re: Self-Love page 4

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Thanks Mr.P
Thanks Mr.P.
here's another in the lines of ED.Hope its come out well....

My life would not be in vain
If my smiles bright up
Someone’s mornings.
If my words so appeasing
Ease someone’s anguish
If my reassuring presence
Erases someone’s painful entity
If my sheltering heart
Gives back someone’s dreams.
My Life would be fulfilled.
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
In reply to maj's question(which has mysteriously dissappeared from here) ,'what about you anita?'..... I don't know... the poem just came to me... maybe I want to be like that!
Another inspiration of Emily dickenson

I have to alert the news
I have to the unfold the word
That which I have not conversed
That which I have never lisped
The garden I walk in
I need to tell it too
The butterflies I play with
Need to know too
The roads I trod on
The shops that I visit
The hillsides that I love
The forests that I frequent
Have to know for sure.
The shy and demure girl
Has now the face to die
I that walk here today
Tomorrow will be no more.
Mr. P your comments please?
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Hello again Anita

If my smiles bright up ] 'Brighten up' would be the usual phrase; but 'bright up' is an interesting variant. ED could well use such a phrase.

If my words so appeasing ] I'm not sure about 'appeasing' here; it's a word with slightly negatove associations.

Erases someone’s painful entity ] 'erasing a painful entity' is another interesting phrase; but I'm not sure it suggests what you intended. It has a sense of 'terminating' the person in pain; but I think you want a meaning closer to terminating the pain itself. (But let me know if I'm wrong!)

See you on the next thread,
MrP
(Or the next post, I should have said.)

I have to alert the news ] That's an interesting idea: to alert the news. It has a kind of circularity.

I have to the unfold the word
That which I have not conversed ] 'the word...that I have not conversed' isn't quite right: you 'converse with someone about something'.

That which I have never lisped ] I wasn't sure whether you wanted a word closer to 'whisper' here? 'lisped' used to have more of a sense of 'speak like an infant', but now is associated with speech defects (e.g. saying 'th' for 's').

The roads I trod on ] maybe 'roads I tread', to keep the same tense as the other verbs?

The forests that I frequent ] 'frequent' is good, here.

Has now the face to die ] 'to have the face to' does mean 'dare', but in a slightly negative sense: you would say it of someone else, if that person had dared to do something you didn't like.

See you later,
MrP
My life would not be in vain
If my smiles bright up
Someone’s mornings.
If my words so appealing
Erase someone’s anguish
If my reassuring presence
Eases someone’s painful entity
If my sheltering heart
Gives back someone’s dreams.
My Life would be fulfilled.

Would the slight change of words do the trick....?
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
I have to alert the news
I have to unfold the word
That which I have not told
That which I have never whispered
The garden I walk in
I need to tell it too
The butterflies I play with
Need to know too
The roads I tread on
The shops that I visit
The hillsides that I love
The forests that I frequent
Have to know for sure.
The shy and demure girl
Has now to face death
I that walk here today
Tomorrow will be no more.

Mr. P your comments were very useful to me in all the posts. Thanks a lot for encouraging me and the poet in me. Your encouragement inspires me to write more poems. You are a mentor to me in the true sense of the word. Thanks again. Please do continue to encourage me in future too.
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