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Hi, I learn English by myself, so I find it difficult to write an email in English. Could you help me correct my response to check if there is a mistake? thank you.

(I took a course called "Toeic Speaking Writing", so this is the topic of a test)

The topic:

From: Samantha Hawkins
To: Hampton Human Resources
Subject: Positions at Hampton
Sent: August 10,20—
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am interested in applying for a position at Hampton Inc. I recently graduated from the university
and am interested in any openings you may have in your Marketing Department. If you have any
positions open, please let me know what they are and how I can apply.
Thank you.
Samantha Hawkins
Directions: Respond to the e-mail as if you are a human resources officer at Hampton, Inc. In
your e-mail, ask ONE question and give TWO pieces of information


The response: (I wrote the response by myself)

Dear Hawkins:

I am Summer Nguyen, the manager of the Human Resources Department. I am writing to respond to your email. I understand that you are interested in working in our Marketing Department. First of all, we have an open position for a Market Researcher. Second, you can send to us your résumé to apply for this position. I would like to ask you a question. Do you have any experience in that area?

Thank you for your time. Please let me know if you have any questions or any further information. Your prompt reply would be very much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Summer Nguyen, Manager, Human Resources Department

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Dear Ms Hawkins,

I am Summer Nguyen, the manager of the Human Resources Department. I am writing to respond to your email.

Thank you for your recent email.

I understand that you are interested in working in our Marketing Department. First of all, We have an open position for a Market Researcher. Second,

It is an entry-level full-time job, and we are seeking a dynamic person who is prepared to learn and grow with our firm. You can take a look at the attached job description PDF file to learn more about it.

You can send to us your résumé to apply for this position. I would like to ask you a question. Do you have any experience in that area?

Thank you for your time. Please let me know if you have any questions or if you need any further information. Your prompt reply would be very much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Summer Nguyen,

Manager, Human Resources Department

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teechr

Dear Ms Hawkins,

I am Summer Nguyen, the manager of the Human Resources Department. I am writing to respond to your email.

Thank you for your recent email.

I understand that you are interested in working in our Marketing Department. First of all, We have an open position for a Market Researcher. Second,

It is an entry-level full-time job, and we are seeking a dynamic person who is prepared to learn and grow with our firm. You can take a look at the attached job description PDF file to learn more about it.

You can send to us your résumé to apply for this position. I would like to ask you a question. Do you have any experience in that area?

Thank you for your time. Please let me know if you have any questions or if you need any further information. Your prompt reply would be very much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Summer Nguyen,

Manager, Human Resources Department

Hello teechr

Thank you for your answer. Actually, my response above is what I have been taught when taking a course called "toeic speaking writing". I was surprised because you deleted my sentences. Does my sentences sound like "a robot" and unnatural? (The sentences you deleted)

You wrote again my response with your experience when working at work, or with your teaching experience?

I'm sorry if my sentences make you feel confused

Please respond my question. Thank you

teechrI am Summer Nguyen, the manager of the Human Resources Department. I am writing to respond to your email.

Samantha Hawkins will read your name, position and contact information in the signature block at the bottom of your letter. It is not the accepted business letter format to put it in the opening sentence.

It is obvious that you are responding to an email, so the second sentence is superfluous, even unbusinesslike.

AlpheccaStars
teechrI am Summer Nguyen, the manager of the Human Resources Department. I am writing to respond to your email.

Samantha Hawkins will read your name, position and contact information in the signature block at the bottom of your letter. It is not the accepted business letter format to put it in the opening sentence.

It is obvious that you are responding to an email, so the second sentence is superfluous, even unbusinesslike.

Thank you.

After reading your answer, I have some questions. You deleted "first of all", "second", and the sentence:"your prompt reply would be very much appreciated". Could you explain why you deleted them? I realize that what I have learned from the course "toeic speaking writing" is different from reality.

Also, you added one paragraph in the middle of the email, could you explain why you added it? Does it sound more natural? Thank you so much.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

I have one more question that I forgot to ask you. I'm sorry if I ask you many times.

I wrote:

Summer Nguyen, Manager, Human Resources Department

But you wrote:

Summer Nguyen,

Manager, Human Resources Department

The culture of your country is to sign the signature like you wrote, right? Because I was taught to sign like I wrote. So could you explain it for me, please? Thank you so much

nguyenduongkhanhlinh "first of all", "second", and the sentence:"your prompt reply would be very much appreciated". Could you explain why you deleted them?

There is no list (sequence) of related points/complaints/issues here.

nguyenduongkhanhlinhI realize that what I have learned from the course "toeic speaking writing" is different from reality.

So please stop trying to use that "course" as your benchmark.

nguyenduongkhanhlinhAlso, you added one paragraph in the middle of the email, could you explain why you added it? Does it sound more natural?

I added it to show you what a recruiter might say in such correspondence. Otherwise, your email would be quite short.

nguyenduongkhanhlinhThe culture of your country is to sign the signature like you wrote, right?

That's how it's done in English, yes!

Because I was taught to sign like I wrote. So could you explain it for me, please?

Again, forget about that course, and perhaps try to recoup (some/all of?) what you paid them!

Here is an example of a formal letter. For emails, the heading block would just have the salutation with the recipient's name.

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
teechrThat's how it's done in English, yes!

in English, it's done like you said. But if you receive an email with the signature like:

Summer Nguyen, Manager, Human Resources Department

Is it okay if you receive an email with the signature above? I think we have different cultures, so the signature will be different. My job in the future is to work with foreigner, so I really want to know if sign the signature like above, is it still okay? Thank you so much

All the answers you replied help me a lot.

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