I worked as a part of team on the student magazine’s editorial board during university where I learned to effectively manage people and their personalities as well as manage tight deadlines. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college.

The experience of living in such sharp contrast to my life in X (city), X(country), has given me a broader view of the world and the ability to adapt to different cultures. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme.

With my personal traits and medical background, I am confident that I will perform well and provide a meaningful contribution as a humanitarian medical aid worker. Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex medical issues. Most of the international non-profit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries. Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance where I can use my dedication, skills, knowledge and enthusiasm to best advantage.

The Master’s Degree programme in International Humanitarian Action is the next necessary step towards fulfillin my career ambition. Moreover, the aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background, experience, and future aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge, experience, skills, and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will be well positioned to deal with complex medical aid issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,



Stuff that I either omitted or altered dramatically…

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, to provide medical care to outreach people, and to care for those affected from war and conflict. Apart from my professional qualifications; my working experience in developing country, ability to work in stressful and multicultural environment and fluency in more than one language qualify me for a specialized training programme in Humanitarian Action.

In spite of my demanding studies and later on, my profession, I have dedicated my spare time and efforts for meaningful social activities. This is my past experience and dedication with humanitarian works that I am going for a specialized programme.
Hi MoutainHiker ,

Thanks a lot to spending too much time correction. This is THE forum where I got this kind of useful help as well as learning. The latest correction was about RELAVANCE.
THANKS.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the Master’s Degree programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, experience, and dedication that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

I earned my medical degree in 2000. I chose the healthcare profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I was responsible for the Basic Health Unit in a rural area of district X. My responsibilities included supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of healthcare workers. I gained more exposure to administration aspect of healthcare. Thus, I have a solid foundation of both medical practice and administration.

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I started my MPH course at X(city), X (country), I was unsure how my degree would further career aspirations. However, as I proceeded with my Master’s Degree, I gained increased confidence in my abilities to analyze of disease patterns and databases, to recognize of potential risks, and to plan and act in a timely action. Furthermore while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory, I gained more valuable exposure to research. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, to provide medical care to outreach people, and to care for those affected from war and conflict. In addition to my strong medical and administration skills, I also have the skills and temperament to work in a developing country under stressful condition. Learning how to work in a developing country is something that must be experienced and cannot be taught from textbooks. I have a strong set of skills that are ideally suited toward my future aspirations.

All my experiences have helped shape my knowledge, skills, and character. Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International in 1990 to serve community by doing meaningful work and help those less fortunate as well as to learn leadership skills by leading projects. Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations such as eye camps, a blood bank, and a non-profit fundraising institution for the cancer patient. I have always enjoyed my volunteer work.

Moreover, my volunteer work has strengthened my organization and management skills. For example, I worked as a part of team on the student magazine’s editorial board during university where I learned to effectively manage people and their personalities as well as manage tight deadlines. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college.

[1]I am not sure where this following paragraph fits into your life. Please tell me more so that we can better fit it into our story.]
The experience of living in such sharp contrast to my life in X (city), X(country), has given me a broader view of the world and the ability to adapt to different cultures. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme.

With my personal traits and medical background, I am confident that I will perform well and provide a meaningful contribution as a humanitarian medical aid worker. Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex medical issues. Most of the international non-profit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries. Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance where I can use my dedication, skills, knowledge and enthusiasm to best advantage.

The Master’s Degree programme in International Humanitarian Action is the next necessary step towards fulfillin my career ambition. Moreover, the aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background, experience, and future aspirations. I am confident that with the knowledge, experience, skills, and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will be well positioned to deal with complex medical aid issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,

[1]In fact this paragraph is about my latest experience of life. I am winding up here what I had done. As you have mentioned in the end you write down other things which are indirectly related to your career like sports and other experiences .I also this is what I will offer to my university if they accept me. They would like to have a student from developing country who can adopt easily. So I want to make them clear that I can take this shock as I went through it. Should we place it here as winding up with offer from me?

Looking forward to your suggestion
Thanks
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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the Master’s Degree programme in International Humanitarian Action.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, experience, and dedication that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

I earned my medical degree in 2000. I chose the healthcare profession because I have always enjoyed helping people and being a doctor allows me to both help and heal people. I was responsible for the Basic Health Unit in a rural area of district X. My responsibilities included supervision, surveillance, monitoring, reporting of public health activities as well as recruiting, training and teaching of healthcare workers. I gained more exposure to administration aspect of healthcare. Thus, I have a solid foundation of both medical practice and administration.

I completed my post graduate degree in public health from country X .When I started my MPH course at X(city), X (country), I was unsure how my degree would further career aspirations. However, as I proceeded with my Master’s Degree, I gained increased confidence in my abilities to analyze of disease patterns and databases, to recognize of potential risks, and to plan and act in a timely action. Furthermore while writing my thesis and working in the summer in biochemistry laboratory, I gained more valuable exposure to research. During my post graduate work, I became increasingly interested in the relationship between health and humanitarian work, and I realised the importance of public health in the alleviation of suffering of humanity.

International humanitarian action depends heavily on the skills of its medical aid team to deal with natural disasters, to provide medical care to outreach people, and to care for those affected from war and conflict. In addition to my strong medical and administration skills, I also have the skills and temperament to work in a developing country under stressful conditions. Learning how to work in a developing country is something that must be experienced and cannot be taught from textbooks. I have a strong set of skills that are ideally suited toward my future aspirations.

All my experiences have helped shape my knowledge, skills, and character. Since my teenage years I have always found it interesting to work for the suffering people. I joined Leo Club, a sponsored programme by Lions International in 1990 to serve community by doing meaningful work and help those less fortunate as well as to learn leadership skills by leading projects. Since then I worked for different non-governmental organizations such as eye camps, a blood bank, and a non-profit fundraising institution for the cancer patient. I have always enjoyed my volunteer work.

Moreover, my volunteer work has strengthened my organization and management skills. For example, I worked as a part of team on the student magazine’s editorial board during university where I learned to effectively manage people and their personalities as well as manage tight deadlines. I also served as an elected class representative in the second year of medical college.

The experience of living in XCity, YCountry was in such sharp contrast to my normal life in X1City, X1Country. I gained a broader view of the world and an ability to adapt to different cultures. The experience of education at University X, country X, one of the most developed countries, has given me maturity and dedication that I will bring to this programme.

With my personal traits and medical background, I am confident that I will perform well and provide a meaningful contribution as a humanitarian medical aid worker. Living in a developing country, we need those who have specialized qualifications to address the complex medical issues. Most of the international non-profit sector lacks well-trained local professionals to run their projects in developing countries. Being a health professional, I intend to work for humanitarian assistance where I can use my dedication, skills, knowledge, and enthusiasm to best advantage.

The Master’s Degree programme in International Humanitarian Action is the next necessary step towards fulfilling my career ambition. [1] I am confident that with the knowledge, experience, skills, and helpful contacts gained through this programme I will be well positioned to deal with complex medical aid issues and meet the challenges of humanitarian work.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours sincerely,

[1] I deleted the following sentence: Moreover, the aim of the programme is consistent with my academic background, experience, and future aspirations.

I felt that it was repetitive and you were tripping over the key words of knowledge, experience, skills, background, aspiration, ambition, contacts…blah blah blah. So I just deleted the sentence. I think it is cleaner and more streamlined with the sentence deleted. Moreover, your opening sentence of that paragraph says the same thing: This is your next step.



I think you did a good job at improving your letter each time. Each iteration you put forward a solid effort in making your revision. You were receptive to my changes and acted upon them. I think you did well.

I think you have a strong letter. I also think it reflects you and the way you think about your new path.

I wish you luck and success in your new endeavors.

When you get your acceptance letter, be sure to come back and let us know.

Again, good luck!

MountainHiker
I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, experience, and dedication that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.


You can probably delete dedication as you don't speak to it directly.

I will highlight my relevant knowledge, skills, and experience that qualify me for admission to your programme. Upon graduation, I will return to the not-for-profit sector as a health professional with a solid background and training in humanitarian aid work.

You letter through has dedication implied, but you don't address specifically. So I would delete it because you address everything else very explicitly.

MountainHiker
Hi MoutainHiker,

Thanks for your comments about my efforts. I would say it was my moderator MH who makes me to work. I really appreciate that you spare time and read every version of letter. Your comments were very accurate.
I have already become a regular reader of forum and time to time I would bother you with my question.
Also thanks for your Wishes.

akb
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