This is an essay I would need to submit fro a scholarship application.

Could someone please review it for me? Any critisms are welcome. Sentence construction, english, content etc

In 500 words, demonstrate

-your financial need

- your academic ability and potential.

- why you think you should get the scholarship

- how you meet any specific requirements listed (well..I am from commonwealth country studying PhD and I need money.)

I believe there are many ways for one to live life to the fullest. For me, it is to keep exploring the world and never stop learning from what is exposed to me. Naturally, I wanted to be placed abroad to absorb new knowledge from a different cultural perspective. I have chosen Uni X because its unrivalled academic environment has all to offer me to develop as a well-rounded professional in the field I would like to explore.

I had always wanted to pursue a career in research and this makes the PhD study in an accredited scientific institution an absolute necessity for me. However, my family are struggling with the current exigencies of my prospective education at Uni X. At present, my father is burdened with the reduction in income and a physically demanding job in which he plans to retire soon due to the limits of his age. The financial crisis in 1997 and again in 2008 had also tremendously distressed my family which till now we still are struggling to recover from. I had previously involved myself in several part-time jobs during my time as a student in order to lessen the situation. Though I had gained numerous invaluable experiences from these work activities, I struggled to focus on my studies and my grades started to waver. Upon my graduation, alongside the fact of lacking the required financial strength, I was forced to give up my chance to proceed with further education required in becoming a researcher. I did not forget about my goals and enthusiasms nonetheless along the path. After working as a laboratory technician for over a year, I took up a private loan from a kind relative to continue my studies at the University ABC. I once again made myself focus back into my educational pursuits and subsequently succeeded in obtaining a distinction in my Master’s degree in Neurogenetics.

To further consummate my goal, I would like to be considered for the XXX Scholarship, YYY Scholarship and ZZZ Scholarship being offered. There are many good reasons to argue about my candidacy in deserving these scholarships. I have always been known as a dedicated and diligent worker having the ability to follow through with all the hard work required in accomplishing an objective. I am also not afraid of new challenges and very enthusiastic to learn. The scholarships would provide me not only an abundance of education to fulfil my career goals but also a channel to quench my thirst for knowledge. I also see myself as a person of persistence, self-discipline and creativity. These are the qualities which are essential in bringing my proposed research at the Department of Genetics to a successful conclusion.

On receiving the scholarships, apart from being able to reduce the financial burden on my family and me, it will also be a great motivation giving me courage, strength and pride to trudge towards my goals in life. As a citizen from a developing Commonwealth country, the scholarships will certainly enable me to achieve my career aspiration, from where I would be able to share my knowledge gained to benefit the future generations and help in the growth of my home country through scientific development. I believe in myself, and I envisage these scholarships would provide a firm future for me and subsequently mould me into a better person whom could make a difference in this world.

Thank you very much =)
Dear Friend,

You are just explain here your financial requirment. I think you should also mention here, why you are fite for this scholarshp? That mens what is the best quality or background you have that perfect for this scholarship.
Hi there. Thank you for pointing it out for me. I have made some changes to it. I don't know whether they are the right corrections I need to do. Can you please let me know how you think about it? and if possible, can you please help me in cutting the whole essay shorter as well? Which sentence/paragraph/point you think is unnecessary... as I have exceeded the word limits set by the panel..

Thank you in advance =)

I would like to be considered for the XXX Scholarship, YYY Scholarship and ZZZ Scholarship being offered by XXX Trust to fund my PhD studies at the Department of Genetics.

My career aspiration is to become a research scientist and this makes the post-graduate training in an accredited scientific institution an absolute necessity for me. However, my family are struggling with the current exigencies of my prospective education at Uni X due to the decreasing income.

Academically, I graduate with a Bachelor’s degree in Biotechnology and recently a Master’s degree in Translational Neuroscience. During my first degree programme, I had a chance to carry out a 6-months research project designing a pair of primers amplifying a gene from a novel species of mussels. I had also taken up several internships to different medical laboratories in the country throughout the course. These experiences have provided me with considerable amount of hands-on biomedical research experiences and familiarized me with diverse research environments. Going further to my research-intensive Master’s programme, I was required to carry out a 5-months project research into motor neurone disease, during which I gained further experience on multiple cell biology methods, sharpened my analysis skills and built my confidence in working independently as research personnel. Upon my completion of this project, I successfully obtained a distinction in my Master’s degree.

I have previously been employed as a full-time laboratory technician in my home country, where I was responsible for the preparation of the laboratory practical classes for students as well as supervising laboratory assistants. I was also required to provide supervision and technical assistance to students in carrying out their research projects at various levels. From the job, not only I learnt to juggle different tasks and bringing them to a successful conclusion, my leadership ability has also flourished by acting as a supervisor to my fellow colleagues from different ethnicities. Besides, the job which covers a wide range of duties has equipped me with various skills ranging from basic lab techniques to operational skills on advanced laboratory instrumentation such as atomic absorption spectroscopy and HPLC.

Some of my personality traits have also established my candidacy in deserving these scholarships. I have always been known as a dedicated and diligent worker having the ability to follow through with all the hard work required in accomplishing an objective. This was commented on by both my project supervisors during my undergraduate and Master’s degree. I also see myself as a person of persistence and self-discipline as I have never failed to meet the many deadlines in my courses and professional duties. These are the qualities which are essential in bringing my proposed research at the Department of Genetics to a successful conclusion.

On receiving the scholarships, apart from being able to reduce the financial burden on my family and me, it will also be a great motivation giving me courage, strength and pride to exceed the expectations. As a citizen from a developing Commonwealth country, the scholarships will certainly enable me to achieve my career aspiration, from where I would be able to share my knowledge gained to benefit the future generations and help in the growth of my home country through scientific development.
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Simply I think scholarship awarded according to qualifications. Though have some spacial scholarship, that was different.