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I would like to seek comments on the grammar & sentence structure for the following email.

Dear Boss

As discussed and sought your verbal agreement dated 02 Dec 20, I arranged for the repair of the electronic device of monitoring system using a healthy aged part provided by ABC company at the building on 3 Dec 20.

Through the efforts, ABC company completed the repair of the electronic device successfully to recover the function of monitoring & control of the air conditioner via the monitoring system. We will keep monitoring the operation of the systems.


Regards

XXX

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Ben9108Dear Boss

That's informal/casual.

Ben9108As discussed and sought your verbal agreement

That doesn't make sense.

Ben9108the electronic device of monitoring system

That's clumsy.

Ben9108using a healthy aged functional used/secondhand part
Ben9108Through the efforts

What does that mean?

Ben9108via the monitoring system.

Delete that.

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Thanks for your reply.

Please comments on the following my rewriting email. Thanks


Dear Peter

Referring to the discussion with gaining a verbal approval from you dated 02 Dec 20, I arranged to use a functional used part, provided by ABC company, for the repair of the monitoring system at the building on 3 Dec 20.

Through the testing with the remote control center, ABC company completed the repair of the monitoring system successfully to regain the function of monitoring & control of the air conditioner. In assessing the performance of the system, we will monitor closely the operation of the systems for the coming days.


Regards

XXX

Ben9108Referring With reference to the discussion with gaining a and subsequent verbal approval from you
Ben9108Through the testing with the remote control center,

Take that out.