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Teacher, could you give me some advice about my essay? Thank you so much!

School should be a safe environment for learning and developing, however, school violence seems to be increasing. Where does this problem come from? What should we do to change the situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

One of the biggest concerns of society these days is violence in the educational environment. Year by year, there is a snowball effect in the number of cases and the extent to which the victims are undergone by bullying has also more become severely. This essay will analyze the reasons and gives solutions to this grave issue.

It is undeniable that the insufficient ability to restrain emotions is one-factor giving rise to students to abuse another. Yet pupils are not fully developed, they are undergoing the period of pubescence and are incapable of self-soothing, the injuries are irrevocable on their mates. Furthermore, those who are brought up in a dysfunctional family or shortage the affection from their parents are more prone to lease out the trauma by repeating the same things they had to go through on others as a sign of impotence. Take a case in Hung Yen as an example, the bullies are all living afar from their parents, they have no one to breathe down on their neck since the first day of their birth, it is no bizarre they bully as pride and joy.

Actions must be taken promptly to solve this problem. It is worth considering to enhance students of self-consciousness about the degree to which bully affects for all intents and purposes by opening extracurricular classes and let parents be involved in. In these classes, ensure that pupils are taught in-depth of the outcome that bully brings about. At the same time, modifying the schools’ regulation, make it more rigorous and thorough so that no one can bend the regulation, make such a mess in an educational environment.

To conclude, society should pay more attention to students’ life and put an end to the violence increasingly occurring.

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One of the biggest concerns of society these days is violence in the educational environment. Year by year, there is a snowball effect in the number of cases is snowballing and the extent to which the victims have been bullied are undergone by (wrong verb form) bullying has also more become severely. (wrong form, wrong word order) This essay will analyze the reasons and gives solutions to this grave issue.

(Write a thesis statement. See my advice in your other essay. https://www.englishforums.com/English/Education/bprrdd/post.htm

e.g.

The issue has reached such a crisis point that society must take action to address the underlying causes and reverse this trend.

)

It is undeniable that The insufficient ability to restrain one's emotions is one-factor giving rise to students abusing each other. to abuse another. Yet young children pupils (Are you writing about students in primary school, high school or university? You need to qualify who you are writing about.) are not fully developed, they are undergoing physical and mental development the period of pubescence and are incapable of self-soothing, (Wrong word, comma splice error) the injuries are irrevocable on their mates. (I do not understand this.) Furthermore, those who are brought up in a dysfunctional family or shortage the affection (ungrammatical) from their parents are more prone to lease (wrong word) out the trauma by repeating the same things they had to go through on others as a sign of impotence. (This does not make sense) Take a case in Hung Yen as an example, the bullies are all living afar from their parents, they have no one to breathe down on their neck (Informal Do not use such casual language in formal essays.) since the first day of their birth, (There is no second day of birth. Were they placed in a school when they were one day old?) it is no bizarre they bully (This does not make sense) as pride and joy.

Actions must be taken promptly to solve this problem. It is worth considering to make enhance (wrong word) students of self-consciousness about the degree to which bully affects for all intents and purposes (This is not good English) by opening extracurricular classes and let parents be involved in . In these classes, ensure that pupils are taught in-depth of the about the horrible effects of bullying outcome that bully brings about. At the same time, modifying the schools’ rules by making them regulation, make it more rigorous and thorough so that no one can bend them. the regulation, make such a mess in an educational environment. (This does not make sense.)

To conclude, society should pay more attention to students’ life lives and put an end to the increasing violence increasingly occurring. (Your conclusion is not very good. You need to summarize the main points and restate your thesis.)

Comments  
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Hi, I have been working for a long time in the field of sociology, relations between people, faiths of the population, different countries, and I must say that this is a really difficult and important problem. Schools must design their policies and security for all parties. I recommend https://papersowl.com/examples/school-violence/ our best practices on the subject of School Violence at Essays, we have studied these issues in more detail, taking into account various cases, even the most unacceptable and inadequate ones, read and think with your head, teach their children morality and ethics !!!

note the cool editing!